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I am feeling used but not sure


daisy pooh

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I tutored a guy for a long time and during this time I started having feelings for him. This is why naturally I found the time for him even when I was busy, I would make sure to hang out with him and we slowly started becoming good friends.

 

I cannot say he hasn't done things for me because he has, but then again, I devoted a lot of time and effort into teaching him Italian. We spent the summer talking almost every day, he would call me and text me and then - he stopped. When I told him I was bothered by this, he wrote a message on how he texts millions of people every day and how my last text wasn't so important and it shouldn't bother me. I then finally admitted my feelings towards him to which he said he cannot be in relationships, but didn't want to tell me why (my guess now is that he is gay and in denial, but I might be very wrong). At this moment - I kind of lost interest.

 

The thing is my life is super hectic, and I just can't find enough time or will power to keep tutoring him, especially knowing he doesn't like me in a romantic way. When I do hang out with him, he always brings up Italian lessons and I have a feeling he is being super nice hoping I would tutor him again. (he needs Italian for his work). Every time he calls to check up on me, he somehow brings into the story how his Italian has got worse. I also was giving him a lot of tutoring for virtually no money (he offered to pay more, but you know - a girl in love). And now I have a full-time job and I don't have to tutor people any more. And I don't want to tutor him. I also am going back to school, my schedule is insane. If I do hang out with friends, I want it to be relaxing, not tiring.

 

But I have a feeling if I stopped tutoring him, it would hurt our friendship. But then again, are we only friends because I tutor him? As I said, he has done things for me in the past - but I am just very confused. Any thoughts? Thanks

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Yes he is only your friend to learn Italian. You should start charging him if you are going to continue to tutor him or tell him you can't tutor if your feelings for him are too strong.

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Scarlett.O'hara

The real test of your friendship will be how he behaves once you have made it clear that you can't tutor him anymore.

 

A good friend will respect your decision and wont want to be a burden. However, if he keeps going on and on about it once you have said no, or starts to fade away, then you will know his friendship was merely superficial. It would be better to know this sooner rather than later, don't you think?

 

Also, if you have feelings for him that aren't mutual, it is probably best to pull back from him because you will only become more invested and hurt in the long run. Unrequited feelings are the worst.

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The real test of your friendship will be how he behaves once you have made it clear that you can't tutor him anymore.

 

A good friend will respect your decision and wont want to be a burden. However, if he keeps going on and on about it once you have said no, or starts to fade away, then you will know his friendship was merely superficial. It would be better to know this sooner rather than later, don't you think?

 

Also, if you have feelings for him that aren't mutual, it is probably best to pull back from him because you will only become more invested and hurt in the long run. Unrequited feelings are the worst.

 

I don't really have feelings for him anymore after he brushed me off in his text. But then he seemed so hurt when I told him I wanted to take a break from our friendship, he said he had bought me a present and it's been waiting for me at his house. So I don't want to reject a good friend, but I've noticed that every single time we interact he brings up Italian. When I once told him I didn't want to talk about it anymore, he said: Oh, so you don't care about my Italian anymore? No, I really don't. And I wonder if I should care about him at all anymore too.

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He probably bought you the present to pay you back for teaching him Italian. At least he's giving you something for your service. If you need money just charge him a fee and teach him the language.

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