My friend is scaring our friends away from her

[amkxoxo]

My friend is driving me crazy. At first she decided to go vegetarian. It doesn’t bother me any, since I eat meat. People can do what they want. A lot of restaurants have veggie options now, so it’s easy enough to follow. She uses this aspect of her personality for attention. I know other people who are vegetarian and they don’t preach it to the whole world. They do it for themselves. My friend, however, needs to tell everyone about her lifestyle choice, why she is doing it, and how healthy she is compared to other people. I still support her. But it got to be harder for me to support her when we go to parties, she drinks alcohol, and eats chicken fingers late at night while she is drunk.Then she feels the need to tell everyone at the party how she is a vegetarian and shouldn’t be eating chicken, while she eats it. But then the next day she pretends like she is a vegetarian and so healthy. Drinking alcohol isn’t healthy. I don’t eat anything from a pig. It was medically advised that my family doesn’t eat pork because of a genetic issue. I don’t preach it to anyone that I don’t eat pork. I mention it if it’s necessary, otherwise I just avoid it.

 

Sometimes when she and I text about food she has to send me paragraphs about her lifestyle. I don’t care. No one cares what kind of food you choose to eat. People don't care that I don't eat pork. Even my boyfriend at the time, mentioned something about her preaching it to everyone but then going and eating chicken, because he thought she was very fake and attention seeking. My boyfriend never makes comments about people like that.

 

More recently she has decided to go all vegan, so no animal products at all. No meat, cheese, milk, eggs etc.… And now she preaches it like its saved her life. She has no life threatening medical issues where she was sick or feeling bad But she claims if she eats regular food, a cookie, or a pastry etc... that she feels incredibly ill afterwards. Like its poison. It’s insulting sometimes. Like my friends and I eat regular food and we are fine. I stay in shape. She keeps claiming that the vegan life has helped her lose weight and feel better, but I notice no change in her size at all. Sometimes we will go out and she will eat cake something bad. So much for keeping in shape. She loves vegan ice cream. Just because its vegan, doesn’t mean it has no sugar. For breakfast she drinks these vegan juices that have tons of calories. No healthy at all.

 

I have supported her all throughout her eating, but now it’s annoying me. I mention how I want to maybe take a cooking class or try a new recipe, as I am young and learning to cook. She bombards me with all these vegan recipes, because she thinks I want to try them. I don’t. I eat meat, dairy, and eggs.

 

More recently me and a friend went out with her. It’s a pain in the butt to pick restaurants because of her eating standards. We finally decided on this upscale pizza place. Well since she is vegan, she doesn’t eat meat or cheese, the basics of pizza. The other girl and myself eat everything. We wanted a sausage pizza. We ditched the meat and finally settled on a plain cheese pizza. It’s the most basic one. We could have all shared one pizza. I'm not made of money. My vegan friend made us order a whole separate cheese-less pizza just for her, but made it seem like “wait until you guys try this, you will love it. We have to order it.” Like we wanted to try the vegan way. I eat cheese. I didn’t. I wanted cheese and toppings, not just sauce. Then I had to pitch in to pay for such pizza. It was not fair. I support her, but I shouldn’t have to dish out extra money for something unnecessary for her. She should have paid for it herself. But if I said anything I look unsupportive and like a jerk.

 

The last straw was a week ago. I was having a party at my house. I was making all homemade food. I’m part Italian so making food is just our way. I invited a bunch of friends to my house. I was planning on making homemade pizza, chicken cutlet parmesan, and some appetizers.

 

Before the party, my vegan friend is asking me if she can make a vegan dish. But she will need to cook everything associated with the dish in my kitchen, because its better fresh. I finally put my foot down. I said no, because I needed all the cooking space for the food I was making for everyone. She understood. None of my friends are vegan, some just vegetarian, so the pizza was fine for them. Then she tells me how she is bringing all this vegan food for everyone to try. She thinks everyone is so curious about her lifestyle and they all want to try it. They don’t. The chicken and pizza I made went like wild fire. That’s what people like to eat. I had plenty of food for everyone prepared. But my vegan friend has to come in with big things of these special vegetables and vegan sauces she made. I could tell no one wanted the stuff but her. I felt bad for my guests. She kind of talked some of them into trying it. Putting them on the spot when they went up to grab some food. She was like “Oh you have to try this vegan ranch dip I made…” and they felt obligated. Then she brings extra food for just herself and she is in my kitchen making a mess, making herself a totally separate meal. She made so much food and she was the only one, aside from the few people who tried it, to eat it. She truly thought people wanted tons of her vegan food. No one did. Then if you even said “Oh what is that?” She couldn’t just tell you what it was straight away, she then thinks people are interested in it, so she gives them a long run down of exactly step by step how she made it.

 

It’s getting frustrating. She had a boyfriend for a while, and he recently dumped her. I don’t blame him. She would make a nice dinner for him every week after he got out of work. She meant well, but he eats meat, dairy, eggs, etc. She would only make him vegan food. No 25 year old guy wants to eat that. I give him credit because week after week he would go to her house and eat it. He would tell her it was delicious, but if you eat meat and eggs, that’s what I would want as a part of my dinner, so he was clearly flattering her. He would want to go out for pasta and sauce or pizza and she always complained that that’s what he wanted to eat. Again, he’s a 25 year old guy. She has gotten so earthy crunchy, she even went off of birth control because she didn’t want to take it. She took it for a week or two and claimed she got headaches from it. Now headaches are a normal side effect, but there are hundreds of different pills to try. My aunt, a doctor, said they often switch girls prescriptions all the time because of headaches. If you talked to my friend, you would have thought she was ready to have a stroke from the two weeks of it. I think she is so organic, she doesn’t even want to take a pill like that. And I am not a pill pusher at all, but she doesn’t even have a job. Her parents are supporting her. She is 24. She tries to be like me and our other girl friend. We both have full time jobs, we both live on our own, pay our own bills, and are independent. She claims she pays her parents rent. But then when I ask her more, she says she occasionally buys some groceries for herself and shares with her parents. That isn't rent. She doesn't pay for her car. She claims that her two to three part time jobs adds up to a full time job. The hours might, but she is making no money and has no benefits. That't not an adult job One of her part time jobs, she works with all high school kids. She loves it. She doesn't want to leave any time soon. People have come and gone all through high school and college and she is the only person still there. This lifestyle doesn’t scream baby ready to me. One of her other part time jobs finally let her go because they wanted to give the opportunity to a kid in college who needed the money and she was just happy being in a college student level job. They had to kick her out because she didn't leave.

 

She preaches taking her temperature every day to track her ovulation. She thinks its 100% effective. She is crazy. Again, no wonder her boyfriend dumped her. What guy wants to be with a girl, who is risking getting pregnant after a few months of being together?

 

My boyfriend said he would never sleep with anyone not on birth control. My aunt she said she was crazy using that old time method of temperature fluctuation. She said that method is 25-50% faulty and they never suggest it. She said there are so many methods of birth control now that are generally safe and have no side effects. She is risking getting pregnant by a guy who is not even moved out of his parent’s house. She isn’t moved out of her parents either. Now that she isn’t with her boyfriend any longer, she isn’t checking her temperature any more. So how effective is that? You meet someone new and you start checking your temp again? Starting whenever you like? Doesn’t seem smart at all. I’m worried that my friend is pushing people away with her strong preaching of her eating habits, and her lack of intelligence when it comes to medicine. My boyfriend and his friends don't really like her any longer. They find her annoying and self centered when it comes to her lifestyle.

Edited February 16, 2016 by amkxoxo

[preraph]

I don't know why so many "special diet" people constantly try to recruit and/or seek validation and approval, but it seems like they do. If you get tired of hearing about it, just tell her, You know, I'm happy you're happy," then change the subject. If she mails you crap, don't even acknowledge it. If she nails you on it, tell her openly, Oh, sorry, I'm just not that interested in all that.

[RRM321]

I can see how annoying that might be.

 

I can also see that while see never speaks to it, she quietly understands all of the disparaging criticisms you've just stated about her including: living at home, not having job, an equally un-established boyfriend who's now left, etc.

 

Society teaches us to rank and measure human value by the trappings of success, and while we may know spiritually that's not what life is about - we never really escape it's impact socially.

 

It's got to be tough on her to be around so many young people who are moving ahead and sharing success stories in ways that make her feel left behind. These lifestyle choices might be the one thing that gives her a feeling of empowerment.

 

I know you're not consciously doing anything to disparage her. This is her own self-esteem. I'm simply suggesting you be compassionate and patient with her. She'll get there someday.

[emptynest2016]

Well, there are some 25 year old men that do 'want to eat that' and such so, I Just wanted to clear the air there. LOL

Anyway, I myself am a vegan. I do it for the animals and my health.

My body just doesn't react well to meat, eggs and dairy but also to sugar and stuff like that.

I don't talk about it to everyone I meet. I even brought a dish to work and it was a vegan red beans and rice. I didn't tell anyone it was vegan. Why should I? Everyone DID love it and by the end of the work day I had 6 requests for the recipe. If I go somewhere to eat with my spouse and friends, I look at the menu or ask the waitress. I've never asked a whole group to go somewhere just because of the ethics of my eating. At the same time, they are very considerate of me. I think of it by living by example. I don't need to shove it in anyone's face. If I am asked, I will answer.

Some people, as I think is the case with your friend, like to say they are vegan for the attention and to make them feel special in some way.

I can pretty much guarantee she swings by the ol' Micky D's when no one is around.

I think you may have to have a sit down with her and have it out.

If she is vegan then be vegan. If not, that's ok too and be that way as well.

Crap or get off the pot. If she continues, well, cut her out of your circle.

Being vegan gets enough attention as it is and we don't need this kind! LOL

We don't need the meat eating vegan. LOL

Hope things get better!

[todreaminblue]

i also think like you said she is wanting attention for some reason....seems you talk a lot about her to your boyfriend even your aunt.....and now on here with a rather large post.....which makes me think you actually really care about her.....even though she annoys you.......just be her friend....

 

 

most of us have flaws...well all of us actually...some are glaringly obvious and annoying to others....some flaws are not....instead of concentrating on what annoys you about her...think of why you are her friend in the first place...why you care.....be careful not to gossip about her......gossip has a way of getting back to the person being gossiped about....be patient and understanding...for after all...you call her ...your friend....i wish you well and peace of mind......deb

[basil67]

I am guilty of talking about the same topic for too long. My husband deals with it by pointing out how much I've been talking about X subject lately and I need to stop. I am currently not talking about how well a certain thing in the garden is growing.

 

You could try something like "You know I love you and I support your choices. But you talk about your diet A LOT and I need a break from it"

[Satu]

Vegans are the most dangerous people in the world.

 

72% of the American prison population are vegan.

 

The remaining 28% have been found guilty of other felonies such as murder, kidnapping, or macrobiotics.

[amkxoxo]

Thats one of my issues with her I find. I would respect her a lot more if she didn't preach her veganism. I don't have an issue with her eating that way. I can't take her seriously when she tells me she went out for mac and cheese with shrimp. But just this once, until next month. I know others are vegan. But most of out friend group, and her now ex-boyfriend is not. As someone who has experience with men, I would not keep making my boyfriend something I love to eat, when he doesn't eat that way. She thinks people will fall in love with being vegan like her. Like if she brought a nice dish to my house, didn't say anything about it being vegan and just brought it to bring it without all the attention, people probably would have eaten it and enjoyed it and praised her for cooking. But I found she had to tell everyone it was vegan etc...and it turns people the wrong way.

 

I think she does get hurt by all of us passing her by in life. I don't judge her on success. We are young and still finding our way. I sometimes judge her by her lack of wanting success. Every one of our friends, including myself work a lot, are creating careers, want money and happiness and love. We strive to move out or already have moved out from our parents. She has spent 6 years getting a 2 year degree. She doesn't have huge aspirations. She doesn't care if she makes a lot of money. I guess its strange to me because everyone around us wants more, and she is so content letting her parents take care of her. Living at home. She and her boyfriend would spend so much time with her parents at their house. Again, guys are all down to meet the parents, but most don't want to sit talking to a girls parents weekend after weekend, just hanging out with them. And I am the biggest family person in the world.

