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Friend/coworker made a comment today that I didn't like


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 4th November 2016, 2:33 AM   #1
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Friend/coworker made a comment today that I didn't like

I felt it was uncalled for, and even felt like she was being a bit judgmental/snobby. But it is what it is. I think it just reminds me to pull back on my interaction with her. Yes, this is the same lady who I wrote about in my last topic on this sub-forum.

So we're teachers. Yesterday I wanted to catch Game 7, but my workout class is at 8 PM. That would mean I would miss the end of the game, which I didn't want. So I opted to attend the 4 PM class. School lets out at 3:30 though, which meant if I stayed all the way through, I wouldn't be able to attend the 4 PM class. Sure I could still make the 5 PM class but this is Game 7 and I wanted to catch it as much as I could.

At 2:30 my students had a special prep class. I asked the prep teacher earlier that morning if she was cool walking them out to the curb right after. She was totally cool with it.

There were no staff meetings after school.

So I felt, hey, it's Game 7, I want to make the 4 PM workout, it's OK to call it an early day. Even my grade level partner understood and was like "Yeah, go have fun! You've earned it!"

So I texted this friend/coworker about something, and mentioned I left at 2:40. She stopped replying at that point which I found odd, because she *ALWAYS* replies. The only time she doesn't reply is when I offend her somehow.

So earlier today I stopped by her room at lunch just to chit chat. I asked if she saw the game last night and she said "Yeah, but I didn't leave school early to do so." She was being serious and not sarcastic.

Then she dropped this little nugget on me:

"I actually lost a bit of respect for you."

What? For leaving early one time on the night of a Game 7. I was a bit shocked by her comment although I got that vibe off her not replying to my 2:40 text. Still was shocked to hear her say it though.

I didn't want to say something I'd regret so I just said "Yeah I got that vibe when you didn't reply" and then she said some other things and I could tell this wasn't a sarcastic joke but that she meant she really lost a bit of respect for me. I told her well I did want to make the 4 PM class and not the 8 PM gym class so that's the main reason why I left early. She didn't know that piece of info, but she still acted like I committed a sin to leave my post (so to speak) when I had another coworker happily covering for me the 15 minutes it takes to do curbside (where parents pick up students).

I'm not saying what I did is a shining example of the word "honorable" but it was Game 7, we had no meetings, my coworker happily agreed so I don't see where the beef is.

I told a mutual friend (no longer working at the school) and she told me to not read into it. That the comment was probably spurred off her being a bit jealous that she didn't/couldn't leave early like I did. I don't know.

All I know is, this latest interaction gives me a good reminder to keep my personal life a bit more private around her, as she does tend to cast judgment and stones my way. Like I said in the past, we do have a brother sister dynamic relationship. It just irks me that I "have to walk around eggshells" around her because she's easily offended. From now on I will be strictly more professional with her than buddy buddy.

Anyway, just venting/sharing. Feel free to add your two cents. The few people I've shared this with in real life already told me I did nothing to be in the wrong here and that she was probably having a bad day when she made that undesirable remark to me. It just shocked me that she turned it into one of those serious "I lost some respect for you" moments. It was disappointing, and it hurt to hear that. I honestly don't think what I did warranted her to lose respect for me, but it is what it is.
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Old 4th November 2016, 2:46 AM   #2
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Is it normal for people to leave early in your job? Do many of your colleagues do the same thing?
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Old 4th November 2016, 10:42 AM   #3
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Is it normal for people to leave early in your job? Do many of your colleagues do the same thing?
Everyone is different. We have teachers who leave right away and some that stay until 6. I typically leave at 5.
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Old 4th November 2016, 10:50 AM   #4
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She sounds like a jealous judgemental *....

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Old 4th November 2016, 11:37 AM   #5
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That's just weird.

Consider the source and disregard. My guess is, she's miserable and looks for ways to stir up drama.

I'd probably respond with something like, "Never knew you had respect for me"
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Old 4th November 2016, 1:52 PM   #6
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Maybe she wanted to leave early herself, but decided that it would be a douche move if she had - and now she's projecting that judgement onto you. I'd just shake it off.

In the context of your other thread about her, I gather that there is some tension in your relationship. She got touchy about what you said, and now she's getting a retaliatory jab back at you. Maybe just forget about both of these incidents and just try to get back on a positive footing with her.
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Old 4th November 2016, 2:04 PM   #7
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That's a really weird thing for her to say. Good call on your part to reduce contact with her.
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Old 4th November 2016, 2:13 PM   #8
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She doesn't like you, and I don't think you like her either.

She's passive aggressive and you're becoming defensive.

Maintain the minimum necessary contact about work, and distance yourself from her as much as possible.


Take care.
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Old 6th November 2016, 10:13 PM   #9
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I was talking to a trusted friend about this. As I was talking with my friend it hit me. Maybe my coworker misinterpreted that I had someone cover my last 40 minutes for me in the classroom. In reality they were at a specials class, with another instructor. I decided to email my coworker and let her know that:

1. Her comment hurt my feelings (I stated she has a right to her opinion)
2. I wanted her to know the facts (the specials teacher had my students for their normal specials time slot)

She replied and stated

"I am sorry that your feelings got hurt, but I'm not sorry for what I said. I know what you meant. I know your students were in their normal specials time slot. I know the specials teacher covered your car line. We take care of each other, I get it. But where I lost respect for you is that you went to the gym. Is going to the gym so important that you had to leave your job? I get that it's called our "prep time" but aren't there times in which we get called because some type of emergency with one of our students? Now I know that we all have different convictions and maybe in your book going to the gym is on the same level as going to a doctor's appointment. But for me, my conviction is that going to the gym is recreational. It's on the same level as getting my hair or nails done. Would I love to leave school and do that, yes of course but those things can wait until after school. But like I said each to their own. What's done is done. You're an adult and can make your own decisions. Don't let what I say or think matter any more than you want it to. I just felt that as your sister in Christ I had to say something to you about your decision."

My thoughts to her email reply?

1. She's being quite judgmental. Like, I get her points and all, but what's up with the holier than thou attitude?

2. It's interesting that her email says "I lost respect for you because you left to the gym." When we talked this past Thursday I asked if she watched Game 7 and she said "Yeah, but I didn't have to leave work early to do so." It was a direct shot at me, and then she said she lost respect for me. It was after that that I told her I left to make a 4 PM gym class. So she lost respect for me prior to me telling her about the gym, but her email makes it about the gym. Can't help but feel it's a bit of backtracking on her part to point something out other than "I just didn't like that you left early when you were still on the clock."

3. This changes my "friendship" with her for sure. I'll still be professional, but I think gone are the days of heading to her room after school to chat 1 on 1, as well as friendly platonic text messages initiated on my part. From now on it's strictly school business. I feel like her actions here shows her true colors, and she's not really a friend. She is someone I asked out 2 years ago, she gave me the just friends speech, and ever since then it's been a friendship where I initiate 90% of the interaction. I don't think she's healthy for me because she's quick to act petty toward me when I don't act petty to her. She creates a lot of drama off the smallest things and it's worn me out to the point that I don't think this friendship is working out anymore.

I still can't believe she was THAT offended to say she lost respect for me. Oh well. if anything, this speaks more about her than it does about me.
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Old 6th November 2016, 10:16 PM   #10
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Refer to my previous.
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Old 6th November 2016, 10:22 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Teknoe View Post
I feel like her actions here shows her true colors, and she's not really a friend. She is someone I asked out 2 years ago, she gave me the just friends speech, and ever since then it's been a friendship where I initiate 90% of the interaction..
When women say "just friends", it's usually a gentle let down and not a genuine desire for friendship. Unless you were genuinely friends beforehand, of course.

If you were initiating 90% of the interaction, that was another sign that she isn't very interested in the friendship. Maybe she's just getting blunter so that you'll get the hint.
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Old 6th November 2016, 10:26 PM   #12
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No reply is needed for her email to you and if you do reply then this is going to snowball passed the drama that it already is to the unbelievable drama that it will be..

I can't believe this is even being discussed between two adults, the only person you have to worry about is your boss, what your coworker thinks of your performance is inconsequential..

Just let this go... it will blow over and who cares if she really has lost respect for you, that seems to be her issue not yours.
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Old 6th November 2016, 10:41 PM   #13
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No reply is needed for her email to you and if you do reply then this is going to snowball passed the drama that it already is to the unbelievable drama that it will be..

I can't believe this is even being discussed between two adults, the only person you have to worry about is your boss, what your coworker thinks of your performance is inconsequential..

Just let this go... it will blow over and who cares if she really has lost respect for you, that seems to be her issue not yours.
Yeah I didn't reply and am moving on. Will be professional but no more buddy buddy.
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Old 7th November 2016, 12:23 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by xxoo View Post
When women say "just friends", it's usually a gentle let down and not a genuine desire for friendship. Unless you were genuinely friends beforehand, of course.

If you were initiating 90% of the interaction, that was another sign that she isn't very interested in the friendship. Maybe she's just getting blunter so that you'll get the hint.
I get what you're saying but I truly believe this not to be the case.

She and I were pretty solid friends before I asked her out. I also know that a mutual colleague told me she told her that she really likes me as a friend, and isn't sure she wants to risk losing the friendship.

I think this is a good thing though. It draws the line in the sand for me and reminds me to protect myself and enforce healthy boundaries.
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Old 9th November 2016, 2:34 AM   #15
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I'm glad I speak to a trusted friend about my experiences with this coworker, who let's call her Tiffany. So because I speak to my friend about Tiffany, I have it on record. I just searched Tiffany and wow. Just wow. How did I put up with her disrespect? The rest of 2016 is dedicated to respecting myself and not putting up with other people's BS.

Incident 1: I shared with her a personal story about another colleague. Tiff accidentally slipped and told this other colleague about my conversation with Tiff, and it offended this other coworker. Tiff did apologize but she did it in a very "by the way" sort of way. And she acted like it wasn't THAT big a deal. Oh man, reading that back makes me laugh. If the shoes were flipped, she would have flipped out at me. How convenient when she makes the mistake she minimizes it.

Incident 2: She was complaining at lunch one day about a problem with a student. Her grade level partner gave her a suggestion. And I said "Good job Beth. Way to solve problems" (note: we learned sign language earlier that week about "solve problems" which is a school wide mantra). So Tiff flips out and says "Thanks for making me feel like I don't know what I'm doing." I was like "What?" And she replied "Stop. I seriously want to slap you right now." No joke. Serious as can be. WOW. How did I put up with that? That's just crazy. She's got some issues!

There's more but I'm tired of writing it. I just know I'm happy this happened so I can stop for good pretending like our friendship was something semi-special.

Good riddance!

Last edited by Teknoe; 9th November 2016 at 2:37 AM..
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