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My bff stole my other bff...


Senritsu

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Hey guys. I've been looking for the right place to post this and this looks like a pretty good forum so I hope I can get some support and advice.

 

I really don't know if I have a "right" to be upset about this but I am regardless. I had two equally close friends, Arabel and Tony. Arabel was the sister I never had and Tony was the brother. I knew Arabel for a lot longer than I knew Tony, but that proves how strong his and my connection was. We were actually just about to get even closer than me and Arabel until she came between us.

 

They never knew each other and honestly I never wanted them to. Arabel and I shared pretty much the same friends and I just wanted to have ONE friend that she didn't have. I didn't think that was too much to ask. But one day him and I bumped into her and I HAD to introduce them. Of course they got along immediately which is what I was afraid would happen. She wasn't doing anything and we were headed to a restaurant so naturally he invited her with us.

 

We sat and ate and I was totally the third wheel as they chatted and flirted on and on. He's a natural flirt so I expected that, but I didn't exist her to flirt back so fervently. I felt instantly scared. I thought, what if they become MORE than friends? I couldn't stand the thought. Her taking him away as a friend was bad enough but as a boyfriend? I knew if she did that, he wouldn't have any time to hang out with me. He told me I was the closest person to him and if she got with him, she would take that spot.

 

So when he went to the bathroom, I had a talk with her. I told her everything, how I just wanted to have one friend that she didn't have as well, how him and I were really developing something special and how I didn't want that ruined. She immediately asked me if I liked him which I don't (i have a boyfriend) I just didn't want to lose our great friendship. She said she completely understood and that she would back off and leave us be.

 

So you can imagine my shock and anger to drive by her place to see them KISSING a week later. She keeps trying to explain herself but I don't want to hear it. I feel utterly betrayed and disregarded, I don't think I can ever even look at her again much less be friends. I still want to talk to him because he's really important to me but I'm terrified that he'll end up talking to me less and less because of her, so I feel like I should cut him off too for my own sanity. I hate that this happened and especially that it happened behind my back. Please help. Have any of you been in this situation?

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I've never been in that situation and I don't think I ever will be, either, since I wouldn't dream of trying to wish or prevent 2 of my friends from becoming close. I understand the left out feel - totally - but there is just no right for you to try to limit other people in any way as to who they can socialize or have romances with.

 

I especially don't see it as fair or reasonable for you to try to claim an exclusive right over Tony when you already have a boyfriend. I understand Arabel promised to stay away, but that wasn't a reasonable promise to make or to ask for IMO.

 

Long story short:

 

I had two equally close friends, Arabel and Tony. Arabel was the sister I never had and Tony was the brother..... one day him and I bumped into her and I HAD to introduce them. Of course they got along immediately.....I see them KISSING a week later....I feel utterly betrayed and disregarded, I don't think I can ever even look at her again much less be friends......I'm terrified that he'll end up talking to me less and less because of her, so I feel like I should cut him off too for my own sanity.

The bolded above is a gross over-reaction that will quickly lose you both Arabel and Tony as friends, and perhaps others as well. The mature and wise thing to do is to be happy for your two dear friends. And also remember that things change and it is not probably they'll be together forever.

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I think its very wrong of you to expect your two friends to not get along or have any kind of relationship. After all, you are still their friend even if they hit it off right?

 

You have a boyfriend, for you to claim exclusive rights to Tony and his friendship is wrong all the way around. You should be happy that two of your best friends are happy!

 

Cutting off friendships because they made other friends or entered a relationship is not a very mature thing to do. Why not be mature about it and be happy for them.

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In the past, has your friendship with Arabel been competitive in any way, or have you felt left out by her?

 

It's not that unusual to feel some stirrings of resentment when friends that are close to you suddenly become best friends themselves and potentially alter the dynamic. Friendships ebb and flow and both your friends and you will develop bonds with other people over time. Accept the situation as it is, try not to stress about it and seek out new acquaintances that aren't tied to Arabel.

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In the past, has your friendship with Arabel been competitive in any way, or have you felt left out by her?

 

It's not that unusual to feel some stirrings of resentment when friends that are close to you suddenly become best friends themselves and potentially alter the dynamic. Friendships ebb and flow and both your friends and you will develop bonds with other people over time. Accept the situation as it is, try not to stress about it and seek out new acquaintances that aren't tied to Arabel.

 

I did compete with her quite a lot over a variety of things, amount of friends being one of them. I guess this could have a lot to do with my feelings about this. I didn't really think of that before.

