magnesium Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 (edited) Several years ago I had a roommate for college who turned out to be a overt narcissist, and made my life hell. I stayed away from that guy since then. I still see this guy at the gym, and he usually ignores my existence completely until the other day, in which he walked up to me and started talking to me really nice. I was caught completely off-guard, I was not expecting it. The conversation lasted less than a minute. He he was being very friendly (aka, narcissist love-bombing). For like the first 15 seconds I acted friendly back, actually engaging in the kindness, but then my awareness kicked in regarding what an a**hole was to me in the past, and then I stayed silent. He stood there next to me for a good 5 seconds, then said he had to go and it was good to see me. I'm split on the way that I handled this. On the one hand, I'm glad I had the awareness to not say anything about myself to him, and he left as soon as he realised I won't speak up. Seeing the narcissist doesn't evoke any emotions in me, because what happened between us was years ago, and I got over it. On the other hand, I wish I asked him questions like, "You ignored my existence for 3 years as well as ignore me in the gym, and now you approach me???," or just say, "Go back to your workout," and then ignore him. You see, I would have said those things above, but it is just that I was caught off guard by the fact that he approached me in the first place. It was the last thing I expected. So instead, I just went silent, stared at my weights, and waited for him to leave...which is good...but still, I feel like I inadvertantly have given him the "OK" signal that he can now chat with me in the gym. If he approaches me again, then I'll be prepared for him. I'll probably just tell him to get lost, because I learned that it's best just not to engage a narcissist. I'm posting this to get this off my chest, and wondering if anyone else hear was ever caught off guard in some way by an enemy from your past? Edited February 8, 2017 by magnesium Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 ... On the other hand, I wish I asked him questions like, "You ignored my existence for 3 years, and now you approach me???," or just say, "Go back to your workout," and then ignore him. ... If he approaches me again, then I'll be prepared for him. I'll probably just tell him to get lost, because I learned that it's best just not to engage a narcissist. .... The bolded would be engaging with him. I would have handled it the same way you did. I would also handle it the same way in the future unless he gets aggressive towards you in some way. Otherwise, sometimes silence is golden. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author magnesium Posted February 8, 2017 Author Share Posted February 8, 2017 (edited) The bolded would be engaging with him. I would have handled it the same way you did. I would also handle it the same way in the future unless he gets aggressive towards you in some way. Otherwise, sometimes silence is golden. Thank you for the quick reply, and for your suggestion which I will follow. I wasn't sure if I handled the situation correctly because I wasn't expecting him to approach me. I don't see him getting aggressive with me, so that won't be an issue. I dont want to engage him, because I dont care about him anymore; I dont feel anger towards him about the past. Edited February 8, 2017 by magnesium 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 Any chance he feels a tiny bit bad about treating you badly years ago? Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted February 9, 2017 Share Posted February 9, 2017 narcs plan their moves, I would be careful not to get love-bombed again Link to post Share on other sites
Author magnesium Posted February 9, 2017 Author Share Posted February 9, 2017 Any chance he feels a tiny bit bad about treating you badly years ago? No chance of that. The long version of the story is really bad, and later on when he got a new roommate (after me), he screwed him over pretty badly too. Till this day he never apologised for anything to either of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author magnesium Posted February 9, 2017 Author Share Posted February 9, 2017 (edited) narcs plan their moves, I would be careful not to get love-bombed again Yea as he was love-bombing me, a giant siren in my mind went off screaming, "Narcissist alert!!!" I gave him the silent treatment ASAP, and it worked. I didn't give him any information about myself, because I know he is fishing for that. From here on out, I'm going to always avoid eye contact with him. I wear headphones in the gym, so if he tries talking to me, I'll just point at my headphones (indicating I cant hear him). If he tries to tell me to take off my headphones for whatever reason, I'll say no, and proceed with the silent treatment. I'll engage him in a more direct manner if he harasses me or doesn't get the hint to leave me alone; hopefully it won't go there. Edited February 9, 2017 by magnesium Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful714 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 If the guy is a true narcissist then you should know that by him approaching he had a motive and wants something from you. You acted appropriately in not engaging. For future I'd continue the nonchalance. If anything that is what bothers the F outta them people the most! Link to post Share on other sites
Author magnesium Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 If the guy is a true narcissist then you should know that by him approaching he had a motive and wants something from you. You acted appropriately in not engaging. For future I'd continue the nonchalance. If anything that is what bothers the F outta them people the most! Thank you for the re-assurance. Makes me feel better. From here on out, I'll be employing the "gray rock" method on him if he approaches me again. I won't engage him in any other way. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 "leave me alone. i don't want to know you." Link to post Share on other sites
Author magnesium Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 "leave me alone. i don't want to know you." In my experience with narcs, a direct response like you recommended isn't something they can comprehend like normal people can. They are far from normal. People are just pawns to narcs; they push other people's boundaries, and get a thrill when they won you over via love-bombing (so they have power over you), or get a thrill when they see you in pain. If anything, I decided to use this situation as an opportunity to practice my poker face against him, and show absolutely no emotion whatsoever. Anywho, I saw him again yesterday, and he was like 2 feet away from me. I didn't acknowledge his existence. I made no eye-contact and just walked right by him. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted February 14, 2017 Share Posted February 14, 2017 ive used that line twice, both times successfully. i say it to the person and after that, i don't look at them or speak to them again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author magnesium Posted February 14, 2017 Author Share Posted February 14, 2017 Thank you for the feedback. I'll see how things go in the future with this current narc, and if need be I will follow your suggestion. Link to post Share on other sites
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