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Typical "what would YOU do?" situation


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 18th February 2017, 10:34 PM   #1
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Typical "what would YOU do?" situation

A year ago, I met a woman through a dating site. The chemistry wasn't there for her, and frankly, I didn't see her as long-term material either, but neither of us had better things to do, I suppose, so we wound up going out a bunch of times platonically. We both seemed to enjoy each other's company platonically, and I soon found out that she didn't live in my city but was only here for some months on a work contract. The day came when she had to leave, and I saw her off with a hug and thinking I'd send her a Christmas card.

Almost a year later, she texted me to say she had gotten another work contract in my city and would arrive in January. She asked if I could take and send her some pictures of the area where she expected to rent an apartment, which I did. On Christmas she texted to say she'd arrive in my city January 1.

On January 10, I texted to ask if she had indeed arrived, and she replied that she had and was settling in. On January 20, I texted and said, hey, let's get together. She replied that she was expecting a friend from home for the weekend, so we should "play it by ear."

I didn't hear from her until today, February 18, seven weeks after she got here and almost a month after I first texted her, and she was all like, "Hello my friend! What have you been up to? Are you working this weekend?" As it happens, I am working this weekend, but of course that doesn't mean I don't have an hour or two to catch up with a friend. But I just replied to her question and said I was fine and that I was working this weekend. She replied, "Oh, ok."

What would YOU do? Would you see her again? I wasn't expecting to be her number-one priority, but I confess I'm somewhat hurt to realize that I'm so unimportant to her that SEVEN WEEKS went by before she even considered having free time for me.

Please understand, I'm not saying I'm entitled to a higher priority in her life. I'm saying that if my priority is this low, I might as well not consider her a friend. What do you think?
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Old 18th February 2017, 10:54 PM   #2
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To be fair, have you ever moved house? It can weeks to get settled, get utilities turned on, get cable installed, unpack clothes, buy things you need, move furniture around. And you're usually running back and forth to the old town to get stuff.

So getting mad because she didn't run into your arms as soon as she got to town is a little unfair. Now, you also have to realize you are not why she moved back and that she is still not interested in you except as a friend.

Be glad she didn't ask you to help her unload everything!
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Old 19th February 2017, 7:55 AM   #3
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I think at this point you're still more like a good acquaintance/low priority friend to her. You just have to accept that and decide for yourself if that type of friendship works for you. Maybe she even had a housewarming party in the meantime which she didn't invite you to.

You can just have fun with her if you want, and don't make her a priority. Treat her the same way she treats you
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Old 19th February 2017, 9:06 AM   #4
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I wouldn't rearrange anything for her or make her a priority but if you are both free there's no harm in catching up.
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Old 20th February 2017, 5:15 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by preraph View Post
To be fair, have you ever moved house? It can weeks to get settled, get utilities turned on, get cable installed, unpack clothes, buy things you need, move furniture around.
Oh, I should have mentioned that she didn't "move" in any real sense of the word. She does this for a living, and the housing is set up through her contract. The apartments she gets are furnished and already have all the utilities turned on. And she travels with two suitcases, basically.
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Old 20th February 2017, 5:17 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Erik30 View Post
I think at this point you're still more like a good acquaintance/low priority friend to her. You just have to accept that and decide for yourself if that type of friendship works for you. Maybe she even had a housewarming party in the meantime which she didn't invite you to.

You can just have fun with her if you want, and don't make her a priority. Treat her the same way she treats you
No housewarming party. She doesn't know anybody here, and she's not the type. But what you say makes sense. I'll mirror her behavior. Thanks.
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