 

She wants all this attention for being vegan. Just be yourself. People don't care as much as she wants them to. She needs to gain some confidence. I don't mean to judge her. I complain because I do care about her. I have a lot going on in my life, and a lot going for my future. Its sometimes just such a pain to have to stress over something as simple as where to go for dinner, as she needs special treatment. Like something as simple as going out of pizza becomes much harder, and its not my fault.

 

Like if I mention being on a diet, which I am, or trying to be healthy, she goes on rants about how great vegan is. It makes me feel inferior. I've told her a few times, that she is lucky her parents get the groceries for her, because living on your own it isn't easy to buy top end organic food like she does. Then she claims she buys the stuff herself. But then a week later, she will tell me how her dad is going grocery shopping. She lies. Why lie? Just be yourself and I will respect you more.

 

I feel bad saying anything. I do support her being healthy and vegan. It's just annoying. I try and hint that I don't care, but she doesn't get it.

[whichwayisup]

Stop hinting at it and just have an honest respectful conversation with her about how often she talks about being a vegan and it's putting you and others off. Tell her you don't mean to hurt her feelings but enough already!

 

There has to be MORE to her than just speaking about food and health. That gets boring!

[Arieswoman]

Another veggie here.

 

This girl isn't veggie or vegan - she's an attention seeker. If she starts banging on about it just shut her down by pointing out her penchant for chicken when she's drunk.

 

If she's really getting on your pip maybe give her a wide berth for a while?

[amkxoxo]

That is what is so irritating. She tells everyone she is vegan for attention. It’s all she has going for her. But then once in a while she eats meat, eggs, cheese. Then you aren’t a vegan. Then if you do bring it up to her about her “cheating”, she uses it for even more attention and then claims she isn’t a strict vegan. But she tries to be one. But again, you aren’t one if you don’t always do it. She seems to have a lot of issues surrounding attention. I feel bad for her. She is a great person, she just needs to use what she has to get natural attention, not forced. About a year ago she introduced me to a few of her friends. I am not originally from this area, so I needed to meet more people. I was myself, confident, and they all loved me. Some of the guys have asked me out, others have become good friends. It went from her taking me to things, to me being invited and them telling me I can bring her. I’ve gotten really close with some of them that they have even told me they like me better than her. They find her to be self-absorbed in her own life. We’ve gone out and some guys have asked me out. When I show no interest in it, then they go ask her out second best. It isn’t my fault. I would feel horrible if I was in her shoes. Like second best choice. She doesn’t eat like a majority of people, she doesn’t wear makeup, or use birth control. Most, not all, but most guys aren’t going to want to deal with that. I eat healthy, wear makeup, enhance my features, and I am safe if the time arises where I do want to have sex. I am not a slut by any means. I’ve danced my whole entire life. From age 3 to now as a 25 year old. I teach dance. I keep up with it. I was sidetracked by an injury, as I would have been trying to go more professional with my craft. My friend danced for maybe 6 or 7 years, until she was 12 or 13 years old. She talks to people like she was a dancer yesterday. I think she saw the attention I got for it. People were impressed that I danced for so long. We would be out and I would be having a conversation with someone. They would ask about me and I would mention dancing, which is my passion. She would pipe in and say “Oh I’m a dancer too.” She quit more than 10 years ago. In the dance world she is not considered a dancer at all. She will exercise and then claim her hips hurt and blame it on her years of dancing. No way. That’s such a lie. When I was 12 years old I wasn’t straining myself dancing. You barely know enough moves at that point to have hip problems over ten years later. I should know, I have medical problems from my extensive years of dance and competitions. One night I had to hold back laughter and my tongue. She went to act all impressive like she knew this special tap dance move. She does a move with her feet, which is an actual move, then she says the move out loud. Unbeknownst to her, she didn’t say the move that matched her feet. She had no idea. She said the wrong term for what she did. It wasn’t even close. I was dying laughing inside. She doesn’t know what she is talking about. She is a sweet, awesome person, she just needs to be herself. I would respect her way more for it.

