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Multiple Questions - Best Friend and their Boyfriend

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Old 28th December 2016, 8:51 PM   #1
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Question Multiple Questions - Best Friend and their Boyfriend

Hi everyone, I'm new to these forums, so I apologize if I post in the wrong section.

I have multiple questions regarding my best friend and their boyfriend, since I'm trying to figure out if this girl is playing with me or purposefully mind f***king me.

Basically, I've been friends with this girl, nearly forever. We talk about everything, do lots of stuff together recently, until now she's got a new boyfriend. She's had some pretty bad and abusive relationships, we never dated, mainly because I have no interest in her aside from best friend, but there's times where I feel she shows strong interest in me, in respects to what she's talking about. She's also seemed to have fallen harder for this guy than any of the other people she's dated. She has dated this guy for only about 4 months.

1. Why does she constantly talk about her boyfriend to me? I mean it seems now very common more than ever, that she's constantly bringing him up with me. We had a conversation not go less than 10 seconds, and she's like "My boyfriend and me did X" Seriously? She used to hardly bring her other relationships up with me, but this one seems to be striking different.

2. I called her up on the phone a couple nights ago and her boyfriend was there, just to say hello and see how she was doing since she was feeling ill, and she was immediately talking about sex and intimacy with this guy. I mean really? You're going to tell me this? Why sex talk?

3. Finally, last month, we were supposed to go this art gallery together, since we're both classical art fans, and I told her I wanted to take her alone because of how special it is to both us, and what does she do? She took her boyfriend instead of me! She knew how special it was to us, and she took him instead of inviting me. I spent the evening in my apartment very angry, as I ignored all her calls, and when she called me the next morning, I basically just told her that I was doing work from home, rather than tell the truth. Why did she end up going with him and not me, which hurt my feelings?

Does anyone have any idea what this means? I'm starting to think I'm becoming of victim of manipulation and being used by her.

Keep in mind, I haven't had a date in nearly 6 years. Sorry for the rambling.

Last edited by BriOliver; 28th December 2016 at 8:57 PM..
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Old 28th December 2016, 9:12 PM   #2
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1. When you fall hard for someone, when you fall in love, you think about that person all the time. They are constantly on the forefront of your mind, and it's hard to not talk about them all the time.

2. I don't know, my guess is that she thinks of you like a girlfriend and talks to you frankly as if you were.

3. Because she has fallen for this guy and wants to do everything with him. When you said you didn't want him coming, she chose him over you. He is her priority now.

Why do you think you are a victim here? What did she do to victimize you besides falling for her bf and making him a priority in her life?

Why haven't you dated in 6 years? And I gotta admit, I am curious, how old are you?
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Old 29th December 2016, 12:34 PM   #3
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Well, she may have been crushing on you at one time, but you insisted on just being friends, and now she's in love with another. Honestly, the best thing you could do for you and her is bring communication down to a bare minimum, like a text once every 3 months just to see if she's doing okay.

I can relate to this girl because I had it bad for a guy for three years and due to his (unknown to me) ED, he wouldn't consummate the relationship. Lots of people assumed we were together and we were very close, but it wasn't like he was totally dedicated. He'd go off and fall in love with some real hot girl he'd never be able to get and moan to me about it since we weren't having sex anyway! And I was going nuts with confusion, not understanding he had other problems (ED).

Then I met another guy and instantly fell for him and instantly was over the ED guy except as a friend. It was a relief. I was finally able to be the friend I assumed was all he wanted, so it was a win/win, I thought. But the first time he saw me making out at a gig with my new guy, he literally crossed the room to get to me by walking on the top of the tables! Once there, he didn't know what to do and kind of fizzled out, but anyway I knew he was really jealous, but it was a case of "He doesn't want me but he doesn't want anyone else to have me," with a little ED mixed in.

But honestly, I relate that story because I suffered from his rejection for so long and then when I met the new guy, it was like flipping a switch, and I was over it.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
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