 

I look forward to becoming friends with totally new people but sadly it's never been that easy for me.

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@Senritsu ~

 

You don't need a "right" to be upset, you feel what you feel and there is nothing wrong with that. This happens a lot and there are many people who keep their social circles separate for a reason.

 

As a person who has been in this situation quite a few times, I would say sit back and just see how it all plays out. Don't make decisions when you are upset. I know you are not happy about it but I don't think you should cut them off just yet, maybe just distance yourself a little and see what happens because who knows they might not even last long anyway. In all the situations I've been in, none of them worked out and because I didn't get involved I remained friends with them all even if they had fallen out with each other.

 

One is like a sister to you, one is like a brother to you so it sounds like they are both good people or you wouldn't have bothered investing in them. This one incident may have upset you but don't write them off because of 1 bad thing they did when they have done 99 good things.

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I've never been in that situation and I don't think I ever will be, either, since I wouldn't dream of trying to wish or prevent 2 of my friends from becoming close. I understand the left out feel - totally - but there is just no right for you to try to limit other people in any way as to who they can socialize or have romances with.

 

I especially don't see it as fair or reasonable for you to try to claim an exclusive right over Tony when you already have a boyfriend. I understand Arabel promised to stay away, but that wasn't a reasonable promise to make or to ask for IMO.

 

Long story short:

 

 

The bolded above is a gross over-reaction that will quickly lose you both Arabel and Tony as friends, and perhaps others as well. The mature and wise thing to do is to be happy for your two dear friends. And also remember that things change and it is not probably they'll be together forever.

 

It's just... I know I *should* be happy for them but I'm a naturally super sensitive person and this just makes me feel utterly rejected. Tony made me feel super special because I was his only friend but now I feel like she took that away from me because she's now MORE than his friend. I'm the kind of person who NEEDS to feel special or I just shut down. Arabel knew this about me.

 

I also know that I was enough for him so I know he's not the one who initiated things with her, SHE had to have been.

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I've never been in that situation and I don't think I ever will be, either, since I wouldn't dream of trying to wish or prevent 2 of my friends from becoming close. I understand the left out feel - totally - but there is just no right for you to try to limit other people in any way as to who they can socialize or have romances with.

 

I especially don't see it as fair or reasonable for you to try to claim an exclusive right over Tony when you already have a boyfriend. I understand Arabel promised to stay away, but that wasn't a reasonable promise to make or to ask for IMO.

 

Long story short:

 

 

The bolded above is a gross over-reaction that will quickly lose you both Arabel and Tony as friends, and perhaps others as well. The mature and wise thing to do is to be happy for your two dear friends. And also remember that things change and it is not probably they'll be together forever.

 

I just feel like, reasonable or not: a promise is a promise. If she found it unreasonable she should've told me instead of breaking it. Maybe that's just me but I always keep a promise.

 

I doubt they'll be together forever but it still bothers me greatly that they were able to even get to that point. :(

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Break it down.

 

There's nothing wrong with him wanting a girlfriend or a second friend besides you. If you really cared about him and his happiness instead of just your own, you would want him to expand and have friends and a girlfriend. So you are being selfish on that point. I'm sure he's tired of you having your boyfriend instead of him being your boyfriend, if he was honest, or at least was at some point.

 

I don't like how she has acted, especially after you talked to her, but she probably just feels you have no right to him since you have a boyfriend. And she isn't loyal to you, so I don't like that, but under the circumstances, it's not that heinous. Now, if she ever tries to steal your bf, THEN she needs to be left behind.

 

Since you're not supposed to know this, you keep asking him to do thinks just like you always did and find out if he's going to come clean with you or try to keep it a secret and that tells you something about him and his loyalty to you. If she should try to talk to you about him, tell her not to put you in the middle. If he tries to talk to you about her, either tell him not to put you in the middle or let him talk all he wants about her, which will drive her crazy.

 

But to anyone else, the rest of your friends, remain totally quiet about the whole thing and let her be the gossiping interloper so you can maybe not poison the whole group of friends. Just don't even talk about either of them to the other friends at all. That way if she starts in on you, maybe one of them will have a little sympathy for you.

 

If she tries to spend time with you while pretending she's not seeing him, then just tell her you're busy but don't be nasty to her.

 

It sounds to me like you may have some other feelings for him than just friends and be keeping him as a spare. If not, then I would just beg you to see that at some point he was going to get a girlfriend. Would it be less complicated if it wasn't her? Yes, of course. But that's why you keep it polite and simple on your end and then if they run it off in the ditch with each other or with friends, no one can blame you for it.

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I also know that I was enough for him so I know he's not the one who initiated things with her, SHE had to have been.

 

 

He's not your pet.

He is only your friend, you have no right to dictate who he dates.

Did you imagine him pandering to your every whim right into your dotage?

Good old faithful Tony - never been kissed...

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Break it down.

 

There's nothing wrong with him wanting a girlfriend or a second friend besides you. If you really cared about him and his happiness instead of just your own, you would want him to expand and have friends and a girlfriend. So you are being selfish on that point. I'm sure he's tired of you having your boyfriend instead of him being your boyfriend, if he was honest, or at least was at some point.

 

I don't like how she has acted, especially after you talked to her, but she probably just feels you have no right to him since you have a boyfriend. And she isn't loyal to you, so I don't like that, but under the circumstances, it's not that heinous. Now, if she ever tries to steal your bf, THEN she needs to be left behind.

 

Since you're not supposed to know this, you keep asking him to do thinks just like you always did and find out if he's going to come clean with you or try to keep it a secret and that tells you something about him and his loyalty to you. If she should try to talk to you about him, tell her not to put you in the middle. If he tries to talk to you about her, either tell him not to put you in the middle or let him talk all he wants about her, which will drive her crazy.

 

But to anyone else, the rest of your friends, remain totally quiet about the whole thing and let her be the gossiping interloper so you can maybe not poison the whole group of friends. Just don't even talk about either of them to the other friends at all. That way if she starts in on you, maybe one of them will have a little sympathy for you.

 

If she tries to spend time with you while pretending she's not seeing him, then just tell her you're busy but don't be nasty to her.

 

It sounds to me like you may have some other feelings for him than just friends and be keeping him as a spare. If not, then I would just beg you to see that at some point he was going to get a girlfriend. Would it be less complicated if it wasn't her? Yes, of course. But that's why you keep it polite and simple on your end and then if they run it off in the ditch with each other or with friends, no one can blame you for it.

 

He was actually pretty upfront with me about seeing her. Darn, I really wish I wasn't supposed to know now because your plan is perfection!

 

Sadly I already told all of our mutual friends. :( They all see my side, thankfully. I don't even know whether or not they'll want to talk with her.

 

I DO think that he may have wanted to date me at one point, which makes me feel guilty. I think I might have had some feelings deep down... my bf is long distance and I kind of enjoyed Tony in his absence.

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He was actually pretty upfront with me about seeing her. Darn, I really wish I wasn't supposed to know now because your plan is perfection!

 

Sadly I already told all of our mutual friends. :( They all see my side, thankfully. I don't even know whether or not they'll want to talk with her.

 

I DO think that he may have wanted to date me at one point, which makes me feel guilty. I think I might have had some feelings deep down... my bf is long distance and I kind of enjoyed Tony in his absence.

 

 

Well, see, now thinking it through, you have realized a little more about yourself and this situation so that you can better deal with it. Tony is the equivalent of what married men at the office call their "work wife."

 

What I think you need is either to get into a position of being able to see your man more OR breaking up and finding someone local.

 

Meanwhile, your friends know, so too late to control that, but it's not too late to just maintain your dignity and stop talking about them and be the bigger person. My guess is eventually Tony will confide in her that he had a crush on you and probably shoot himself in the foot. If not, well, wish them well and find your self a local guy or go to your long-distance one.

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Well, see, now thinking it through, you have realized a little more about yourself and this situation so that you can better deal with it. Tony is the equivalent of what married men at the office call their "work wife."

 

What I think you need is either to get into a position of being able to see your man more OR breaking up and finding someone local.

 

Meanwhile, your friends know, so too late to control that, but it's not too late to just maintain your dignity and stop talking about them and be the bigger person. My guess is eventually Tony will confide in her that he had a crush on you and probably shoot himself in the foot. If not, well, wish them well and find your self a local guy or go to your long-distance one.

 

You really think so? :) that would be a dream come true to be completely honest. I'm not upset with him at all, he was always upfront. We could possibly make a good couple... do you think maybe I could bring up the possible crush and that we could start something up? This'll fix the "find a local man" thing!

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Well, I don't think you're in a position to talk to him about you two UNTIL you break it off with the long-distance guy. And honestly, he may harbor a little resentment if you rejected him before and if you go after him now, he will rightly think it is just because your friend is seeing him. So you're not in a position to do that right now. But bide your time. Decide if you want to keep your long-distance guy. Then if you break up and they break up (in any order), then you can ask if he'd like to be more. It might be awkward after all this time though! So consider if you really want him or not because if it's awkward, it will ruin the friendship.

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It's just... I know I *should* be happy for them but I'm a naturally super sensitive person and this just makes me feel utterly rejected. Tony made me feel super special because I was his only friend but now I feel like she took that away from me because she's now MORE than his friend. I'm the kind of person who NEEDS to feel special or I just shut down. Arabel knew this about me.

 

She knows that about you and therefore...she has to accommodate and indulge it?

 

As for Tony...I'm honestly horrified that a) you were his only friend, and b) you're happy about that because it resulted in him making you feel super special. What about Tony's needs? What about Tony's right to love, fun and happiness? You have a boyfriend already...but you want this guy friend of yours to be hanging around in the wings, with no friend and no life, waiting to be there when you need him. Yeah, you're "super sensitive" when it comes to your own needs maybe. Not so much when it comes to anybody else's.

 

You need to get a grip. Seriously.

 

I also know that I was enough for him so I know he's not the one who initiated things with her, SHE had to have been.

 

That's messed up. One friend, you, should not be enough for this guy. That kind of situation is bound to result in him being too dependent on you. Honestly, I think yours is one of the most selfish posts I've ever read on this board. I cannot believe you think that it's okay for this guy to only have you as a friend, and that you're not doing something to address this immature tendency to "shut down" if other people don't make you feel special. Instead, you seem to think it's something your friends need to accommodate. How narcissistic of you.

 

Arabel should have given you a metaphorical kick up the backside long ago, to help you see some sense.

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You really think so? :) that would be a dream come true to be completely honest. I'm not upset with him at all, he was always upfront. We could possibly make a good couple... do you think maybe I could bring up the possible crush and that we could start something up? This'll fix the "find a local man" thing!

 

And what about Arabel?

YOU would be happy stealing her new bf? Is that really what best friends do?

 

Tony was your friend not your bf, friends are allowed to date one another. YOU taking Arabel aside and warning her off Tony was a step too far IMO as you had no right to dictate there.

They rightfully ignored you, but now you want to step in and claim Tony as your bf....

YOU are coming across as self centred and entitled and you are using these people as pawns in your game.

People can date friends but it is not seen as a good thing to steal bfs off your supposed best friend.

 

The adult thing to do here is to accept the new status quo and be happy for them, you are supposed to love them after all as they are your best friends.

You need to sort your own life out. Ditch the LDR, it is obviously not working and find a real bf of your own.

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She knows that about you and therefore...she has to accommodate and indulge it?

 

As for Tony...I'm honestly horrified that a) you were his only friend, and b) you're happy about that because it resulted in him making you feel super special. What about Tony's needs? What about Tony's right to love, fun and happiness? You have a boyfriend already...but you want this guy friend of yours to be hanging around in the wings, with no friend and no life, waiting to be there when you need him. Yeah, you're "super sensitive" when it comes to your own needs maybe. Not so much when it comes to anybody else's.

 

You need to get a grip. Seriously.

 

 

 

That's messed up. One friend, you, should not be enough for this guy. That kind of situation is bound to result in him being too dependent on you. Honestly, I think yours is one of the most selfish posts I've ever read on this board. I cannot believe you think that it's okay for this guy to only have you as a friend, and that you're not doing something to address this immature tendency to "shut down" if other people don't make you feel special. Instead, you seem to think it's something your friends need to accommodate. How narcissistic of you.

 

Arabel should have given you a metaphorical kick up the backside long ago, to help you see some sense.

 

I know it comes off as selfish but I promise if you knew me you'd know that's the exact opposite of what I am. You haven't seen our friendship in action so of course you can't believe that I was enough for him. We were genuinely connected by our souls I feel; he was enough for me too. There's no one who knew him like I did, made him laugh like I did, and gave him as many great memories as I did. No one. He wasn't "waiting in the wings", he was right there next to me the whole time. HE even told me he didn't need anyone else.

 

All I can say is, I'm the best friend anyone could ask for. I've been told this by ALL of my friends so I know I'm not being narcissistic. Do I expect them to consider my "immature" need to feel special? Yes, I do. Because I consider all of their needs, big or small. I make all of my friends feel special so of course I expect the same in return. I don't plan on being taken advantage of- I want what I deserve and I deserve that consideration at least. I deserve to be recognized as the great person and friend that I am and I won't settle for someone making me feel like I'm less. That's it.

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such a wonderful friend you would consider trying to pursue a man (your best male friend) that your best friend is dating...

 

Sounds like a fabulous friend... not selfish of you at all.

 

I think you sound extremely selfish, wanting his attention for only you, not wanting your friends to meet and keep them to yourself, and now while in a relationship contemplating stealing your friend from your other friend.

 

For you to assume that you "know him like you do, make him laugh like you do, and gave him so many great memories" and that all this stuff is better than anyone else has ever given him, is very narcissistic of you.

 

It's one thing to have a friend make you feel special, its another to make them have their whole world revolve around you as a friend. Grow up.

 

You don't sound like the best friend anyone could ask for.

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And what about Arabel?

YOU would be happy stealing her new bf? Is that really what best friends do?

 

Tony was your friend not your bf, friends are allowed to date one another. YOU taking Arabel aside and warning her off Tony was a step too far IMO as you had no right to dictate there.

They rightfully ignored you, but now you want to step in and claim Tony as your bf....

YOU are coming across as self centred and entitled and you are using these people as pawns in your game.

People can date friends but it is not seen as a good thing to steal bfs off your supposed best friend.

 

The adult thing to do here is to accept the new status quo and be happy for them, you are supposed to love them after all as they are your best friends.

You need to sort your own life out. Ditch the LDR, it is obviously not working and find a real bf of your own.

 

She stole him first, though. I would just be taking back what belonged to me in the first place. I know you'll say "but he didn't belong to you, you were only friends" but I genuinely feel like if she didn't butt in, we might've escalated to becoming more than friends. Seeing them together made me realize that I may have had some feelings for him. And a poster here wrote that he probably had some for me too but never mentioned them because of my bf. So I would just be making things right, I feel.

 

I'm meeting up with him today to discuss this.

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TBH if I had 2 single friends and I have a bf; I would be happy that they found each other as long as they don't blame me if the relationship goes sour. It gives us the opportunity to double date and other couple thing to share the friendships all around. I think your obsession with your male friend is inappropriate and I wouldn't blame your bf if he didn't like it.

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I know it comes off as selfish but I promise if you knew me you'd know that's the exact opposite of what I am. You haven't seen our friendship in action so of course you can't believe that I was enough for him. We were genuinely connected by our souls I feel; he was enough for me too. There's no one who knew him like I did, made him laugh like I did, and gave him as many great memories as I did. No one. He wasn't "waiting in the wings", he was right there next to me the whole time. HE even told me he didn't need anyone else.

 

All I can say is, I'm the best friend anyone could ask for. I've been told this by ALL of my friends so I know I'm not being narcissistic. Do I expect them to consider my "immature" need to feel special? Yes, I do. Because I consider all of their needs, big or small. I make all of my friends feel special so of course I expect the same in return. I don't plan on being taken advantage of- I want what I deserve and I deserve that consideration at least. I deserve to be recognized as the great person and friend that I am and I won't settle for someone making me feel like I'm less. That's it.

 

So what does your bf say about all of this? Does he like this guy too?

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She stole him first, though. I would just be taking back what belonged to me in the first place. I know you'll say "but he didn't belong to you, you were only friends" but I genuinely feel like if she didn't butt in, we might've escalated to becoming more than friends. Seeing them together made me realize that I may have had some feelings for him. And a poster here wrote that he probably had some for me too but never mentioned them because of my bf. So I would just be making things right, I feel.

 

I'm meeting up with him today to discuss this.

 

She stole him first? Taking back what belonged to you? What is he, a piece of property? Ick... I hope he sees through you as a friend and possible relationship material and runs fast.

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It's just... I know I *should* be happy for them but I'm a naturally super sensitive person and this just makes me feel utterly rejected. Tony made me feel super special because I was his only friend but now I feel like she took that away from me because she's now MORE than his friend. I'm the kind of person who NEEDS to feel special or I just shut down. Arabel knew this about me.

 

I also know that I was enough for him so I know he's not the one who initiated things with her, SHE had to have been.

 

You really sound entitled. Why do you feel you are so special? If you need that type of attention you should be getting it from your own bf not Arabel's new bf.

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I don't plan on being taken advantage of- I want what I deserve and I deserve that consideration at least. I deserve to be recognized as the great person and friend that I am and I won't settle for someone making me feel like I'm less. That's it.