 

Like with her now ex-boyfriend. I think she was a little maybe jealous that I was casually talking to two men, in hopes of one of them being the one for me. She and I were out and we met this guy at a bar. I wasn’t interested at all, but she spoke with him for part of the night. The next day I get a Facebook message from him saying how it was nice to meet my friend and I. How he had a lot of fun and would love to get some people together to go hiking some time. I told him that sounded great and we would be in touch. I was all for making new friends. My friend calls me and starts telling me how he Facebooked her and asked her out. I thought it seemed ironic that he Facebook messaged me too. I tell her he Facebook messaged me and asked for a group to go hiking. She suddenly got defensive and starts saying how he asked her out though and he separately asked her out. I was happy for her. She never gets asked out. I wasn’t into him, so I thought it was weird she got defensive. Then a week later we were hanging out with another girl friend. My friend is gushing how the guy Facebook messaged her and asked her out to go hiking. I pipe in and say how he Facebook messaged me to go hiking with a group of friends. She got super defensive and says how he was probably only being nice because he saw that we were friends out at the bar, and he truly didn’t want me to go and was only asking her out to go hiking. I had never seen her so defensive. I felt bad, but also insulted. I wasn’t trying to win over this guy. I was stating the truth. He didn’t ask me out, he asked if a group of us wanted to go hiking some time. I question if that’s the message her sent her also, and she took it as a date or wanted to make it seem like it was a date.

 

They were in a relationship a month later. She rushed into everything. He was her first boyfriend. She was talking about marriage by month two, and how people saw them being together forever. At the same time she also lost her virginity to him. This was the girl that preached to me about keeping her virginity until you get to know someone well. She and I shared this view point. Then she just gives it up. She claims “when you know, you just know.” Complete lies. She wanted to know, she wanted to keep him around. Now he left her. I saw a drastic change in her personality. She claimed he didn’t like drinking or going out, but they would go out with his friends drinking until late hours of the night. She started drinking guy drinks, that she never liked before. She started ditching me for plans, until she knew what he wanted to do. One time she left me hanging and it caused a fight between my boyfriend and I. After 4 months, he broke up with her.

 

She seeks attention for the most boring things. She loves talking about vegan, veggie, and her lifestyle. Most guys we meet don’t want to hear all about that. And then her making people feel bad by saying if she eats a cheese pastry that she feels so sick afterwards. Unless your lactose intolerant or allergic, which she isn’t, a cheese pastry once in a while doesn’t kill you. She is so dramatic like she has some sort of medical reasoning for her veganism. But she doesn’t. Eating healthy does make you feel better. I eat healthy. I also eat eggs, dairy, and meat. I’m very healthy. When she tells me what she eats, it seems to lack a lot of protein, calcium, and other important nutritional values. She eats lots of potatoes. Great, potatoes are good. But she acts like potatoes are filled with so many good nutrients. Potatoes are all carbohydrates. Sometimes she eats multiple potatoes for a meal. Not the healthiest choice. Then she claims she cooks them and doesn’t put anything on them and thinks they are delicious. Okay, everyone is different, but come on. I always put at least a little butter and salt on my potato. A plain potato does not sound appetizing at all. She preaches that it’s so much better plain than with stuff on it. No way. No way at all, potatoes are better without butter, salt, sour cream etc…

Edited February 17, 2016 by amkxoxo

[seekingpeaceinlove]

What do you like about her? From the way you've described her, it doesn't seem like an honest conversation with her is going to help your friendship. It almost feels like you don't even respect her. What is the point of being friends if you are literally writing an essay about how much she annoys you?

 

Look. Years ago, I cut off a friendship with someone that I had been close to for some time. Towards the end of our friendship, I started noticing that after I would hang out with her..I would talk negatively about her. Just about everything she did or said got on my last nerves. I tried to change my perspective, focus on her positive attributes but nothing helped. I tried to have a conversation with her about my issues with her, but how can I tell someone that their personality annoys me?

 

I just sort of withdrew slowly from her life and we remain in touch but are not close and I am totally fine with that.

 

You know that cliche: People are in your life for a reason, season or a lifetime. She was in my life for a season..and we've moved on. Maybe you need too as well.

 

If she is truly someone you care for and would like to maintain a friendship..maybe you can talk to her. Do you feel like she would be open to what you have to say? Considering her confidence/attention seeking issues...I'm not sure she would take what you have to say gracefully.

 

Like I said, try to focus on her positives and have a gentle converstation if you feel the friendship is worth keeping. It that doesn't work..perhaps it's time to fade out...that is, if you can no longer tolerate her.

