CptInsano Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 I have this co-worker I went to lunch with a couple of times, and he seemed to be nice at first. I helped him with his job change within the company, and also went out to a restaurant with him once. Unfortunately, it became rather apparent that he is has a somewhat boastful nature, and very dominating in the presence of women. That makes seeing him socially awkward, because it causes irritation in any mixed group. I tried to coach him on the topic, especially since he had real problems with female superiors, but to no avail. I finally decided to just let it rest. However, he keeps contacting me, and is very friendly, and wants to meet up. Now how do In approach this? I don't want to be rude, because he has done nothing to offend me personally. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 I have a few girlfriends who continue to be friends with someone they know has either done something awful to someone else or can be awful to people, and their philosophy is "he's never done anything bad to me." I even used this same rationale for a minute when I was younger. But at some point you have to decide if you want to be associated with someone with a bad reputation or bad manners or bad ethics, especially at work. If he's offending his female superiors, he probably won't be at work long... I know men seem to take these things less personally and more at arm's length than women do, probably because they just don't become such intimate friends and keep it kind of surface friendly, and I can understand that as well. Just be careful not to integrate him with other friends who might find him toxic or whatever and be mindful of what this may say to people at work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CptInsano Posted May 15, 2017 Author Share Posted May 15, 2017 I think you said it pretty well. I don't want to integrate him with my friends. I know already that I can't do that. He hasn't done anything terrible, it's just that I know that his mannerisms and his behavior would never work among my circle of friends. It's just a shame that a graceful downgrade to an acquaintance is more or less wishful thinking on my part. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Well, yes, you are about to find out exactly how pushy he is. Best thing there is to always be very vague about your plans and not mention your friends or plans with them and if he wants to do something, just say "Oh, I can't, real busy." Never give details he can exploit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CptInsano Posted May 16, 2017 Author Share Posted May 16, 2017 Well, yes, you are about to find out exactly how pushy he is. Best thing there is to always be very vague about your plans and not mention your friends or plans with them and if he wants to do something, just say "Oh, I can't, real busy." Never give details he can exploit. Yes, that is more or less what I have been doing, for a year more or less. He has been persistent, though. Plus, he's a co-worker, so he knows where I am. I'm afraid, I will have to be direct. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 You will if he just keeps pushing. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts