Best friend is annoying but I don't want to lose friendship!

[amkxoxo]

One of my friend is driving me absolutely insane. We have been close for about three years now and I value our friendship so much. We used to have so much fun but now she annoys me more than I enjoy having her around. I feel like she has changed so much over the years and I haven’t. I feel a lot more mature than her, having more negative life experiences than she. I feel like this experience has made me a lot smarter and less naive about people and the world.

 

She is a good person and I don’t want to down her, but she makes me want to scream. I feel like she almost competes with me and I am not that kind of person. I danced my whole life. I was classically trained, I did it in college, and have a real passion for the art. I know about the business and have been a dance teacher to young kids here and there as a now 24 year old adult. When I met Olivia, she expressed she danced to. The way she spoke was like she was this amazing, passionate, classical dancer like I was. Then she came out with that she only danced from the time she was maybe 6 to 11 or 12. She hadn’t danced or taken a class in over 10 years.

 

I started growing frustrated that she was trying to create this dance comradery between us. Like we were on level playing field. I didn’t know if it was jealousy. People we met would be impressed with my experience and passion. One time we met this ballerina at a party. I started talking dance with her. I still practiced all the time. Olivia came over and was like “Oh we’re both dancers”, meaning she and I, to this ballerina girl. I remember thinking how weird it was. She was grouping us together to this girl. I would not say I was a soccer player. I stopped playing soccer when I was 13. I was not a soccer player.

 

The same went when we talked boys. I dated in college a decent amount. I had ups and downs with boys. Olivia and I would talk and she would tell me stories on her end. Then I would find out these guys were from elementary and middle school. She wasn’t in relationships with them. She was a little kid. It’s like she was trying to be up on my level. I was just being myself. I wished she was herself too.

 

We often frequented bars and social outings with friends and it was no big deal. I was chatty and just interested in meeting new people and friends. Olivia was a little more shy. I would meet people. Guys sometimes would ask me out. I wasn’t really interested as I was going through a rough time with someone else in my life romantically, but it was flattering to be asked out. One time this guy asked me out and I turned him down, and then later in the night he asked Olivia out. I knew it was a slap to her. I felt so bad. He had asked to take me out to dinner and it sounded like a nice date. When he asked Olivia he didn’t ask her that. He more said he wanted to hook up. I felt so bad. It was like she was second best. I didn’t want it to be that way. I knew she felt it too.

 

One night when we went out, Olivia started talking to this drunk guy who was a friend of a friend. They hit it off. I talked to him briefly. He was nice and all. Later that night he sent me a facebook friend request. Then he messaged me saying he had a fun time and he thinks the group we have going on is fun and we should all go to the movies some time as a group. I agreed and said it would be totally fun to do that. Olivia ran to me the next day saying how he messaged her saying he had a great time and he asked her to the movies as a date. I told her he asked me to the movies too and he said he wanted to go in the group of friends. Olivia insisted he asked her out on a date, but I found it hard to believe because the message he sent me sounded exactly like what he sent her.

 

She went around to everyone she knew telling them he asked her to the movies etc…in front of one of our friends, I finally piped in and told her my side which was that he asked if a group of us wanted to go to the movies. Olivia got mad. I think because my story dis-credited hers. I had never seen her this way. She was like “Well truly he asked me out on a date though and I think he just asked you to be nice and knew that we were friends but he truly doesn’t want you to go.”

 

I was shocked. I would never ever say that to anyone. It was so rude. I think she was afraid and threatened that I would get the guy. I wasn’t interested in the guy to begin with. I didn’t want him. If I liked him I would have talked to him a lot myself, and I didn’t.

 

I think she kept talking to him on facebook. Weeks later they went on a date and it wasn’t to the movies. Three weeks after their first date they were quickly in a relationship. It was Olivia’s first one.

 

I started noticing Olivia was always with him. He would get out of work and be over her house every night, every day. They rarely went out and they ditched me and the guy I was seeing for plans more than once. She was all about him. He would come over her parents house Saturday mornings and stay all day and into the night and do the same on Sunday. They would rarely leave. The guy I was seeing and I would go out on dates and do things. I found this odd.