Edited February 17, 2016 by seekingpeaceinlove

[amkxoxo]

My friend is a sweet person. She is always there when I need her.

 

She's already doing it again. She just suggested she, myself, and another friend have a girls night and go out and buy all vegan ice creams to try and see what we like.

 

I tried to stick up for myself and I told her if we were doing that why wouldn't I just eat regular ice cream?

 

And she goes "yeah but people say it tastes just like regular ice cream so it would be interesting to see which ones do."

 

I again tried to nicely say to her that I eat dairy products, so why would I spend my money buying fake ice cream, which is just filled with sugar like regular ice cream, when I could have regular which I know I like.

 

Like I would never ask that of people. She said "Well some people do it for fun."

 

Maybe its fun for her, but I enjoy eating regular food.

[whichwayisup]

My friend is a sweet person. She is always there when I need her.

 

She's already doing it again. She just suggested she, myself, and another friend have a girls night and go out and buy all vegan ice creams to try and see what we like.

 

I tried to stick up for myself and I told her if we were doing that why wouldn't I just eat regular ice cream?

 

And she goes "yeah but people say it tastes just like regular ice cream so it would be interesting to see which ones do."

 

I again tried to nicely say to her that I eat dairy products, so why would I spend my money buying fake ice cream, which is just filled with sugar like regular ice cream, when I could have regular which I know I like.

 

Like I would never ask that of people. She said "Well some people do it for fun."

 

Maybe its fun for her, but I enjoy eating regular food.

 

OMG, just tell her NO!!! I WANT REGULAR ICECREAM. Stop allowing her to dictate the menu for all of you! If you don't stand up to her and actually have a real conversation about this, then it's on you and your friends for keeping your mouths shut and doing what she wants every time. If you don't want vegan ice cream, then don't have it! Are you afraid of her if you don't eat vegan food? If she gets pissy about it or upset, so be it.

[basil67]

My friend is a sweet person. She is always there when I need her.

 

She's already doing it again. She just suggested she, myself, and another friend have a girls night and go out and buy all vegan ice creams to try and see what we like.

 

I tried to stick up for myself and I told her if we were doing that why wouldn't I just eat regular ice cream?

 

And she goes "yeah but people say it tastes just like regular ice cream so it would be interesting to see which ones do."

 

I again tried to nicely say to her that I eat dairy products, so why would I spend my money buying fake ice cream, which is just filled with sugar like regular ice cream, when I could have regular which I know I like.

 

Like I would never ask that of people. She said "Well some people do it for fun."

 

Maybe its fun for her, but I enjoy eating regular food.

 

Whichwayisup nailed it.

 

amkxoxo, you're not being firm enough - and you're giving her space to reply to your comments. If you want this to stop, you need to shut it down.

 

Instead of asking why would wouldn't you just eat regular ice cream, you say "no, I'm buying regular ice cream" or "nah, I'm not interested in Vegan". If she argues the point, tell her that she's talked about Vegan for long enough and while you support her choices, you need for her to stop talking about it. If she argues again, tell her "nobody cares about how you eat"

[amkxoxo]

Its not that I don't do what I want. I do. I will buy regular ice cream. Its the fact that she thinks it will be fun for us to eat food that only she eats, because only she eats it, when I am free to eat other/regular/better things. My boyfriend thinks she is all about her, and now I can see why he and his friend find her annoying.

 

The other girl and myself eat regular food. If we wanted to be vegan or try being vegan, we would. Its no less sugar or better for you regular or vegan. She thinks "it's fun to try and see which one is better." I told her "its fun for you but its not very exciting for me." I already know regular ice cream is good. Why, for no reason, would I spend lots of money on vegan ice cream, which might not be good, for fun, when I can easily buy cheap regular dairy ice cream, since I eat dairy?

 

I don't know why she keeps thinking people want to try it because its her lifestyle. I said before, I don't eat pork, because of medical reasons. Half of my friends don't even know I can't eat this. I don't say unless someone asks and I don't elaborate unless someone asks. Because I live it. I make it happen. Its for me. I don't care if others eat it. Its special for me. She doesn't just live it for herself.