 

You know...I sometimes find myself getting told by other people that I have low self esteem. And it will relate to situations where I tolerate a situation that they perhaps wouldn't. Maybe tolerating being prioritised below somebody or something else. That kind of thing.

 

When I tolerate these things, it's not about having low self esteem. It's about it, basically, not being the end of the world for me if somebody else prioritises something above me, so long as I understand why they're doing it and I'm satisfied that it's not about demonstrating blatant disrespect. There might be times I need to prioritise other people or other things above a friend. And if I have allowed somebody to do that to me, I expect them to understand that at times I may need to do the same back. That's how, in reality, most people I know function. It's not about not valuing yourself. It's about compromising. About accepting that you are not the centre of the universe.

 

I don't think that demanding "put me first all the time. Prioritise me me me" is actually very suggestive of high self esteem. I think it's more likely to be the opposite. To come from a place of insecurity and a requirement for constant "you like me best, don't you? You'll put me first, won't you?" validation from friends, family etc. That's why people are telling you that you're narcissistic. You might feel "how can I be? Everybody loves me. This guy thinks I'm the greatest. He even told me that he doesn't need anybody else..."

 

But you've also made it very clear that you are a super-sensitive, as you put it, high maintenance sort of person who will shut down if others don't put in the effort you need in order to feel special. So I would guess that you encounter a lot of people telling you whatever it is they think you want to hear. Because that's probably easier. And maybe when he's with you, and having a good time with you - intense conversations and so on - perhaps this guy genuinely does feel that you're all he needs. Well, Arabel has come along and perhaps opened up the door to a new world for him. One that involves other people other than just you. And from the sound of things, he likes the look of that world and wants to explore it. And your first step to becoming a more rounded, secure person - and a genuinely good friend (as opposed to an emotionally intense and extremely needy one) would be to gracefully let him go and explore some of the stuff he's been missing out with while he's been confined in your very intense sounding world.

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You know...I sometimes find myself getting told by other people that I have low self esteem. And it will relate to situations where I tolerate a situation that they perhaps wouldn't. Maybe tolerating being prioritised below somebody or something else. That kind of thing.

 

When I tolerate these things, it's not about having low self esteem. It's about it, basically, not being the end of the world for me if somebody else prioritises something above me, so long as I understand why they're doing it and I'm satisfied that it's not about demonstrating blatant disrespect. There might be times I need to prioritise other people or other things above a friend. And if I have allowed somebody to do that to me, I expect them to understand that at times I may need to do the same back. That's how, in reality, most people I know function. It's not about not valuing yourself. It's about compromising. About accepting that you are not the centre of the universe.

 

I don't think that demanding "put me first all the time. Prioritise me me me" is actually very suggestive of high self esteem. I think it's more likely to be the opposite. To come from a place of insecurity and a requirement for constant "you like me best, don't you? You'll put me first, won't you?" validation from friends, family etc. That's why people are telling you that you're narcissistic. You might feel "how can I be? Everybody loves me. This guy thinks I'm the greatest. He even told me that he doesn't need anybody else..."

 

But you've also made it very clear that you are a super-sensitive, as you put it, high maintenance sort of person who will shut down if others don't put in the effort you need in order to feel special. So I would guess that you encounter a lot of people telling you whatever it is they think you want to hear. Because that's probably easier. And maybe when he's with you, and having a good time with you - intense conversations and so on - perhaps this guy genuinely does feel that you're all he needs. Well, Arabel has come along and perhaps opened up the door to a new world for him. One that involves other people other than just you. And from the sound of things, he likes the look of that world and wants to explore it. And your first step to becoming a more rounded, secure person - and a genuinely good friend (as opposed to an emotionally intense and extremely needy one) would be to gracefully let him go and explore some of the stuff he's been missing out with while he's been confined in your very intense sounding world.

 

What you said about people only telling me things because it's easier is what I've always been afraid of. I'm used to being told that I'm the best, that I'm special, that I'm the favorite, that I'm perfect how I am. I always took it to heart but I can't help but wonder, what if they only tell me these things because they know I'll shut down if they don't? Do they really mean it? This has always hurt me to consider. Do people REALLY love me or do they just not want to be responsible for my breakdown? This makes me very insecure. I guess I was so... possessive over Tony because I actually felt that he did genuinely think I was special and the best. I didn't want to lose that validation, ESPECIALLY not to HER.

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