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I'm getting really tired of annoying 'friends '. Trying to 'help' and causing a literal train wreck.

 

I found myself in the lucky / unlucky position of meeting the perfect girlfriend and perfect wife at pretty well the same time. I'm 38. The perfect girlfriend is 20, loves to party and we get along amazing. The perfect wife is 35 great with kids, cooks, cleans with joy and she's so sweet and pure she apologized for not being a virgin because she had sex once 15 years ago.

 

Well I had one "friend" decide to out me for making the dumb but completely understandable choice of trying to have both, right to my girlfriend (perfect wife girl) and point right to my non girlfriend (perfect girlfriend) when she's sitting right there. Perfect girlfriend was a roommate so you better believe that made things awkward because we lived together.

 

Fast forward a month, now I'm engaged to perfect wife girl but I'm still friends with perfect girlfriend girl. We're still crazy about eachother and hooked up a few times since the last outing and knowing us we probably will again (we would have sex like 4 times a day we've had sex in every room of the house, the backyard even in a nightclub) and we go to visit my 'friend' who is in town staying at a hotel.

 

I'm figuring that visiting someone is probably a lot safer than hanging out in my house alone. But the perfect girlfriend is a bit raw about the engagement for obvious reasons do I fill the guy in and tell him not to talk about it because we still have feelings for eachother.

 

Few drinks in the guy proceeds to lecture me and the girl about how horrible I am for having a girlfriend and sleeping with a 'kid half my age'. He's taking the tone like I'm the guy and I'm all bad and the girl did nothing wrong but still makes her feel like **** in the process and (she knew I had a girlfriend - perfect wife - all along) . Few hours and an hour of lectures later we leave and the girl is pissed off from the cab ride to home and into the next morning.

 

Listen I know cheating is wrong and we haven't hooked up since I got engaged which was only 3 days ago, and my actual girlfriend (perfect wife) is an amazing girl who not only knows that all this has been going on but pretty well told me if she caught me again she'd probably forgive me because she's seen me and this girl hanging out together and she knows there's a serious spark there. The other girl we do really love eachother but we know it would never work for the long haul and she is happy for me and knows I made the right choice.

 

It's just that these f-ing people who all want to get involved and lecture or "out" us who call themselves my "friends" when they (a) don't know either my girlfriend or my non-girlfriend and (b) are just causing unnecessary pain in the name of "helping " are driving me nuts

 

It's a difficult enough situation without people popping into my life and running through it like a bull in a China shop when it's a fine tightrope walk.

 

I kicked the one friend who outed us in the first place out of my house and out of my life. Just two days ago I cancelled having dinner with lecture boy, he was going to meet my fiance and I called him a prick for making the other girl feel like ****.

 

His response was some blather about how "next time I'll say nothing while I destroy my life my wife's life and the life of a kid half my age". Wtf, I wasn't even trying to get with her, I wasn't being touchy Feely and we weren't even flirting I told him we were just friends now and we just visited him in his hotel room for drinks (ironically because his whole work crew abandoned him wonder why).

 

What do you do with these people? Ditch them? Have a word with them? Kill them? (lol j/k)

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Wait...I missed something.

 

So, your girlfriend who's going to be the "perfect wife" knows about your FWB "perfect girlfriend" and understands and is OK with it...and your FWB "perfect girlfriend" understands that you'll be making your girlfriend your "perfect wife"

 

but you're upset with your "annoying friend" for bringing up the obvious in front of both of them, making one - or the other of them - feel like "****".

 

 

 

Where's your part in all of this making the "perfect wife" and the "perfect girlfriend" feel like "****"? Or, is it your "annoying friends" who are doing all the damage to your perfect scenario?

 

If it's the latter - and you are completely blameless - then yes, you should drop your annoying friends.

 

:confused:

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Tullyseptember

If all parties are aware than no train wreck can occur from your friends comments. Sounds like you need to have friends that live the lifestyle you and your perfect/non perfect girlfriends live. Since everyone is on board with your choices you all have no issues with others opinions, unless someone within the three isn't really onboard with this present scenario.

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"Perfect wife" "Perfect girlfriend"

 

 

In psychoanalytic literature, a Madonna–whore complex is the inability to maintain sexual arousal within a committed, loving relationship. First identified by Sigmund Freud, under the rubric of psychic impotence, this psychological complex is said to develop in men who see women as either saintly Madonnas or debased prostitutes.

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If all parties are aware than no train wreck can occur from your friends comments. Sounds like you need to have friends that live the lifestyle you and your perfect/non perfect girlfriends live. Since everyone is on board with your choices you all have no issues with others opinions, unless someone within the three isn't really onboard with this present scenario.

 

It's a pretty complicated scenario. "Perfect girlfriend " and I were messing around with her knowing full well I had "perfect wife" as a girlfriend. We never figured we would end up getting attached and it was not going to last forever, she knew I was going to get engaged and it would stop there. Silly us though, because we lived together as roommates it got out of hand and she realized she was head over heels for me and the feelings hot really real for me too.

 

Friend one who blew it up led to a situation where I had two women crying in my kitchen on a Monday morning before work with them both pressuring me to choose one of them. It was a really tough call because I loved them both, I almost chose "perfect girlfriend " but ended up choosing "perfect wife ".

 

That choice broke "perfect girlfriends" heart so in anger she proceeded to tell "perfect wife" as many details of our many many sexual encounters in an attempt to scare off "perfect wife". She felt really bad about that the next day, and "perfect wife " didn't get scared off. "Perfect girlfriend " then apologized to "perfect wife " and told her that I made the right choice and wished us the best.

 

Later I spoke to "perfect wife" and she said she didn't want me to mess around with "perfect girlfriend " anymore but understood that "perfect girlfriend " and I had a real love for eachother and told me if she caught me at it again she wouldn't be happy but would forgive me.

 

Me and "perfect girlfriend " vowed to be friends and by and large have kept it that way although we ended up sleeping with eachother a few times because we're still crazy about eachother.

 

So... with that super complicated back story in mind me and "perfect girlfriend " are hanging out and I decide it's better to go visit "lecture boy" than to hang out drinking alone in my house. I forewarned "lecture boy" before we left by text to not gush and congratulate me and babble about the engagement because "perfect girlfriend" and I still had feelings for eachother and it would run salt in the wound for her.

 

All went well for the first hour or so until "lecture boy" started going off about how me and "perfect girlfriend " shouldn't sleep together because I'm engaged. I told him I had chosen "perfect wife" and that is that and we're just friends but we're still crazy about eachother.

 

How "lecture boy" made "perfect girlfriend " feel like a POS is "perfect girlfriend " isn't really one to cheat or sleep with attached guys and she already felt bad about it. When "lecture boy" was berating me about cheating and how bad that is "perfect girlfriend " just felt worse and worse. She was also getting mad because I chose perfect wife all over again because she still loves me and, for the exact reason I told "lecture boy" not to bring this sht up it was rubbing salt in her wounded heart when the subject was just better left alone.

 

Compounding my fury at this whole situation is that when we were visiting "perfect girlfriend " and I were not flirty, touchy, or dropping any innuendo about sleeping together at all. We weren't even sitting on the same couch. By anyone's observation we were just acting like normal opposite sex friends who joke and laugh. So the lectures came practically out of nowhere, it wasn't like we were making out or holding hands.

 

Rewinding to the first "friend" who outed us she was an escort by trade FFS who had me licking chocolate off her tits, hardly an authority on morality.

 

Why do people insist on getting involved in other people's business? Growl

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Spoiler alert: your friends aren't the problem in this story.

 

Your missing the point. This is a situation for me, "perfect wife", and "perfect girlfriend " to deal with, and nobody else.

 

I'm not saying cheating or loving two girls at once is a good thing but remember you are posting in a forum about "other woman / other man" so it's par for the course to see situations like this.

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Life can be so tough and unfair at times. Hope you're able to find a solution. Any chance wife/girlfriend would want a poly relationship.....letting it all get out in the open.

 

Thing is...you can't have a marriage and a girlfriend...it's make your mind up time.

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Why get engaged? Are you just trying to keep perfect wife from moving on? What happens when she turns out not to be so perfect but human after all? Will you run to perfect girlfriend? Please do not marry anytime soon. This is messy. Be glad you have friends willing to call you out on your shyt.

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Your missing the point. This is a situation for me, "perfect wife", and "perfect girlfriend " to deal with, and nobody else.

 

I'm not saying cheating or loving two girls at once is a good thing but remember you are posting in a forum about "other woman / other man" so it's par for the course to see situations like this.

 

Oh I know what forum you're posting on. I've just rarely seen someone so upset at everything that was not a priority to his issues, his affair partner, and his betrayed.

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Why get engaged? Are you just trying to keep perfect wife from moving on? What happens when she turns out not to be so perfect but human after all? Will you run to perfect girlfriend? Please do not marry anytime soon. This is messy. Be glad you have friends willing to call you out on your shyt.

 

"Perfect girlfriend " and I had no intention of falling for eachother, given the 18 year age difference and the fact that I had just gotten into a relationship with "perfect wife ". We were stupid and took it way too far. We both agree that it would never really work but here we are with these feelings and we want to remain friends.

 

Just because we've decided to downshift to friends only doesn't mean I don't care about her feelings, and having a guy babble about how I'm engaged out of seemingly nowhere to her isn't exactly going to make a girl who still loves me feel good.

