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Friends only


moimeme

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The problem I've been having is that I don't seem to be able to find fellows who would be happy being just pals. It's gotten to the point over the last few years that I only make friends of fellows that I would consider as partners as well. However, I wouldn't mind also having some 'just pals' guys around.

 

I tend to be a fairly happy human, and most of the fellows I meet I encounter because of dancing. I enjoy dancing very much and that surely shows; I think people like to dance with me because I enjoy it so much. This seems to attract fellows, which is nice, but it would be nicer if I could be just friends with some of them.

 

What makes a woman 'friend' material versus partner material, fellows? What would cause you to find a woman undesirable as a mate but fine as a friend? How can I stay in the 'friend' zone with these fellows?

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Originally posted by moimeme

What makes a woman 'friend' material versus partner material, fellows?

 

Your sex appeal. And dancing around those men doesn't help. Damn you.

 

Originally posted by moimeme What would cause you to find a woman undesirable as a mate but fine as a friend?

 

Talk to VirginiaBob, he has seemed to find one that churns absolutely no interest. It's obvious it can be done.

 

But...

 

You can't make people not like you Moi, you either got it or you don't. So quit bitchin about being wanted. :p Just be yourself.

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Bah. It would be nice to have some guy buddies who think of me as maybe a sister or something :p

 

And dancing around those men doesn't help

 

Stupid, stupid latin dancing LOL.

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Guy pals are the best, the problem is sooner or later they hit on you. My solutionin find gay men to befriend :)

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Originally posted by moimeme

Bah. It would be nice to have some guy buddies who think of me as maybe a sister or something :p

 

 

 

Stupid, stupid latin dancing LOL.

 

Latin?! Oh - you've got the wrong ethnicity! I've dated a few Latin men and they can't be friends. They're always trying to get down your pants. :p

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Wow, wouldn't that be something, to see Moi and george dancing together?

:sick:

 

Well that's ruined my appetite for the day. Yeesh. OTOH, maybe that's the ultimate plan to bring the man down. Befuddle him with my moves and then, when he's all overcome with hormones, get someone to record him telling me state secrets or something. :laugh: While we're having tea. There would be NO removal of clothing, I assure you.

 

Latin?! Oh - you've got the wrong ethnicity!

 

No, I'm not dancing with Latins (more's the pity LOL), I'm dancing Latin. We haven't any Latinos in ballroom - they're the salsa crowd.

 

My solutionin find gay men to befriend

 

You know, despite the numbers of gay guys in dancing, there isn't one in our club that I can find. There's a new gay guy at work but he smokes like a chimney. You're right, though, gay guys do make wonderful pals. Hm. Wonder where I can cruise for some here LOL

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It's the hunting instinct I think. Even if let's say you do meet a very nice guy, I say there are... 150% to make a common. It has nbothing to do with what you've told him, the signs, etc. You're a woman, he's a man and if you're friends, then there's a certain complicity. So they try.

 

Some men wil never be able to have women as friends. They're the dominant type. Like to take charge, are very galant, will open doors. But, IMHO, the only way they see a woman in their life is in bed. Those who fall under that cateogory will cutt you off their list and will ocasionally flirt with you, if their ego isn't too badly damaged after the rejection.

 

Other simply don't want women as friends. They have plenty of guys to have fun with, go out and not have to think about things too much.

 

 

The men that are willing to have women as friends are usually men that are trully open minded. Those also hit on you, but after the NC period prior to that, they call and say they'd rather have you in their life as a friend than not at all. They look at you as a person, not at the social or other type of benefits.

 

 

 

IMO, you won't be able to meet or make a friend when dancing. IT depends on how you percieve dancing. I think that the expression "she coud get pregnant after that tango with that guy" says it all. IT's about a common passion, which is trickier to manage. Doing not so phisical things with your male friends help stay within the "friendship" boundaries. And not seeing them all the time.

 

I think it's very important to know what you can expect from a man and what you cannot.

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Originally posted by Stone . My solutionin find gay men to befriend :)

 

That is a good one. I was thinking about it. I have the same problem Moi. I know exactly what you mean. I gave up. I have had few guy friend that were just pals. But I lost them for different reasons. Like his wife wasn’t comfortable with our friendship, coworkers started to gossip, my ex husband was extremely jealous. No guy friends at all. Only one high school friend I could meet sometimes. And that was because I and ex thought he is gay. Several years past, I was divorces and in different country, that my friend found my phone number, called me and told that I was love of his life. :eek: (I still cannot believe it; I strongly believed he was a gay.)

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Moi~ the fact that you enjoy dancing so much, look good doing it, know what you are doing, and are confident.....that is very impressive!

