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I'm so lost...without my best friend!


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I'm lost and I don't know what to do. My best friend of over four years has started to drift away from our friendship. I know most people advise that this is just a part of friendship and get over it, but I refuse to do so. My situation started the last day of January. My best friend got a call from her old ex. He wanted to meet her just for something to do. Ever since then, it gets worse and worse. In the past two weeks she is calling me less and less. When she comes over she says it because she felt she had to. She only calls maybe 2 or 3 times a week. This girl used to be my roommate we have talked everyday the past four years until this guy came back into her life. I really think she thinks I will be here whenever she calls just sitting back on my laurels. She makes excuses as to why she can't call, has to go home early, why we can't do something, etc. etc. I feel she does these things because she would rather be with him. Of course she says she can't do things with the both of us because I don't want anything to do with her new friend...but she's never asked. Anyway, I'm real close to saying see ya. Even though I really don't want to. What do you think?

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greeneyedgirl23

HI!

 

My best friend of 8 years and I are kind of going through the same thing. She has a serious boyfriend, and when this happens, she leaves everyone out of her life except for him. I get along with him and think that he is a great guy, but sometimes i get irritated because i put in all the effort to stay close to her and she doesn't seem to care.

I will always be a friend to her, but sometimes people do drift apart. I think it is just a part of growing up, meeting the right person and eventually settling down with them as your partner. This is what is happening with us, and it is perfectly normal. Im just going to have to get use to the idea that he is always going to be around, as much as i will.

I have other close friends that i spend time with, and when she comes around, i am always happy to include her. Im sure i would do the same thing, not to hurt her, but this happens when you are in a serious relationship; they become your top priority.

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Butterfly28

It's nice to see that there are others out there who are experiencing the same thing I am. I am in the same boat as you.

 

You say you don't want to hear, "These things happen, people do drift", but the fact of the matter is, they do. I didn't want to come to terms with that fact either. After asking for all sorts of advice on the matter, many people provided great insight on WHY it's ok for friends to drift. It depends on the circumstance.

 

What you need to identify is "did things end up this way on a bad note?" or "was there something I did that caused her to do this?" if you can honestly look into yourself and honestly answer, "NO" to both questions, then this is just a case of friends drifting for the purpose of branching out in life. It happens. It's inevitable.

 

Nothing ever really stays the same. We all grow up in our lives, we all take our own adventures, and sometimes we do it on our own. Just because you two aren't as close as you used to be doesn't mean that you don't have that BOND. If your friendship was strong to begin with, and nothing lead up to the weak part, then you have to keep your part of the friendship the way it is. Always leave the door open. If you truly care for her and you don't want anything BAD to happen per se, you should keep the lines of communication open for when SHE DOES need you. Sometimes people need to develop other parts of their life and at times they become pre-occupied with it. It doesn't always include "best friends". We all need to form our careers, form our personal, intimate relationships, and we all need to put some form of concentration into them at one time or another. Sometimes, certain relationships may not take precedence as they used to. It doesn't mean the friendship has gone sour, it may mean that there are a number of new things going on in her life, that she is opening her heart to. True friends with a strong and lasting bond, usually always remain somewhere in that circle, but sometimes they just get pushed farther down because other priorities arise. Such is life.

 

When it comes to your friend developing a relationship with her boyfriend, this is perfectly normal. She has every right to. Everyone has needs, and her needs are being met by this person. It doesn't mean that you aren't meeting her needs anymore. She needs something different. She wants to concentrate on building something with this person again if she feels that it is worth it to her. You have to let her go through the motions, while at the same time, always leaving the door open for her. When you say, "I really think she thinks I will be here whenever she calls just sitting back on my laurels"...well you SHOULD be there. You are her friend. She wants you to be there. If she didn't want you to, I'm sure she would make it known.

 

My best friend is the exact same way. She took up the hobby of motorcycles. I am not into motorcycles. She met a new guy who is the love of her life. I am extremely happy for her. Who am I to say she can't do these things? Or always has to include me? Or still has to make me FIRST in everything? Everyone deserves to build a life for themselves and it doesn't revolve around just one person. It revolves around many.

 

Your job is to always let her know that you will be there. I'm sure that you will become more pre-occupied in parts of your life, and as much as you would like to make time for the important people in your life that have ALWAYS been there, you will also have to develop the newer parts of your life to keep it going.

 

I would still feel lucky that your friend still does keep intouch with you. This may be a new page in your friendship thats opening up. Although it doesn't seem to be the same, you are still friends. My friend thinks an email is ok rather than a phone call. The point is, she is still putting in the effort to let you know she is THERE. You need to accept it. This will happen over time.

 

She does these things because she would rather be with him? Yes, she does. Does she still think of you and care for you? Yes, of course. I don't think that part of it will change. The physical demand for her company will change, however you will change too. You will adapt to it. It's not a bad thing. You will continue to meet new people, make new friends, seek out new ventures to form your life.

 

Always let her know you will be there. She may not need you right now, but when she does, be that true friend you always were. Don't ever change.

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:( I've been in your shoes before...My "ex" bf and I use to be together everyday...she was like a sister I never had...Her bf at the time which she cheated on and brought friction to our friendship for many reason, introduced me to my "ex" bf (thank God we broke Up)...We started to go out and it was pretty serious...at a certain age a relationship because priority not that your friendship isn't but you are getting ready for the future...now my problem was that my ex bf didn't like her because he felt that she was not a good example of a gf because she cheated on her bf....and he thought I would do the same...

 

He basically thought she was a bad influence on me...I was friends with her for over 5 years and in a matter of months I no longer talked to her...and when I look back you know what I realized....not that I lost a friend I look at it as if she lost a great friend...you do what you want but I was lonely for a long time and I started going out and I've met another friend you beats her friendship by a mile...

 

You grow apart its part of the game...but what matters is that you tried to make your friendship work and obviously you don't mean enough to her to save it...I've even moved in with my new bf and she's wonderful I've even told her things I never told my other ex bf...so don't worry you might not need her anyway

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Originally posted by divatab

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When she comes over she says it because she felt she had to.

 

wow...do you really even want this kind of person to be in your life anyway?

 

i mean yeah, drifting and all that is normal...but that's a really hurtful thing to say to someone who is supposed to be your friend, even if you are going your separate ways.

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