chargersfan Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 I made a new friend and we’ve been hanging out for two months now. The problem is, whenever I text her “hello”, she responds with excuses why I haven’t heard from her- excuses that are untrue. To magnify the issue, I've never even questioned her about it…she offers it to me automatically. Doesn’t matter if it’s e-mail, text, or facebook messages (we don’t correspond through these avenues too much, only occasionally). I’ve never asked her “why don’t you contact me?”, but she feels obligated to reply like that. Our last text exchange, after having not seeing one another in 3 weeks (or communicating, for that matter) is: Me: Hi woman! I just wanted to say hi and how was your weekend? Her: OMG girl, my laptop took a sh-t and my tablet is so slow, so haven’t got on facebook or e-mail at all!! My weekend was fun. Lets meet at noon on October 13th at the mall? We can walk around. However, we were both on facebook at the same time because she was liking a bunch of pics she had been tagged in and they were popping up in my newsfeed. It’s not the first time she’s responded like that and I feel like she would just get angry if I broach the subject with her. None of my other friends do this, and I recently made new 2 other new friends who don’t react this way (and we don’t communicate via electronic devices too much, either). What would you do? Big deal or not a big deal? Link to post Share on other sites
Author chargersfan Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 Another issue is, she's always "scheduling" me to hang out with her. I usually have to wait 4-5 weeks to get together. Last time we hung out, beginning of August, I forwarded her a Facebook joke the next week and she responded with "LMAO that's funny! Let's plan on hanging out on 18th. We can go to the mall." At that point, September 18th was 5 weeks away. She says these lil' white lies. She was also adamant that she doesn't do technology as a form of communication (she's 40 and I'm 32), but recently sorta backtracked on that. I get the feeling that she doesn't really wanna be a friend to me, but she's always giving me that day and time, right away and even though I'm not asking that. That day and time though, is always 4-5 weeks away. Our last exchange goes as follows: Me: Hi woman! I just wanted to say hi and how was your weekend? Her: OMG girl, my laptop took a sh-t and my tablet is so slow, so haven’t got on facebook or e-mail at all!! My weekend was fun. Lets meet at noon on September 25th at the mall? We can walk around. Me: Ohhhhhh ur so full of sh-t, woman!! LOL! I ain't buying the innocent routine anymore GO sell that somewhere else, ha ha. LOL. J/K. I just wanted to say hi. Yeah, noon is fine. Her: No really, I cannot believe how annoying it is not to have a computer! There are really things u can only do on a computer, my tablet is so limited. Guess technology isn't so bad after all LOL! How you been girl? Me: Hahahahaha! Still, not buying it...lol j/k I went to the beach this weekend and had an awesome time! That's heaven for me How was Lake Havasu? BTW, I asked someone what the difference between Parker and Lake Havasu is, and they said "Havasu is soooooo much crazier than Parker. Party Central." Sooooooo I'm reallyyyyyyyyyyy not buying the innocent act anymore!! LMAO! The jig is up and ur stone cold busted :) LOL Her/B]: Hey I never said I was a goody two shoes!! I love my Jesus & try my best to follow God but I'm only human. I like to have fun Ur gonna laugh at what I'm doing right now, I'm writing down my life for 2016! Just got new calendar's. Such a planner I am Me: Andddddd she re-directs to another subject...mmmmmmm hmmmmm. Someone has a lot of sh-t to hide! LMAO! :P Her: No way man, I'm an open book! I took the day off to take my son to the dentist. I'm joking around w/her in those texts because she's tried to maintain she's the innocent, perfect person...well, I'm not. I like to joke and have been trying to get her to come out of her shell so that's why I respond like that. Also, my problem with her texts are that she's always reinforcing that she hasn't been on facebook or e-mail and that's why I haven't heard from her and how she's such a planner (hence, me having to wait for her 4-5 weeks to hang out). I just want a normal interaction w/this woman w/o the little white lies and w/o her reinforcing how she is. Frustrating, because in person, we get along very well and mesh together. We text back and forth like normal on the day before or the day we hang out, but any lapse in time in between hanging out results in me saying "hi" to her and her right away, responding with how she hasn't been on facebook or e-mail. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Doesn't sound like a friend worth having or a friendship worth cultivating. Honestly, she sounds like a collassal waste of time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Do your phones not have the dial/speak function? I'd start calling instead of texting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chargersfan Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 Do your phones not have the dial/speak function? I'd start calling instead of texting. I tried that, she doesn't pick up. After, she told me she doesn't like talking on the phone or do technology as a form of communication...and then in our last string of texts, she backtracks and says "I guess technology isn't so bad after all." And when I text her just to say hello, she responds with "haven't been on facebook at all. I'm good. Lets meet up in a month from now." Ummm, huh. But she shows up each time and is nice. Link to post Share on other sites
