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friendship with cousin - should I let it go?


HansonGirl

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i am friends with one of my cousins, ("Mary") who is older than me. but there has been a family riff for some time and currently my family and our aunt, uncle, and cousins, as WELL as her own brother's family is on the outs with her mother, and since Mary lives with her, she sort of gets excluded too. It has come to the point where I have to LIE to Mary if I am attending a family function and my family gets mad at me that I talk to her. Recently I came to visit and during my visit, I saw our family and cousins, and I felt so guilty and nervous that Mary would find out. The last time this happened, she found out and started asking me who was there, and actually started crying about it. I didn't know what to say. She was understanding at that time about why I didn't tell her. But I wasn't even being completely honest with her either.

she is the type to get really mad at people, hold a grudge, and think she is always right. as an aside, she isn't exactly a great role model or positive influence. She moved to a different city to earn a degree, stayed extra years but never even earned the degree, and now she works part-time and lives with her parents. Meanwhile I would like to have success in my career. I definitely (even independent of the family riff) have considered whether I want to be this close of a friend with her. but I feel like she has been there for me so i feel a sense of loyalty and obligation. and to be frank she knows too many of my secrets :confused:

 

i was in town recently, and saw the extended family (the side that is on the outs with her) and i THINK she was out of town but i am not even sure. i wasn't planning to see the whole family, just my sister, but she sort of turned it into this huge thing. i had no part in planning it. i wanted it to be a low key weekend. but I messaged her a week later (after i returned home) and she never responded. she is probably mad that I didn't contact her ahead of time to see her.

 

i don't know what to do.

Edited by HansonGirl
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