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male friend dilemma


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a group of six (three men, three women) of us are supposed to meet for a birthday dinner, we all meet on birthday meals

 

one of the men had asked to see me home a couple of dinners ago, I said no, and now I feel awkward at the thought of seeing him again, I do not want to date him though

 

so from his point of view, he is friendzoned, with the heavy implication that he is unattractive

 

any thoughts on this?

 

I just want to avoid bad feeling by not going to the dinner

 

plz tell me which sex you are when you reply, men and women vary

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It really depends on how you turned him down.You aren't under any obligation to let anyone walk you home and he is probably more embarrassed than you.His ego may be a little bruised but he will get over it.

I am male by the way.

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so from his point of view, he is friendzoned, with the heavy implication that he is unattractive

 

Why is there a heavy implication that he's unattractive? Did you tell him that he's too ugly for you or something?

 

Anyway, seeing you again is probably more awkward for him after that rejection. Just act like it never happened.

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Don't talk to him except to greet him with the rest of the group. If he tries to sit by you or corner you, excuse yourself, go to the ladies room, text one of your friends there and ask them to take your seat because you don't want to encourage him. Return to the table and take a seat far away. Pull up a chair from another table if you have to. ]

 

Alternatively, make a deal with two friends to sit by you and not give him a chance to.

 

Avoid him when you're leaving and have a prearranged ride home either on your own or with someone else but if he offers simply say "No, thank you, I got here, I can get myself home." If he takes that as a maybe, tell him, "sorry just not interested."

 

I'm female.

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I think you shouldn't go either. Not because of any possible tensions but because if you need to know the gender of the folks who to your post here, then you've got some concerns that are better addressed through individual counseling.

 

Third gender.

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I think you shouldn't go either. Not because of any possible tensions but because if you need to know the gender of the folks who to your post here, then you've got some concerns that are better addressed through individual counseling.

 

Third gender.

 

you are silly to think men and women are the same

 

if they were the same - then there would not be two different nouns for them

 

go hi-jack somebody else's discussion

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Is this two couples and you and this guy, or are you all just individual friends?

 

all just platonic - though I know men hope for more, having researched it, the older they get, the more the men feel upset at being freindzoned

 

I just wanted live feed-back and support here

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elaine567

As this is a regular birthday meet up and you are all platonic friends then I would just go and have a good time.

 

There will always be men that get the wrong idea and who will push things but if you were to spend your time avoiding them, you would be sitting at home or only attending "woman only" events.

Don't let him spoil your social life.

 

He only asked to see you home anyway.

It is hardly as if he showed up with bunches of red roses professing his undying love...

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But she knows he's probably working up to that. I don't blame her for being avoidant.

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salparadise

I agree with Erik30 –– act like it never happened, and carry on having a good time with the group. Just don't be flirty. Let him figure out that you're not interested but also not intimidated. If he doesn't get the message you might have to say something like, "hey, you're my friend and I'd like to remain friends, so please respect my boundaries." Hopefully he'll figure it out without you having to verbalize it.

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you are silly to think men and women are the same

 

if they were the same - then there would not be two different nouns for them

 

go hi-jack somebody else's discussion

 

Yeah but there's a right answer that should be apparent regardless of the gender providing it. I saw you already have received it, liked that answer and then proceeded to give you flak about expecting that answer to be different based on gender.

 

That's not to say the reasoning behind the answer might not be different....

 

Most guys by the time they are adults are more than used to rejection. I wouldn't be surprised if you're making a bigger deal out of this than he ever does. That's not to say a guy can't get his hopes up and then feel devastated if they are dashed, but that most of us dudes, when single, understand we're gonna get rejected in most of our advances. Can't blame a guy for trying and all that.

 

That you put so much emphasis on the gender of the responders shows an inherent sexism. Truth doesn't change based on gender. Science doesn't change based on gender. A good book or movie or song doesn't change based on gender. What changes is how those things are interpreted by the individual. The meaning we associate with or value assumed.

 

So, no, I wasn't trying to hijack your thread. I was trying to be funny about showing you a hole in your logic/a flaw in your armor / a speck of dirt in your hair. Guess that came across wrong to you. Hope it makes more sense now.

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salparadise
Yeah but there's a right answer that should be apparent regardless of the gender providing it.

 

"A" right answer? Implying that every response is either correct or incorrect? Buzzzzt. Not binary. Nuanced.

 

That you put so much emphasis on the gender of the responders shows an inherent sexism. Truth doesn't change based on gender.

 

Ahem, truth –– are you really going to school us on truth? I hate to break this news to you, but truth is a human perception, and perception is variable depending upon where you're standing as you view something. There is probably nothing worse than a person who insists on imposing their truth on everyone else.

 

There are often perceptual differences between the genders, but that doesn't equal sexism. Hell, three-fourths of the discussions in these forums are efforts to reconcile the differing perspectives, and few of them are sexist.

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You seriously are saying that truth is subjective? Are we politicians discussing global warming now?

 

I suppose you think rape to be a matter of perspective too?

 

 

Chances are you were just gathering info for some article you were writing anyway.. you've been on this forum for too long to really need advice about something like this anyway.

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