Unstable former friend and a clueless other

[mortensorchid]

I had a female friend years ago who I owe a lot to but I don't talk to anymore. She is/was a very unstable person, was suffering from bipolar disorder. You never knew what you were going to get with her. Your first impression is/was that she is like sunshine - happy, cheerful, easy going. On the surface there was no reason why you wouldn't like her. Then after she had won you over and introduced you to a circle of friends (which was her greatest talent - to network people together), you started to see the other side of her. And you just don't realize what a crazy, unstable person she really is. She would go from the happy to angry, abusive, foul mouthed. She often times blamed drugs/alcohol, but I realized half the time she was not in fact drunk/high, she hated herself and wanted to lash out at others. And there was a third side of her as well, the Holier Than Thou one once she started going to AA. She would put down others for drinking to have a good time, then she would go right back to her old ways of getting fall down, stupid drunk and obnoxious.

 

I have another friend who was/is rather nieve with people, especially with her. He would defend her bad behavior and say to others not to be so cruel with her, she has a problem, she's in a lot of pain, etc. And then one day she lashed out at him in such a way and he was shocked that she would do that to him. I said she does this all the time to others, that's why no one talks to her anymore. Ten years ago she moved to Florida to move in with her mom because she lost everything in the economic crash. She moved back last summer - she had a job, was staying with a friend, had a baby (with her jailbird bf who is almost twenty years younger than her) - was here for three weeks. Apparently no one wanted to see her, she burned all her bridges with people. And then she moved back to Florida, but not after telling off my clueless friend who apparently she reached out to because he was the one and only person who defended her and he either rejected or ignored her.

 

I kept asking him over and over what is it going to take with her? There is only so much abuse one can take from another before you say ENOUGH and walk away from a toxic friendship. I was lucky, at long last she got sick of him, unfriended him, and went back to Florida and no one has heard from her since. I told him she was unstable, but he didn't listen and now he's hurt that she did that. I told him he's better off without her, but he seems depressed. He sees himself as being this older brother kind of mentor to people, but he hitches his wagon to lost causes. Just wanted to vent.

[Downtown]

She is/was a very unstable person, was suffering from bipolar disorder.

Perhaps so, Mortens. The behaviors you describe, however, sound more like those of BPD, not BP. If you're interested, I provide a list of 12 BPD/Bipolar Differences. This description of behavioral differences is based on my experiences with a BPDer (my exW) and a bipolar-1 sufferer (my foster son).

[preraph]

I bet he was physically attracted to her and just putting up with a lot because of hoping to get romantic with her.

 

By the way, one of my old roommates, this sounds just like her. On top of being bipolar, she is narcissistic. Most women don't like her on first meeting because she comes on so strong, but men love her because she's blond with big boobs and when she's up, very vivacious. What you said about networking, that's how she survives. She burns through friends on the regular but is so good at meeting and flattering people that she never quite sinks. You can't trust her to have any loyalty, though. She's very secretive. After 35 years, she confessed to me she was after my ex. Grrrrrr. She kept that real quiet and I'm sure it was their little secret and she didn't care that that made a fool out of me, one of her two oldest friends.

[mortensorchid]

@Downtown - Thanks for the insights, I read what you posted and that does sound more like her.

@Prepath - I thought perhaps that was the case, although he claims not. She was, unfortunately for her, morbidly obese. She was never at a loss for bfs because, according to him, she dealt out smiles and had a certain cuteness about her (in the face). She actually attracted them by acting sleazy and overtly sexual towards them, kind of like being a stripper towards them and appealing to that want to be with a Barbie doll rather than an actual woman. I would be at public places with her and witness her drunken behavior (which was always blatant, flamboyant, obnoxious, etc.). If that's what you're going to do, I can understand that, but to be abusive towards others is when I and others drew the line with her. Eventually I did not take her seriously and realized she was unstable and hurt others (me included) and walked away.