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Lonely and depresses

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Old 31st August 2017, 10:49 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2015
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Lonely and depresses

I commute to college and have started the tranfer process today. I was a walk on for the womens lacrosse team and was cut because I was not good enough (after I was told I had a safe spot on the team and handed gear with my name and number on it.) Soon after I was singled out by the coach by being kept out of practice and stayed on a hill doing wall ball. I was made fun of by a strength coach who I looked up to. I tried my best and put my pride on the line. I just started my sophomore year and I try to hang with girls i have become friendly with but I dont connect with many and often wander in my thoughts. They don'y usually invite me either not unless I send a text "What are you guys doing this weekend". I feel so alone, scared and sad. I have a boyfriend here and he also commutes but I will never rely solely on a man. I feel friends are so important. I am in a tough spot because I want to transfer but I'd lose my academic scholarship and possibly my boyfriend but I know I'd possibly gain so much more. Or I could leave and hate the new college. I try not feeling sorry for myself but lately its been very hard.
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Old 1st September 2017, 12:36 AM   #2
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My ex-fiancÚ of 5 years cheated on me when I was in combat. The girlfriend after her cheated too. I got married and went back to college on a full scholarship but my wife fell ill and was bedridden for over a year. I tried working three part time jobs but was soon being hounded by bill collectors for the massive amounts we owed to both hospitals and doctors. I had to drop out of college despite a straight A average, to take a job as a messenger in NYC. Then a truck driver and finally a clerk. My mother and sister took care of my wife when I was at work.

I studied all night for a license exam that normally required a minimum of 10 years experience and had a 3% pass rate. I gave up all my free time to study and passed that test. I was the second youngest person in the nation to hold that type of license and they even investigated me to make sure I did not cheat. I forgot to mention that I also had PTSD but it was not known about back in 1971. I used to wake up and attack my wife and do things like try to jump out of a car when the noon sirens came on.

I was on medication since 1971 and yet I pushed on. I bought my first house when I was 21 and was making twice what my dad was by 25. By 30 I was one of two worldwide experts in my field, a co-author and alternate U.N. advisor despite my problems. I was taking medication all the time. Eventually I was put on anti depressants and they worked for me but have side effects. By 40 I was in the top 5% income earners in the US and scored in the top 99.8% of the nation in IQ. I had to take pills to sleep, pills to relieve my anxiety. pills to make me happy and pills to keep me awake.

I am 66 now and married for 45 years. I succeeded in spite of my problems and sought medical help when I needed it. I managed to work around my mental problems instead of using them as an excuse to give up. I work 3 days a week and get a 5 day very generous salary and 25% of the company's net profits. My medicine cabinet has all 4 shelves filled with prescription pills and still am able to do a very technical job. I have no friends and enjoy my own company. It is difficult to get out of bed some days but I manage somehow.

As I get older I have all sorts of medical problems like diabetes, degenerative disk disease and have two surgeries scheduled for this month and one for next month. I am happy though and my wife thinks I am the best husband in the world. Despite my own problems I make her feel loved and desirable every day of the year.

One thing I can tell you is that what happens in your school years may seem like major problems but they really are not. When you lock back on your life you will know this. Dodging bullets and sleeping among rates in a jungle in 110 degree temperature is a problem. Not making the team is not. Giving up your dream to support your wife and relocating 13 times and living in 9 houses while travelling overseas for 3 months out of each year, is a problem. What my high school football coach thought of me palls by comparison.

Your real problems do not begin until you go out into the world on your own and have to support yourself. I know your problems seem devastating now, they did to me in college too, but afterwards they are not. I never saw my friends from school again. None of the guys I played ball with made it in the big leagues. One got a shot but ruined his day the first real game he played.

Talk to a Doctor, do what they say and life will get better or you will learn to manage your problems better. My life has been pretty great. In hindsight, all of my problems at your age ended up making me the man I am today and putting me where I am in life. I love my life. I love my wife and I have accomplished much in my professional life. You can too. It is easy to give into your problems but that just gives you a lousy life. Succeed despite your problems which will one day not seem so big, and you can have a great life is you want to. I set goals and achieved them. The fact that I did not have a college degree drove me to succeed and made people underestimate me. I ended up having people with Master Degrees from Wharton and Yale working under me as well as a Ph.D. I had ambition and drive while they had an education that was enough while they were in school but not so useful in the business world.

I wish you well and take to your doctor. Life taking pills is so much better than the alternative so I take them and they do help.
Most people rather drown in a pool of their own morality than seek the safety of a different morality.
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Old 1st September 2017, 6:31 AM   #3
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You had a tough break. There was no reason for the strength coach to make fun of you. That was plain wrong. Any adult who does that has no business being a coach.

Does your school have a counseling office? Check it out. You are not the only student to ever feel down. Get some help. There is no shame.

Now look around on campus for another group or club that does something you find interesting. Join that organization.
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Old 1st September 2017, 3:30 PM   #4
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I don't like a coach making fun of anybody, so I'd write that off to bad coaching and not take it too hard. Find another activity. As far as social stuff, likely the same thing no matter where you went, so you probably need to try something different. I honestly never recommend "conforming" but if you have trouble always making friends, then try to dress a little like the ones you might want to join in with just to send a signal you might be a good fit. If you can't find someone to go do things with, go anyway, or find another activity. In life, sometimes you just have to sit still and learn to cope with and change in order to make a go of it. Good luck.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
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