 

Olivia decided to become a vegan. Eating no meat, dairy, or anything from an animal. I found it odd, but whatever she wanted to do was good with her then who am I to care. But slowly but surely she started talking about vegan food all the time, educating me on how to substitute what I ate for something vegan. I didn’t want to be vegan and I expressed this to her. She would bring weird vegan snacks to my house and insist I try them when I didn’t want to. I could eat food I wanted to and didn’t have restrictions. It started becoming annoying. I would meet up with Olivia and some friends and talk about this awesome chicken I made or cookie recipe I wanted to try and Olivia has to pipe in and talk about how she makes all those regular items vegan and she doesn’t eat this and that. She would have to tell us all different ingredients she would use in all sorts of things. It started becoming not enjoyable to be around her.

 

She started making her boyfriend vegan food and she claimed he loved it. This made me laugh. I dated a few men in my college days and they might eat one or two vegan meals but she was making him eat it every week at least. No guy wants that. Not all, but most guys I know love grabbing a burger and fries.

 

Olivia, was a virgin. She rushed and slept with him after one month. She got on birth control responsibly, but them expressed to me she went off of it because she didn’t like it. I assured her there are a million options when it came to birth control and how important it is. She lied to me and said how her doctor said it probably wasn’t a good idea for her since she has headaches already. I know that’s a lie. My cousin has bad severe headaches. She has been on birth control for years. My mother, nurse, assured me no doctor would advise not being on anything and having sex. I worried for her.

 

She started talking like a nut saying she wouldn’t have sex with him when she was ovulating and she would check her temperature multiple times a day. This was insane. I finally broke down and told the guy I was dating about my annoyance with Olivia. My guy was a normal average guy 24 years old. He expressed to me that if I wasn’t on birth control and was giving him all this mumbo jumbo about temperature etc…he would never sleep with me. I even wondered if Olivia didn’t care if she got pregnant. She didn’t even work full time and still lived with her parents. She almost reminded me that she would be okay not working and raising a baby at home.

 

If that’s what made her happy I am all for it. But most guys our age don’t want to knock up a girl they have known for a few months.

 

After 5-6 months her boyfriend made excuses and broke up with her. She then acted like she didn’t really like his lifestyle and he was not perfect like she was claiming all while with him. She claimed they didn’t have sex the last few months of their relationship. My thought: yeah because he didn’t want to get you pregnant.

 

I met with her the night they broke up and I was appalled by her behavior. She was absolutely fine. She was laughing and acting like nothing happened. She was calling and texting everyone she knew gushing about their breakup but all the while smiling about it. I was shocked. I broke up with the guy I was seeing and it was devastating. I cried. I was upset for a long time. Still slightly am. I didn’t tell a lot of people because it was sad. We broke up many months ago and some of my co-workers still thought I was with him. I didn’t tell everyone because it wasn’t something I wanted attention for. Olivia did. She used it for her 5 minutes of fame. Her behavior that night sickened me. She was all about the attention. Its like she was basking in it.

 

I supported her through the breakup. I felt bad. I know it hurt her. After the breakup she started going even more crazy with her eating habits. I don’t find it enjoyable to be around her. I can’t even mention food without her preaching and pushing it on me. I made she and I dinner one night. I was trying to be supportive and a good friend. I made a vegan meal. She then complained that I put olive oil on something I made and she doesn’t use any oils in her cooking and then I had to hear her eating. Olive Oil is vegan and makes food delicious.

 

 

A friend of mine asked me to sign up for this run for cancer. I am not a huge athlete but people could walk or run and I thought it would be fun. I signed up then I reached out to ask some other friends to sign up to do it with me, Olivia being one of them.