 

the guys are drawn to that heir of confidance you have about you, and want to be in on it.

 

some gay men are ok, just like any other person, some are dicks, some aren't.

 

when i go dancing, i dance with a lot of men on the floor. i do not really talk to the guys afterwards, it is like i am a character in a play.

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I :love::love::love::love: my gay friend. He is my best person at my wedding! He was the one that I could go to when I had a crummy date, we used to scout out guys together, and use each other to figure out of guys were gay or straight. We have had so much fun together. We have cried on each others shoulders often.

 

I have a lot of guy friends. LOL my other best friend is a lesbian! Go figure!

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SuperFantastico

Goddamn you latin dancing women!! Thats what got me hooked on this 'friend'

of mine!! But unfortunately she only thought of me as a friend....actually worse,

a 'brother' :(

 

Well perhaps, meeting people at places of work rather than clubs where people

go to pick-up other people might be a good place to start. Also try to find

guys that are already taken. Then that will definitly increase the chances

of the two of you being friends.

 

Perhaps you are just one of those flirty people. Or you have the who

vulnerable thing happening. Drives guys nuts. Who knows. I guess

its not something to complain about. I for the life of me wish i had your super

powers of suducing the oposite sex.

 

Maybe because you have no interest in them they might see it as a challange,

or that you are playing hard to get.

 

Anyways, good luck.

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I don't go to clubs. The ballroom community has lots of events - most which don't involve bars or even booze (you can't navigate well if you're drinking).

 

I guess you're right, though. An activity which involves physical contact with the opposite gender is not the place to find folks who want to be pals only. Maybe tai chi? You don't actually touch in that and the moves aren't exactly sexy :D

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Originally posted by moimeme

Maybe tai chi? You don't actually touch in that and the moves aren't exactly sexy :D

 

 

Dear Heart, you obviously haven't seen my big ole Viking boy doing it naked! :love:

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SuperFantastico

Lol i dont think i want to see that(or maybe i do?!)

 

Belive me, anytime you see women moving all sexy and stuff the last thing

that comes in a guys mind is 'golly i sure want to be plutonic friends with that

sexy dancing siren ;) '

 

Plus you are both having fun. And when you have fun together it makes people

think. Wow this girl is great. I'd like to get to know her more.

I love salsa dancing personally. Its a great experience.

Partner dancing kicks ass. Actually im going to cuba next month bah ha ha!!!

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One of our other Canajun members is going to Cuba, too. There's a post on it someplace...

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SuperFantastico

Man i gotta take some dancing courses. I'm really rusty. Plus those cuban dancers

are incredible. They are more freestyle. Have you ever seen dance with me. Like

chyanne in that movie. Very cool. I saw it once in mexico.

 

I wanna take capoera too :( (too poor ;) )

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Originally posted by SuperFantastico

I wanna take capoera too :( (too poor ;) )

 

Capoera is so COOL!!!!

 

Not many people barter anymore for classes. Its sort of sad.

 

Moi you hot mama! Men can't help but melt at your feet.

 

Me? I think I am gonna go watch my big ole Viking do his Tai-Chi. It is UNREAL how a man who is 6'4" and 260lbs can move so gracefully.

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Originally posted by moimeme

What makes a woman 'friend' material versus partner material, fellows? What would cause you to find a woman undesirable as a mate but fine as a friend? How can I stay in the 'friend' zone with these fellows?

 

I can be friends with women I am not attracted to or attracted to but something about them turns me off, say the way she walks.

 

I have many female acquaintances but no real female "friends". All the female friends I had over the yrs I found out later were romantically interested in me.

 

Basically, any woman I don't want to have sex with I can be friends with.

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Originally posted by SuperFantastico

Man i gotta take some dancing courses. I'm really rusty. Plus those cuban dancers

are incredible. They are more freestyle. Have you ever seen dance with me. Like

chyanne in that movie. Very cool. I saw it once in mexico.

 

I wanna take capoera too :( (too poor ;) )

 

Yup us Cubans *I mean* dancers rock! lol :p

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Well, I'll have happy dreams of Latins dancing in Cuba anyway. I think with all due respect, Rowan, that I'll cancel out any images of large naked graceful men doing Tai Chi should they arise :p

 

when i go dancing, i dance with a lot of men on the floor. i do not really talk to the guys afterwards, it is like i am a character in a play.

 

Interesting, Tattoo! Mind you, this is the ballroom gang so you see the same people again and again in classes and at dances, etc. It's much more social than just going out to bars or clubs. Actually, if folks are looking to find themselves partners, give dance lessons a try. Lots of people do end up together. One of my good friends met her husband through dancing, in fact - 'twas me who persuaded her to take lessons! :)

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