 

"Perfect girlfriend " moved out of the house for unrelated reasons (lost her job) and "perfect wife " has moved in, so any "accidents" that happen between us will be pretty rare.

 

We're at that awkward stage where were we are still crazy about eachother but we're still friends and are trying to get over it.

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But anyway all that is off topic.

 

The reason for my post is I'm annoyed with meddling friends, not to justify my really awkward situation of being in love with two women at once.

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But anyway all that is off topic.

 

The reason for my post is I'm annoyed with meddling friends, not to justify my really awkward situation of being in love with two women at once.

 

 

How do the "meddling friends" that you're annoyed with know about "perfect wife" and "perfect girlfriend"?

 

Have you been sharing details of your situation with them, too?

 

 

Again, do you assume any responsibility in the sheer "****"-i-ness of any of this...or is it all the fault of your "annoying 'friends'" and respondents to threads on online discussion boards for continuing to discuss the issue(s)?

 

:confused:

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stop sharing deets with your friends if you don't want them to comment.

 

obviously your 'perfect girlfriend' and 'perfect wife' are not cool with sharing and being second to the other. so the only person benefiting from this is you and not them. that's not fair.

 

just don't get married and continue to bounce back and forth from woman to woman then.

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How do the "meddling friends" that you're annoyed with know about "perfect wife" and "perfect girlfriend"?

 

Have you been sharing details of your situation with them, too?

 

 

Again, do you assume any responsibility in the sheer "****"-i-ness of any of this...or is it all the fault of your "annoying 'friends'" and respondents to threads on online discussion boards for continuing to discuss the issue(s)?

 

:confused:

 

The chick who first blew the lid was another roommate. We were keeping it on the downlow but it was getting a bit obvious. Normally there's an unspoken rule that you don't mess around in your roommates relationships but I guess she didn't get the memo.

 

"Lecture boy" only knew because I told him not to mention the engagement, that we had been sleeping together and now we're just friends but that she still has feelings for me so talking about me being engaged would be insensitive to her feelings.

 

I mean, if me and "perfect girlfriend " showed up there and we're snuggling or kissing and he knew I was engaged I could see him saying something, but that wasn't at all the case.

 

Or if the roommate chick was friends with my "perfect wife " I could see her blowing the news, but again that wasn't the case.

 

What me and "perfect girlfriend " were doing when I had just gotten into a relationship with "perfect wife " was wrong, and us taking it to such a level where "perfect girlfriend " was practically my girlfriend and my actual girlfriend was practically my mistress was just asking for trouble.

 

But the two "friends " who took it upon themselves to get involved only served to cause pain for no benefit to anyone ; with roommate girl causing pain to "perfect wife " by blowing the truth out (right down to telling her we slept together practically every night my girlfriend wasn't around) , and "lecture boy" rubbing salt into the wounded heart of "perfect girlfriend " after I warned him not to.

 

Me and "perfect girlfriend " knew that once I got engaged that our arrangement would end and that our tryst had an expiry date, because it would never really work between us given the huge age difference. If neither of these people decided to involve themselves we would have eventually dissolved it anyway and the only people who would have ended up getting hurt would have been ourselves when we realized we got attached when we weren't supposed to.

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OP, you're not getting what I'm writing, so I'm going to try this one more (and probably last) time:

 

#1) Unless they're lying on you, "lecture boy" and "nosy female friend" could not have stirred up any "****" if YOU didn't - in fact - have a "perfect-wife girlfriend" AND a "perfect-girlfriend girlfriend"; and

 

#2) Unless you're lying, according to what you wrote, both "perfect-wife girlfriend" and "perfect-girlfriend girlfriend" are well aware of the other's place and placement within your life and are fine with it, soooooo

 

where's the "****"-stirring-upping, since it's all on the table and The Main Players are cool with it and moving ahead with the relationships?

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I just have visions of a 35 yo woman posting here sometime soon wondering why her fiancé keeps:

 

A. Sleeping with a 20 yo

B. Referring to sleeping with a 20 yo as an accident

C. Being angry at his friends and blaming the friends for causing her pain, as opposed to owning the fact her pain is caused by his infidelity

D. Saying that any more sleeping with the 20 yo will (future not past tense) also be an accident

E. And how she feels second rate and insecure because she hadn't had sex in 15 years and now all this crap is happening...and is this her fault.

F. Also her fiancé refuses to consider going NC.

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OP, you're not getting what I'm writing, so I'm going to try this one more (and probably last) time:

 

#1) Unless they're lying on you, "lecture boy" and "nosy female friend" could not have stirred up any "****" if YOU didn't - in fact - have a "perfect-wife girlfriend" AND a "perfect-girlfriend girlfriend"; and

 

#2) Unless you're lying, according to what you wrote, both "perfect-wife girlfriend" and "perfect-girlfriend girlfriend" are well aware of the other's place and placement within your life and are fine with it, soooooo

 

where's the "****"-stirring-upping, since it's all on the table and The Main Players are cool with it and moving ahead with the relationships?

 

Yeah I am not understanding if you have an open relationship how can someone stir something up? Maybe you aren't interested in their two cents on how you are conducting your life. Fair enough. But I would just politely shut it down and tell it is not up for discussion and if he continues you walk out.

 

In regards to the roommate, never heard that mantra and wouldn't assume someone will keep your cheating quiet just because you think they should. Just another gamble and sometimes the hand is short.

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OP, you're not getting what I'm writing, so I'm going to try this one more (and probably last) time:

 

#1) Unless they're lying on you, "lecture boy" and "nosy female friend" could not have stirred up any "****" if YOU didn't - in fact - have a "perfect-wife girlfriend" AND a "perfect-girlfriend girlfriend"; and

 

#2) Unless you're lying, according to what you wrote, both "perfect-wife girlfriend" and "perfect-girlfriend girlfriend" are well aware of the other's place and placement within your life and are fine with it, soooooo

 

where's the "****"-stirring-upping, since it's all on the table and The Main Players are cool with it and moving ahead with the relationships?

 

You are correct in #1. Obviously if I didn't end up in this situation in the first place these two could not have stirred up the sht.

 

On #2 your close.

 

"Perfect girlfriend " was well aware that "perfect wife " was going to be number 1 always until "nosy roommate " blew it all up then she realized she actually wanted to be number 1 and exclusive, probably triggered by the fact that "perfect wife " didn't dump me and chose to forgive us both. (she already suspected something was going on). I'd also told her that once there is a ring on that finger our fun has to stop.

 

"Perfect wife " wanted it to stop but flatly told me that if she caught me again she would probably forgive me, because she could see the connection and figured it wouldn't take much for "perfect girlfriend " to seduce me. "Perfect girlfriend " also in a rage told a very graphic account to "perfect wife " after I chose "perfect wife " and "perfect wife " probably suspected it was an attempt to get her to break up with me so "perfect girlfriend " could have me.

 

The sht-stirring is "nosy roommate " blowing the lid causing "perfect wife " a lot of pain when it wasn't any of her business and "lecture boy" rubbing salt in the wounded heart of "perfect girlfriend " by blowing the lid that I had just gotten engaged. The engagement wasn't being kept secret as "perfect girlfriend " knew I had even bought the ring buy that was no way or forum for her to find out, especially when it was followed by almost an hour of lecturing that made her feel like a POS.

 

"Lecture boy" also put me in the difficult position of needing to both assert that I chose "perfect wife " over "perfect girlfriend " while also needing to not make "perfect girlfriend " feel used and like me telling her I loved her before was a big lie, because it wasn't... which of course also made "perfect girlfriend " Re live the pain she felt when I chose "perfect wife ".

 

Bear in mind that all of this crap happened within two and a half weeks, and I am trying to be mindful of both girls feelings. I may have screwed up and broke "perfect girlfriends " heart by choosing "perfect wife " but there's no need for "lecture boy" to rub it in for an hour.

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Yeah I am not understanding if you have an open relationship how can someone stir something up? Maybe you aren't interested in their two cents on how you are conducting your life. Fair enough. But I would just politely shut it down and tell it is not up for discussion and if he continues you walk out.

 

In regards to the roommate, never heard that mantra and wouldn't assume someone will keep your cheating quiet just because you think they should. Just another gamble and sometimes the hand is short.

 

It's not an open relationship, the two relationships are out in the open. My post above will probably explain it better so no need to repost it.

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Maybe you need to dump these moral friends & get yourself some people who care less about what you do & who you hurt...including yourself? There are plenty of people who use the opposite sex for fun & games, thinking only of themselves. Why not surround yourself with them?

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GunslingerRoland

It's a fine line... you say your friend is meddling, but your friend probably see's themselves as trying to not enable you in ruining your life with ****ty decisions.

 

While I don't agree with how your friend went about it, I'm leaning towards their point of view, that you are being a horrible person and trying to justify it. You have your choice of the two most forgiving women in the world... figure out which one you actually want to be with, and leave the other one.

 

Or leave them both and find the "one" woman who is actually perfect for you, rather than two sides of a perfect woman, who are two different women.

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The OP doesn't have open relationships. What he has are 2 weak and spineless women. Neither of them want to share but they are too pathetic to stand up for themselves and demand respect. They prefer to stick their heads in the sand and pretend that the other relationship doesn't really exist. The OP's friends wake them from their cowardly slumber from time to time and force them to face how sad and pathetic this situation really is. They momentarily get angry which ruins temporarily ruins the OP's fun.

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