when friends cross the line.. now we are no longer friends.

[anynomous34]

Hey... I quite honestly dont know how to start this...

To be honest I just feel so alone right now. I feel stupid for even believing in him ... to be fair I only believed parts of him.. I also not the type to post forums about this sort of .. I just feel so damn alone and I feel like no one really cares about me. It really hurts me because I thought I could trust this guy..

 

Im just so angry at this point how he totally turned his back on me.. It's soooo scary to think you actually know someone but realizing you had really no clue who they were... about 5 years ago i met this attractive guy.. he was handsome.. and .. I can't even type without wanting to cry so hard..

Im furious...because I thought he was sweet. He's a ing scumbag i wish i could slap his face..anyway... we met went on a couple dates... we flirted kissed.. we were pretty close to becoming intimate but we never really did... see i guess I was raised mormon growing up .. and i really liked him so i didnt want to ruin things by having sex with him.. anyway he is in the Air Force so he traveled alot for work and he was stationed in Asia so he said... now Im even starting to question his entire existence ... anyway we decided to keep in touch online.. he was always so sweet with me.. and we constantly chatted online and messaged eachother to touch base and check up on eachother.. i mean i never thought anything romantic would really happen between us because he was never in town .. and when he was i enlisted in the army.. now im no longer in the military.. at this point i came back home... to California...plus he was always telling me he cared about me and really was into me blah blah bah.. he even said he wanted to marry me... ok i didnt really believe that but still why the would someone say that... i just cant believe this GUY!! he was also on post here in Los Angeles. So i so eagerly called him when I got back because umm hello I hadn't seen him in forever.. anyway.. Im also going through depression and still trying to get diagnosed for either bi polar or i think OCD.. honestly i don't even know why i called him.. we met up and we became intimate after all that time.. i mean granted we mostly kept in touch online... but I just shared so much with him... and NOW I hate him! LIke what a ing PIECE of . He totally played me. WHo the dpes he think he is.. Im furious... because the moment we became intimate he like started acting busy.. saying he was working ... or doing this doing that.. so then i confronted him about it and he totally turned on me telling me that he thought it was best for us to be friends because I was taking things too seriously.. WHAT THE HELL!?? I mean ok.. so i apologized for smothering him which I was honest about I understand the feeling I've been smothered before and its annoying... and he seemed so genuine about how busy he was and my texting was excessive so i said sorry and he said maybe it's cool if we are friends because i was making things so complicated and we were losing the fun out of dating he said he still liked me .. liOfcourse I held it together and said ok lets just be ... Im thinking you know what ... maybe if we are friends then we could hang out and just really just be that and not totally over do things.. boy two days ago.. I was feeling the urge to go out hence I havent really heard from him after that convo ... so i texted him hey we should go to mexico..!! I was honest and super slammed just finishing up all MY dreaded school work.. he then said oh Im in Vegas.. ! .. Cough cough. Im trying to be cool about the entire thing... so im like fun.. but at the same time Im like you're a jerk for not inviting... and he giggled i started noticing how much he enjoyed rubbing that in my face and it really irritated me let alone he wasnt the same person I talked to before... and he thought it was funny to do that... so then i said he was not funny and he was a sociopath .. and i said have fun with the hookers getting herpes.. he totally got offended and said i was being rude.. anyway... he was ignoring me at this point.. i said you know what... you changed ever since we had sex which he did!!! Like he was always there for me when i needed someone to talk ... and always was there for me when things got really bad for me.. he was always being supportive about my goals... its like after we had sex he didnt like me anymore... i was even trying to date other people for the sake of not getting attached to him... ofcourse i still did.. It pisses me off though... he totally said after the text i sent that he was not interested in me anymore and started seeing somebody else... ! And he didnt like that I was confronting him about his behavior.... I hate him sooo much! I mean I just dont know how to feel ... Im hurting sooo much... i just felt so vulnerabble alone and going through a lot of depression... and I thought by getting close to him I would maybe feel happy again... BUT i just totally dont... Im so angry.. that he treated me so coldly after we became intimate... to the point that i blew up his phone that day.. he said he was in vegas with his parents ??? and he couldnt talk... he's had his phone off for 2 days now! I left him a lengthy text message expressing my concerns not to mention being PETTY yes ladies.. I went there.. Im thinking what the hell! It just bothered me SO MUCH how much bull he fed me..he even talked to me when i was in a ing psych ward.. I had a rough time in the miitary.. and got a Honorable discharge because I was having suicidal thoughts and having really bad depression... Im just in such a low place right now.. I feel so alone sometimes.. and i feel so abused and hurt... i honestly sometimes i want to just end my life again... I feel so taken advantage of.. Im back from the military trying to make ends meat by doing lyft and I was already struggling emotionally... i dont know why I was as stupid enough to think that I would find comfort in him ... he was always there for me when things got hard for me.. how could he??!?! Im sooo hurting right now guys.. I was already ed emotionally... from leaving the army.. I didnt have such a good time there.. i left early didnt even get a chance to deploy nor go to Air trooper school which was my next step... Im just so disappointed i dont mean to have a ing pitty party but i just dont know who to talk to me anymore..im hurting so much... i just dont know how much more pain Im supposed to endure.. I think Im a beautiful woman... Im smart... im caring.. I care about others Im loyal... I am loving.. i have empathy... I am etremely adventure driven and I would consider myself a girly tomboy.. Im girlie in civilians and obviously a tomboy when it came to working out or working hard.. and being in the army I dont make a lot of money.. and honestly i feel like thats why he didnt want me.. because he is like a colonel in the Air Force...and I didnt graduate college and I dont have a degree and I didnt graduate from some Ivy ing league or grow up with parents who make money like he does.. or ing have the money to go to a ing ski resort or travel as much as he does.... I mean I had to struggle growing up and its not some sob story either... it's just I wish sometimes people had more empathy... HE MAKES ME SICK.. I really do hate him.. I didnt really like him in the beginning.. but then as the time progressed i got to really appreciate the friendship he provided.. even though we didnt talk like every day.. he was always sweet to me and there for me when got rough... I've been through so much bull.. at the same time I feel blessed for my family and all the opportunities I've created for myself.. it really hurts. I guess I just need to vent because I have no one to talk to. I hate opening up to people.. Im learning to. Im really selective with who I do it to too.. but here online.. is the best idea I've got.

 

so here is my question... what the hell are you supposed to do... I feel so sad ... I want to be happy again.. I want to be the girl I used to be.. I always loved being around people and now Im just in my room all of the time.. worrying about everything.. I do not want to become a jaded ugly person because some douche bag hurt me.. I know Im worth more... i feel so let down.. He was probably the one guy i really cared about i didnt want to blow it with him. I literally wrote him some very mean messages too :/ i guess i just wanted him to hurt too

... after the army i just became such a evil person.. its like you learn how to defend yourself at all costs... he deserves it though for the most part.. he deserves it because he doesnt give a about how much i am hurting right now... I told him he was fat and the sex was bad...and i said he would regret it.. .. i sounded like a male douchebag...it's just it hurts me how he could just turn his back on me... the best ammo I've got is his weight and i said he sucked in bed which was not true i said he was fat i also said he hurt me i just cant believe he walked away on me like that .. we were friends i remember even telling him id be happy for him if he found someone that made him happy if me and him didnt work out...i just didnt think it would hurt me this much... he didnt even wait ..

 

How do you just let it go...how do i just let him go? He obviously didnt care about letting me go that easily for that new girl he is seeing. What would you do? It just hurts sooo much..

Edited April 11, 2017 by anynomous34

[Lilyana76]

You need to stop communicating with him completely. Go no contact right now. Block his number, block his social media, remove him from your world. You can't heal if you keep responding to him and reopening the wound.

 

Secondly, you need some help. You are suffering from some severe anxiety and depression. Being holed up in a room all day, worrying about everything. You need to seek therapy, and a psychiatrist to help with some medication perhaps. The brain is like any other organ in your body, when its sick you need to find the proper help for healing it. I've been there, I know.

 

I'm gathering that the hardest part for you is losing him as a friend, just as much as a possible boyfriend. I think he wasn't really that into you, he fed you what you wanted to hear, and got what he wanted out of you, then decided it was time for him to move on. You need to realize, he was not your friend, he was nothing but a possibility, and he shot that down. Block him, remove him. Move on. You know you are better than this treatment, so get up, dust yourself off and find someone worthy of you.

[Gaeta]

I am sorry you are going through this pain and all these emotions you are going through are normal. It will hurt until it doesn't anymore.

 

You need to realize your part in this heartbreak. From the beginning you did not believe him on certain things but still made the decision to invest yourself. He was a man solely communicating online with you and again you made the decision of investing yourself. You did not want to have sex with him to not 'ruin' it and you still went ahead and had sex with him without establishing a relationship first. Once your understand where you put yourself at risk half the pain will go away.

 

You also need medical attention. Go see your family doctor, until you get an official diagnostic he can medicate you for anxiety so at least you can function.

 

Good luck with everything

[smackie9]

I don't think he knew what he was getting himself into...and before he knew it he realized he was dealing with someone who has mental illness. That's why he backed out and didn't know how to handle you with your delicate emotional condition. Your perception is that right from the start he had this plan to torture you, mess with your head, and hurt you bad....but in reality this probably isn't true at all. He did enjoy the emotional relationship he had with you until you went off the deep end obsessive/out of control. You can't see it, all you see is your hurt, and now you just want to lay blame on him and tear the house down in a fury of hate. That is the mental illness talking. It's a horrible place to be and you most certainly need to get yourself to see a medical professional. I believe once you get into some proper counseling and drug therapy it will clear up all this confusion and feelings of hopelessness.

[Tressugar]

I hate that you're going through this. Some men will wait weeks, months and yes some even years to get the goods and bounce.

 

Yes this is a painful lesson to learn, but we all have gone through it before. You'll survive and come out stronger in the end.

 

(Some) military men are just that, players. They're to have fun with. There are a few faithful, serious ones (retired)... I haven't met one yet and was born and raised on base all my life, but still holding out hope.

[anynomous34]

You need to stop communicating with him completely. Go no contact right now. Block his number, block his social media, remove him from your world. You can't heal if you keep responding to him and reopening the wound.

 

Secondly, you need some help. You are suffering from some severe anxiety and depression. Being holed up in a room all day, worrying about everything. You need to seek therapy, and a psychiatrist to help with some medication perhaps. The brain is like any other organ in your body, when its sick you need to find the proper help for healing it. I've been there, I know.

 

I'm gathering that the hardest part for you is losing him as a friend, just as much as a possible boyfriend. I think he wasn't really that into you, he fed you what you wanted to hear, and got what he wanted out of you, then decided it was time for him to move on. You need to realize, he was not your friend, he was nothing but a possibility, and he shot that down. Block him, remove him. Move on. You know you are better than this treatment, so get up, dust yourself off and find someone worthy of you.

 

Yeah, it is primarily the main thing his friendship did mean a lot to me... it's like every time something bad happen he would be there and he'd help console me... it's just really painful. Now im hurting but he's not there... it's just me by myself.. whats worse is that I didnt realize he was my go to for support until he hurt me and i was kind of in a loop... I reached out to an old best friend of mine... Im so glad I called her.. she was totally supportive and understood what I was going through... And you're right I think so too... I think he wasn't really interested ... I'm going to get through this.. yeah Im currently on medications for my anxiety.yesterday i cried but I stayed strong and didnt hurt myself.. i feel llike Im getting stronger.. to the point of not really needed someone there when **** hits the fan..i dont always want to rely on someone all of the time... because you get used to it..This time I was able to control my breathing and talk myself into a positive more hopeful outlook which is a change... i felt proud.

[anynomous34]

I don't think he knew what he was getting himself into...and before he knew it he realized he was dealing with someone who has mental illness. That's why he backed out and didn't know how to handle you with your delicate emotional condition. Your perception is that right from the start he had this plan to torture you, mess with your head, and hurt you bad....but in reality this probably isn't true at all. He did enjoy the emotional relationship he had with you until you went off the deep end obsessive/out of control. You can't see it, all you see is your hurt, and now you just want to lay blame on him and tear the house down in a fury of hate. That is the mental illness talking. It's a horrible place to be and you most certainly need to get yourself to see a medical professional. I believe once you get into some proper counseling and drug therapy it will clear up all this confusion and feelings of hopelessness.

 

He knew me for a long time.. and my belief was never that he was trying to mess with my head.. I was always so open with him..I actually shared a lot of intimate things with him... he's been there with me through a lot of tough moments in my life. And I will always be grateful for that... I'm just totally shocked that he pushed me away... and you're right maybe i was trying to be obsessive... but i did this once the second time i did it .. which was when i was being assertive i told him i noticed he was changing. I've had my heart broken before and once that happens you kind of always become very wary about things.. you ask to be sure... once you get hurt you see things a little bit differently after that... i mean what am i supposed to do just let it happen and watch as the guy i care about fades away.. I was right ... he started seeing someone else and he changed after sex. And I will learn from this.. for sure.. Im going to get over it... and take care of myself...

[anynomous34]

I hate that you're going through this. Some men will wait weeks, months and yes some even years to get the goods and bounce.

 

Yes this is a painful lesson to learn, but we all have gone through it before. You'll survive and come out stronger in the end.

 

(Some) military men are just that, players. They're to have fun with. There are a few faithful, serious ones (retired)... I haven't met one yet and was born and raised on base all my life, but still holding out hope.

 

Yeah, I've heard this before too.. sucks eh. His loss.

[anynomous34]

I am sorry you are going through this pain and all these emotions you are going through are normal. It will hurt until it doesn't anymore.

 

You need to realize your part in this heartbreak. From the beginning you did not believe him on certain things but still made the decision to invest yourself. He was a man solely communicating online with you and again you made the decision of investing yourself. You did not want to have sex with him to not 'ruin' it and you still went ahead and had sex with him without establishing a relationship first. Once your understand where you put yourself at risk half the pain will go away.

 

You also need medical attention. Go see your family doctor, until you get an official diagnostic he can medicate you for anxiety so at least you can function.

 

Good luck with everything

 

Yeah I agree. I don't think I shouldve allowed myself to be truly vulnerable with him... i think that is what made me become attached is the idea that I shared very intimate things about my life with him.. troubles.. dreams and goals.. and he always had something great to say.. but because of this i think i had already grown attached ... so i think i'll stay single for a while until I truly get over this hump ... plus ive got school and other things i should begin to focus on. Wish me luck guys.. Thank you for all of your insights it really does help to listen to ALL OF YOU... THANK YOU

[anynomous34]

Guys.. so i posted something a couple of weeks ago about this guy who has been my friend for years... always a sweetheart and he was always there for me when things got hard... so right now.. basically I'm missing him a lot!

 

We became involved sexually twice.. and things got weird.. and we got into an argument..because he claims i was being too clingy.. since i asked him why he was pulling away.. which i felt he was... the moment i expressed myself he shocked me with "Im seeing someone " and stopped all communication with me..I was furious.. i then went on my facebook.. and tried to get a hold off of him there... i was angry and called him "fat and said he was a coward for not having the balls to tell me to my face what he was doing..i also called him a materialistic prick. he now is dating a NEW girl... which KILLS ME! Honestly I feel like he's just punishing me because I was being needy.. but he did change the moment we became intimate.

*****Fastforward to NOW

So this last Thurs or Friday I decided to go to his house.. and have him confront me to my FACE ... it just bothered me how he just completely evaded me.. so i called him since he wasnt home.... me and him talked over the phone since he was soo worried that I would hit him.. lol he knows he's wrong.. anyway...we met up and he had his friend join us.. because he worried that i would go "nuts" I was calm..

 

I told him we needed to talk once and for all.. i needed closure ... i need him to give it to me straight... he was a bit upset because I showed up to his place unannounced worried that his girl might be there.. I said whats the big deal.. Im not here to start a fight with anyone I just need closure.. he also became upset with me because I said "a lot of hurtful" things...i told him i didnt mean to call him those names.. he was so upset with me because of the name calling.. and he said he didnt want to be my friend anymore because he doesn't associate with people who treat others badly... on the other hand I'm trying to explain to him how bad he has treated me.. HE REALLY hurt me! I feel like he's just trying to punish me for being needy..but i honestly was just trying to see how he was... and he then told me the girl he began dating... they became official because she begged him to be with him since he didnt like the fact that she smoked ... she said she would stop for him.. and he said she stopped smoking so now he can take her more seriously..

 

...I don't know.. i get the feeling he is trying to use this "girlfriend" to make me jealous.. I like him and miss him but at the same time I dont want to feed his ego and let him know how i feel..or put myself in a idiotic position.. he was already stating "that I was taking things too seriously" and that "i obviously love him" which I dont and am not.. I said "dont flatter yourself" and "chill kid, please"

 

 

Basically.. I miss him.. more as a friend than anything.. <3 i mean i dont even care about that girl.. me and him have a history together.. and that's not something anyone could just take away from us..

he's a great guy.. and i obviously said some mean things because he has hurt me.

....for years he has told me he's wanted something serious with me I always liked him but I couldnt get myself to fully trust him..he also would start saying that he wanted to marry me.. i never really took all his words seriously.. so his friendship always meant more to me.. until recently we became intimate and things obviously got awkward.. I don't want to reach out to him because he has clearly stated he no longer wants to be my friend but at the same time.. i feel like ...dude how you could throw our friendship away..Im fighting it right now . <3 I miss him :'(

[preraph]

I'm sorry you're heartbroken. It truly just sounds like you came on too strong for him or, like you said, trusted him and thought you had something to build a relationship on. But guess what? He's not ready for that. He was probably lonely and all that and leaning on you. Anyway, it was too much more than what he was looking for, and now you're left hurting. I'm sorry about that.

 

To give him a little benefit of the doubt, like you said you hadn't been face to face much. Things are very different face to face and no, you cannot trust that a mostly online relationship is going to translate well in real life. It just doesn't usually.

 

Try to just stay busy. Take care of yourself and try not to spiral downward. Do things to just take care of yourself and then mourn, and then start seeing friends and being social and just try to move forward.