 

Even tonight I mentioned how much I wanted pizza so badly. I'd been craving it. I like pizza dough, sauce, cheese. A real pizza. She goes on to send me a picture of her "potato pizza". It wasn't a real pizza. She goes on to tell me all how she mad it and that it was so good.

 

I wasn't sure what to say. I'd been craving just a regular pizza. I don't want a vegan pizza made with potato crust no cheese and cauliflower. I lied and told her it looked delicious. I don't care. Its great she enjoyed it. Not sure what else to say.

[basil67]

Its not that I don't do what I want. I do. I will buy regular ice cream. Its the fact that she thinks it will be fun for us to eat food that only she eats, because only she eats it, when I am free to eat other/regular/better things. My boyfriend thinks she is all about her, and now I can see why he and his friend find her annoying.

 

The other girl and myself eat regular food. If we wanted to be vegan or try being vegan, we would. Its no less sugar or better for you regular or vegan. She thinks "it's fun to try and see which one is better." I told her "its fun for you but its not very exciting for me." I already know regular ice cream is good. Why, for no reason, would I spend lots of money on vegan ice cream, which might not be good, for fun, when I can easily buy cheap regular dairy ice cream, since I eat dairy?

 

I don't know why she keeps thinking people want to try it because its her lifestyle. I said before, I don't eat pork, because of medical reasons. Half of my friends don't even know I can't eat this. I don't say unless someone asks and I don't elaborate unless someone asks. Because I live it. I make it happen. Its for me. I don't care if others eat it. Its special for me. She doesn't just live it for herself.

 

Even tonight I mentioned how much I wanted pizza so badly. I'd been craving it. I like pizza dough, sauce, cheese. A real pizza. She goes on to send me a picture of her "potato pizza". It wasn't a real pizza. She goes on to tell me all how she mad it and that it was so good.

 

I wasn't sure what to say. I'd been craving just a regular pizza. I don't want a vegan pizza made with potato crust no cheese and cauliflower. I lied and told her it looked delicious. I don't care. Its great she enjoyed it. Not sure what else to say.

 

I can't give you anything else other than to reiterate that you have to tell her that you aren't interested in vegan, you're bored with hearing about it and don't want to hear about it any more.

[whichwayisup]

You are enabling her behavior towards you!

 

I wasn't sure what to say. I'd been craving just a regular pizza. I don't want a vegan pizza made with potato crust no cheese and cauliflower. I lied and told her it looked delicious. I don't care. Its great she enjoyed it. Not sure what else to say.

 

"Looks nice but you couldn't pay me enough to eat that!" Make a joke and be done with it.

 

If you aren't going to talk to her about it you need to find a way to deal with the irritation she's causing you. No use in complaining as that may relieve your anger about it but it doesn't solve the problem.

[introverted1]

You sound really disdainful of your friend.

 

Being passive-aggressive about the situation won't help. Nor will feigning interest and then being annoyed when she responds with more enthusiasm.

 

If you value the friendship, then you need to speak with her clearly and directly. Tell her you are happy she has found a lifestyle that resonates for her, but that you are not interested in making that change. Let her know that when you spend time together you will work with her to make sure there are acceptable food options for both of you but that you are not interested in learning about her choices at this time.

 

There's no reason or need for either of you to impose your food/lifestyle choices on the other. You can find places to go where you can both be happy. If you are having her over, either have something she can eat or welcome her offer to bring her own food.

 

There are lots of ways to work this out if you want to. I have friends who are vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, no-nuts -- you name it, and I know someone with some sort of dietary restriction. I've been introduced to lots of yummy new dishes as a result. We all manage just fine.

[emptynest2016]

I am sure you don't mean to but vegans eat real food. Ben & Jerry's just came out with Vegan ice cream and people that are lactose intolerant can eat it. I just went grocery shopping yesterday and trust me, it was all real food. I eat real pizza too. Not with a potato crust mind you. LOL What I make has a real crust that just happens to be vegan and the sauce is a sauce that you would find at a regular store. I just use a vegan cheese and it's amazing! The only thing that would be different about my trip to the store than to yours is mine didn't have meat in it.