applej4 Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Doesn't sound like a friend worth having or a friendship worth cultivating. Honestly, she sounds like a collassal waste of time. ^^ THIS. She is too frustrating, she lies, and there are many reasons why I would not bother trying to analyze or understand or change her . Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 When you have a person who is lying for absolutely no reason, that person is probably a chronic liar and you probably don't want to get mixed up with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I'm with Carrie, too much crap already exists w/o trying to build a friendship based on arbitrary lies. I have a pet peeve concerning ppl who lie, cheat, steal, create fake personas, etc. Once in a while something may happen that's a coincidence, but I don't believe in coincidence when there is a perpetual pattern of behavior. Why volunteer a lie? Especially when you didn't question her? Makes no sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chargersfan Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 (edited) Yeah it's strange. Those excuses and lies make me feel stupid, especially since I never asked her about it. She's contradicted herself many times...last time we were texting, to arrange a time to go to dinner, she said "I have to go, my dental patient is here." So I said okay and goodbye. When we see one another the next day, she says that she got to go on pinterest after her lunch and she "pinned away." I said "oh I thought u had a patient right after lunch or something?" and she looked at me, confused and say "no, I never said that." I never understood why she had to add detail to it. Couldnt she just say "I have to go" or "see you tomorrow"? But that was just one of many confusing things she's said, and by then I had started to pay attention. She asked me to send her a facebook request and then left me in limbo for two weeks. When I told her I was gonna cancel it, cuz I didn't wanna make her feel obligated to accept it, she said to send it again because she had to get on her computer to accept it. Mind you, she has the app on her phone and we are communicating through facebook messenger. Another week goes by, and again, she says she has to go onto her computer to accept the request. This time, I can tell that she's messaging me from her computer. When you message on facebook, it will tell you if you're messaging from messenger or through your mobile browser. If it's blank, it means you're messaging from ur computer. So she asked me to send Her the request, doesn't accept it but is messaging me during this time, telling me she has to get on her computer to accept it (when she has the app on her phone) and is messaging me from her computer, Telling me she can't accept the request until she's on a computer...which she is. But she's adamant about me sending it to her. At the time it made no sense. She's kinda ditzy and it seemed like such a bad lie, than maybe when it came to facebook- she was just bad. But with everything together, she just loves to lie. So I don't understand the point for the friendship on her part, even to begin with. She schedules times to hang out, waiting 4-5 weeks even to get together at the mall. All signs point to she never wanted to be my friend (and she never was, apparently) but it's strange because she always shows up, is extremely nice, we get along very well and she comes to my city, about 45 minutes away to hang out. But then the lies. But I don't hear from her either during the 4-5 waiting period to hang out. It just doesn't make any sense. She had me thinking it was me for a while... Edited September 14, 2015 by chargersfan Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I'd just put her in orbit - too much unneeded drama. You did come off a bit passive-aggressive in the exchange in your second post tho. (No need for that either.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author chargersfan Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 I'd just put her in orbit - too much unneeded drama. You did come off a bit passive-aggressive in the exchange in your second post tho. (No need for that either.) Yeah, I'm very sarcastic, but I think I was just tired of the repeated lying. LOL. And tired of having things reinforced to me over the past few months...but my husband read it and said that's "just you." So, oh well, lesson learned (or is it learnt). I probably should have dropped this "friendship" even before that. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 You consider this person a friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author chargersfan Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 You consider this person a friend? No, not really. She keeps calling herself that and has turned things around on me, occasionally, making me feel like I'm the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Want to know how to solve this problem? Stop texting "hello". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author chargersfan Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 Want to know how to solve this problem? Stop texting "hello". LOL, she does the same if I send her a facebook joke or anything else for that matter. It's "hi, I'm good, let's meet in a month from now." Then again, she's said things like "my friends are lucky if they see me 2-3x's a year" and "I can't offer you much of my time." Again, she's said other things that made me think it was me. This is all for a relatively new friendship. She does text, but she lies when I say hello, she lies when she texts me and she says goodbye. Unprompted. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Stop sending her facebook jokes. Honestly, this reads more like a guy and a girl and a guy is trying to date this girl and isn't getting the hints that she keeps blowing him off. You're the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chargersfan Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 Stop sending her facebook jokes. Honestly, this reads more like a guy and a girl and a guy is trying to date this girl and isn't getting the hints that she keeps blowing him off. You're the guy. Oh I completely agree! Link to post Share on other sites
Author chargersfan Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 (edited) But she meets up and is very nice, but she dictates everything to me. "I'll see you in 4-5 weeks, at this day, at this time, and we'll do this. Is that cool?" and I feel like if I said no, that's not cool, then she'd say "I'll see ya in another 4-5 weeks." So when we do text, it's always reinforcing that she's a planner and the lies. BUT on the day of hanging out and the day after, we text back and forth like normal. So, YES, I feel like I'm the girl not getting it. Then she'll message and say "lets meet up" and when we do, we get along very very well and text afterwards, like normal. But then if I say ANYTHING during this time, it goes back to that. But we do text and she does do technology. I'm confused. LOL. Especially the waiting 4-5 weeks. We work down the street from one another, we have Friday's off, we have the same lunch times. She practically gives me an appointment to hang out, then kinda guilts me into understanding why she's that way. And as far as the facebook messaging and texting, in comparison to my other friends, I don't text her anything like I do with other friends that are her age. Maybe every 3 weeks or so, while with my other friends, I hear from them at least 2x's a week. That isn't a problem, of course, but when it's me saying "how was your weekend?" and then she's spouting the excuses, unprompted, I don't get it. I guess there isn't an upside to this. We hang out every 4-5 weeks, we don't talk in between and when we do, she lies and reinforces how she's such a planner and that's the extent of it. But like she said "her friends are lucky to see her 2-3x's per year...if THEY are lucky." Edited September 14, 2015 by chargersfan Link to post Share on other sites
Author chargersfan Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 (edited) Well, that ended awesomely. I just cancelled on her, telling her we'll figure out another time to reschedule (and allow it to just fizzle away), and w/o saying a word, she just unfriended me on Facebook. So there it is. That was fun. Maybe she was going to give me another day and time, 4-5 weeks away Edited September 14, 2015 by chargersfan Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 You are now welcome to post in the break-up section, I think? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author chargersfan Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 You are now welcome to post in the break-up section, I think? LMAO!! You're too funny. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I just cancelled on her, telling her we'll figure out another time to reschedule (and allow it to just fizzle away), and w/o saying a word, she just unfriended me on Facebook. I think you dodged a bullet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author chargersfan Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 I think you dodged a bullet. Thank you! It was weird. My husband always said "that's not a friendship, that's a date!" I don't get her. I really don't. And that's too bad, because we did click, but oh well. I have other friends that don't make me jump through hoops to see them or lie, unprompted. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueBlood Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Oh noes, Facebook unfriended. Hang in there! You can make it! I know you're all torn up inside. Seriously? She sounds like a drain on ones energy. I'd have to go pour myself some chilled champagne and make a promise to not let myself be sucked in by white liars with calander issues again. Congrats on your 'break up'! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author chargersfan Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 LOL! You guys are awesome. I love laughing, even if it's my own expense...I can take it! LOL. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts