Am I doing the right thing by slowly breaking off my friendship?

[Cakelover42]

I've been friends with Katie my best friend for 10 years (since highschool) I'm at the point in my life where I am engaged just got a place with my Fiancé and wanting to do better things.

 

My friend has been a decent friend but when we talk on the phone all we talk about is either her old high-school memories, how much she hates her job or Our old friend from high school who she says is unhappy with for not being our friend anymore. She says I'm old because I want to get married and not go clubbing all the time like her.

 

She only hangs with me when it is convenient for her. Im always the one to go to her house she never comes to mine. Last time she did was 8 years ago. She tells me I act too white ( She's Latin and I'm black). I've always been a person who kind of stays in friendships because we have so many memories, and there have been good ones, and I don't want to hurt the person's feelings. Now I am just done and tired. To the point where I don't interact with her as much as I used to. She will text me to hang out and I will say I'm busy. I just know If I tell her the truth she will cause drama call me names and other stuff and say bad things about me.

 

I don't need anymore drama right now. I just want peace and I want to make room for better friends, but I feel stuck . Now that I'm engaged I realized my friendship with her is not a good one. It makes me sad cause I wanted her as my maid of honor and I want a best friend that I can be there for when we have be huge life experiences but I know it wouldn't be that way. We are growing apart and I dont know if what I'm doing is okay. I am slowly distancing myself but I feel sooooooooo bad, but I know I only live once and I have to do what's best for me and my happiness for once.

Edited April 6, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[preraph]

Well, there is a lot of middle ground between cutting her off forever and just stopping most communication. Call her out on that mouthy stuff she says. Maybe tell her, "Hey, we're a little too old to be throwing that word around. I'm starting to be offended by it. Please stop."

 

You've mostly already stopped seeing her, sounds like. She hasn't been to your house in eight years, so simply stop going to hers. Maybe limit your time with her to group barbeques or church stuff, invite her to a wedding or baby shower when it's time and go to hers. I believe you've outgrown her but also that you simply don't NEED her now because you have your man, but I advise against just abandoning friends because of a man. You may need them some day. If she does have kids sometime and you do too, you might wish you'd kept it going enough to have play dates or babysitting. Don't always return her texts or emails unless there's need to. If you're doing birthday and Christmas gifts, tell her you're having to cut out a bunch of that and end that.

 

Try to remember that you are the one who changed. She is probably just about like she always was when she was your friend before, but you've matured and gotten busy with a man and you can't blame her if it stings a little you're not available to go out anymore. It wouldn't hurt to just have a lunch with her once or twice a year. But do call her on the stuff that has started annoying you. Good luck.