To invite or not to invite?

[amkxoxo]

I've been such a recluse lately. Disappointed with some of my friends lately, but I decided I need to get out of my funk and make some positivity in my life. I want to have a girls night christmas party. My issue is that I want to invite some of my co-workers, but not others.

 

I want to have an xmas party at my apartment. I just don't want the ones I invite to tell the people I don't invite about the party at work. I'm not inviting the secretary in my office because I don't like her and don't want her at my house. But I'm afraid she will hear about it from other women at work. Like if someone says "see you this weekend Alex" and then people ask what is going on this weekend. I'm also not inviting all the interns in our office because they are young age 20, 21, and my friends and I are 24, 25 years old. One intern is a friend of mine and she's 22. I want to invite her because we talk a lot and have been friendly for years now. I don't want all the rest of the girls to find out and not like me. I don't know what to do?

[preraph]

They'll all find out, but I wouldn't care too much. I mean, I certainly never socialized with everyone in my offices I've worked at. You're allowed to be friends with some and not others. But the problem will come in when you tell them they can bring a date or friend because one of them may choose to ask the secretary if she's going and ask that she go with her so she's not alone. And most people won't attend if they're not able to bring a date or spouse or friend and some won't attend unless you allow their kids. You can't very well tell them all not to invite the ones you don't like. You could do the online invitations and ask them to RSVP with the name of who they are bringing, if they are bringing anyone, and then you'd have to confront that person and it would be too late because they already invited the secretary. I don't see how you're going to do this unless you're prepared to just suck it up if one shows up you don't like.

[darkmoon]

invite them all to a bar, you can not exclude anybody without looking bad, unless you been damaged by them

 

not liking them might embarrass the girls who do like her, and they may think you are mean at Christmas which is bad, and not come to your party in support of her

[carhill]

Is it normal to have co-worker get-togethers which are not company sponsored? I'm kinda old school and perhaps am not up on the newer more flexible work-social milieu. We maintained a clear boundary between work and personal. Sure some work friends might be personal friends but the holidays were more family and non-work personal friends and going to the company get-togethers with co-workers.

 

IMO, if you're going to do such an event, make the invites away from the workplace, expect people to talk and whatever happens, happens. One thing to expect in life is that people won't like you. Fortunately we live in a somewhat civilized world so that dislike isn't generally dangerous. No need to walk on eggshells. However, if you are making a career of your workplace, balance the benefits and costs of mixing business and pleasure a be comfortable with results, real or potential.

 

TBH, back when I was throwing parties, I didn't care what others thought about me. Parties were my gift to the people I invited. Others, well, they weren't on my mind at all. Good luck with your choice!

[amkxoxo]

Thanks for the advice. its hard because I'm trying to make more friends my age. I'm full time. The other full time co-workers , there are 6 of us, are all between the ages of 35-60. They all have kids, some grandkids. I'm not inviting them at all. I want to have a young fun party. With cocktails and girl talk. Our secretary is 24, my age, but she and I don't get along super well. She started this past summer and she's made backhanded comments at me downplaying my educational background and its turned me off from her. She acts like she's amazing and she's just very entitled acting, which turns me right off. I would never want her coming to my house.

 

The part time workers are all my age 24-26 years old. I like all 4 of them. But I like two of them better than the other two. I also think the two that are my friends at work re more apt to actually come to my house. Then we have about 7 student interns. They are all 19, 20, 21 years old. I am closest with the oldest one, whom is 22. She and I have been friendly since she started working as an intern two years ago. And I started at that job. She and I have tried to hangout outside of work but its never played out.

 

Its so hard. I would love to invite just whom I like, but I would never want anyone to feel left out. Its such a tough situation. I would love to only invite the two part time workers whom I like and the one intern, but I am so afraid it could cause issues with people finding out etc..

[anna121]

Am I correct that you want to invite ONLY these co-workers? In other words, you're not having a bigger party to which you're sending out a few invites to some colleagues?

 

If I'm right, then that could be a problem. It starts to look like an "office party" to which half the office is not invited. The fact that it is a "holiday party" will only heighten that impression.

 

I'd either invite more people than co-workers, so that it looks like a truly personal thing, or forego the party altogether and plan some other kind of event like a movie night or drinks at a bar. But don't call it a holiday party.