 

Oddly, Olivia declined then a week later comes out with that she signed up for this big charity bike ride and she has to train for it etc…

 

I found this odd. I asked her to do a run with me and she turns around and does a charity bike ride by herself instead. Now it’s all she can talk and brag to people about. She spent hundreds on gear, a new bike, accessories. One day she was telling a friend and I all about it and all her preparations. I then said how I wanted to start running regularly so I was not tired out for my race which was soon. She pipes in and says how my race isn’t very long so it’s not a big deal. She totally downplayed my thing. I signed up for it first and I don’t run. I’m not a runner so it is a big deal to me.

 

I literally have been avoiding hanging out with her because I don’t have fun around her anymore. I can’t talk about food, boys, or exercise, because she has to pipe in and tell me all about her lifestyle and ram it down your throat. She needs to grow up and be comfortable with the person she is. It annoys me that she isn’t.

 

Another reason I have been avoiding her is because about a year ago I was having a party at my house. I invited who I wanted there. She went ahead and took it upon herself to invite her friend, whom I don’t really like. She didn’t even ask me. She didn’t see anything wrong with it, but I did. I don’t just invite someone to someone else’s house. It isn’t my house. I tried to nicely tell her that she couldn’t do that.

 

The other night I had her over for a show we both like to watch. She did it again. She tells me she invited her friend to come too, but her friend cancelled on her. Her friend was not invited by me. I like this other friend, but still she never asked me. She was literally going to just show up with this girl. The other night I didn’t feel very well either so it wasn’t a good night for me to have company. I was so angry. It’s very rude. You just don’t do that!

 

I don’t know what to do anymore. I spoke with my counselor about it and she thinks I can stay her friend, but I may need to branch out to meet new people. I have been trying to do this, but it’s hard to meet new people. I don’t want to lose her friendship. She’s a good person and she means well, but some times when I am around her I want to explode on her.

Edited June 15, 2016 by amkxoxo

[greenly24]

I have a family friend similar to your friend. Technically she's my mom's friend, but she's known me all my life, so I count her as my friend, as well. Anyway, she also is know-it-all, even on topics she knows very little about. I think it's kind of the same with you and your friend: I enjoy hanging out with my friend, but she can be super annoying. I try to be friendly and obliging, but neither my mom or I go out of our way to invite her to do things. This kind of goes to what your counselor told you. You can still be her friend, but just not be best friends. You seem like a pretty fun girl, so I imagine you can make new friends, even if it might take a little effort.

[amkxoxo]

Its been hard. I am very type-A so I think this contributes to me being so annoyed with her. Everyone around me just accepts her and my family thinks I am overthinking way too much about her actions and why they frustrate me. But it just continues to frustrate me. I am a deep thinker. I think through situation form top to bottom and from left to right. The type-A again. Most others do not think as deeply and as thoroughly as I do. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I try to avoid as many as I can by thinking things over. I think it makes me almost psychic in a way. I've had friends tell me situation they are in with boys or with family. I will literally tell them what will happen. I think about it and cess out the situation and I know what the next move is. I think people can sometimes find me a know it all or frustrating because I will tell them how it might go down. 9 times out of ten I have had friends come to me and they tell me it happened like I said. It's not rocket science its human nature and common sense.

 

I find my friend extremely naive and I think I thought she would grow up a bit, but she hasn't. I see her doing and making the same mistakes of the past. I think so much about her because I do care. Its how I am. Like today I think I got a little testy with her because she was being so unbelievably overdramatic about quitting her on the side part time job. She literally has been talking to me and another friend about quitting for months. She acts like they will die without her. She works at a clothing store.

 

I got so frustrated with her over dramatic rant about quitting today that I finally gave her a dose of reality. I worked in retail for 5 years. They will hire some young high school kid in a month and train them and forget about you. Its how retail is. No one worries about leaving a store as much as her. And she has only been there for 3 months. Its ridiculous. Give resignation and thats it. She has better jobs lined up. I think she found my dose of reality a little insulting. But she needs to man up.

 

And thats coming from me, who considers myself a sensitive person. I don't want to hurt her. I care about her as a friend. She has been there for me during very bad times and I her. Our other friend says nothing. She just accepts it and gives her positive compliments. Generic words. Its just not me to do that. I know Olivia well and I feel like if I do the fake everything great thing I am not being myself.