However, my spouse and I went out last night and I didn't mention it to anyone once! LOL My oldest came out to hang with us and the only thing I said to her was I got the stuff to make her favorite Thai soup. LOL And she ISN'T a vegan at all.

You are an omnivore but so is your friend. I agree with another poster here. She is NOT a vegan. She doesn't sound like a flexitarian either.

I do get the sense you care about your friend. I think you need to have a sit down with her or this friendship is going to crash and burn. Like you said, if your going to be vegan then be one but I am not so please stop and stop being a poser. If you didn't care you wouldn't be so upset.

If she still sticks to this idea of hers then maybe you could still be a friend but distance yourself.

[amkxoxo]

I feel like at this point I have tried absolutely everything. I've tried making jokes about it such as "you couldn't pay me to eat it" and she then goes on and on and on about how delicious it is and them bombardes me with recipes and dietary facts. I am not against her being vegan. I am against her talking about it 24/7. Like if she wants to live that life, then live it for you. You don't need to be telling people. I am not saying she doesn't eat real food, but I eat a regular diet that id medically appropriate with the guidelines a doctor would set. She doesn't. I didn't mean it to say she doesn't eat real food. She doesn't eat as many normal people do is all.

 

Its not even food anymore. She seeks attention in all aspects. Her boyfriend broke up with her about two months ago. My boyfriend and I called it quits about a month ago. My friend has been literally fine. No tears. She isn't sad. I was shocked right after the breakup, she was almost using it as an attention seeker, by reaching out and telling everyone she knew that they broke up and people gave her sympathetic attention. She was smiling and laughing mind you.

 

I know not everyone is the same, but I was so shocked I questioned her feelings for him all together. I went through a bad breakup years ago. I was broken, depressed, and sad for a long while. This time around, I'm sad. I'm broken, but not as depressed. I went through a breakup too and I've been hurt. Its all my friend talks about still. I don't brag about it. It hurts me. She talks about it constantly. She talks like she is so over him and he isn't the right one for her etc... but I think secretly she would take him back in a heartbeat, even after seeing all of his major flaws. He hasn't talked to her and I don't think he wants to. He doesn't want her back.

 

Recently, he reached out to her to get some of his stuff back. I asked her about how she felt seeing him. She obnoxiously enough said "well its a free lunch."

 

I was shocked. She thought he asked her to lunch as a date. He just wanted his stuff back. I then told her she shouldn't expect he's going to pay for her. They met up yesterday and he didn't pay for her. Shocker!!! Not.

 

She said they caught up. She was hoping to dish him a piece of her mind and her feelings. Though she already did that when they broke up so I don't know why she wanted to do it again.

 

She said he hugged her hello and goodbye. I think she thought it was him proposing marriage, the way she said it. Then he apparently said " we'll have to catch up another time again."

 

A generic statement anyone would say. I don't think he has any intention of talking to her. She actually thinks he wants to see her again. In two months he only contacted her about getting his valuables back. He doesn't want to see her.

 

She spent paragraphs of dialogue explaining this meaningless meeting of theirs to myself and another girl friend in a three way texting conversation.

 

Our other friend then piped in and asked how I was doing with my breakup and had I seen my ex.

 

I briefly told her that he had changed his mind a week after our breakup and tried to win me back. We texted a lot and that I just needed to space and time to re-evaluate. He was giving me the space I asked for. I told her I missed him very much and I was emotionally trying to cope.

 

Before she could even comment, my vegan friend pipes in that my ex should respect me and not talk to me if thats what I asked because if he does that makes him a jerk etc...

 

I think she was jealous that her ex wants nothing to do with her and mine does. I said he was giving me space. He is respecting me. I think she is trying to make my ex look bad like hers ended up being. Not true.

 

Then she goes "So back to my ex and our meeting today."

 

My blood was boiling at that point. She was pretty much changing the subject back to her, saying that my stuff didn't matter at all. Who would say that? Like, back to me me me!

[SpiralOut]

I find it interesting that you criticize her for wanting you to eat what she eats, then you turn around and expect her to react exactly the same way that you react to the break up of a relationship. If you want her to respect you for the way you are, then return the favour. Different people handle breakups differently. There is no need to feel shocked about it.

 

Stop spending time with her. You clearly don't respect her.