Our friendship came out being platonic...but...

[objob1994]

I've posted here previously about my friends' actions. I wasn't sure what they meant, but I do now.

 

Basically, we've been friends for about 3 years but I believe after looking less chubby last summer, she became more attracted to me physically. Around New Year time, she kissed me on the back of my neck quite a few times, but she had a fwb which I didn't want to get involved with. (Feared it could've turned into some love triangle, more on this later).

 

Then, in May, something changed. I'd catch her staring at me on occasions at university parties, but I didn't know what it meant. If it was a random girl, you know straight away what the signs are, but when it's your best friend, I was thinking 'wtf does she want', I never viewed her like that and what's worse, she's having sex with my friend in an fwb...

 

...but once in May, she came over to me and said '---, we wouldn't have sex would we, because that would be weird as you're like a brother to me'. Okay, I said 'yes, it would be weird, but why are we even having this convo...' and walked off.

 

The next time we were out, fwb wasn't there. I was smashed but I know 90% of what I said and was in control of my actions. She came over to me in the club, and told me 'I take back everything I said the other night, I didn't mean any of it. You make me SO happy and I really like you'. I replied, 'I feel the same' and moved in for a kiss, I touched her lips no tongue not knowing what she wanted but she quickly slipped her tongue in and we kissed for almost the whole time we were in the club (2 hours or so). I know this because when we left we had to stop kissing and leave as our friends were going and we needed to get in their cab.

 

It's been 4 months now.

 

I didn't say anything as I've never seriously liked someone and I wanted to make sure what I was feeling was real. She's a very close friend and I don't wanna play about with her. Her fwb has turned into her bf (with significant pressure from our friendship group - I personally believe this: he's been using her as his **** buddy but she wanted more. He has one year of uni left and is trying to keep her around until he graduates next year. He doesn't truly like her like that and that's why he's never seen her as gf material. I don't seriously think a guy needs 2 years to make a fwb a gf if he actually views her as that).

 

Apparently they were unofficially going out when we kissed. I found this info out later in May which further put me off talking to her about it.

 

I eventually felt I got over it because I've moved 200 miles away for work and they're both in our uni town still, how will we work out anyway? But she only has a 1 year job atm, so it could.

 

But then I saw her again last weekend when visiting a friend for a football game. We clicked like there had been no time separation and I realised that I really miss her and more than a friend at that. I really enjoyed that kiss and we could work both from a friendship pov and a relationship pov, I love who she is. She's not the hottest girl in the world, but we have emotional connection which is hard to establish - it took us over 2 years.

 

She's on holiday atm but I really want to give her a call. Oh and a couple things, at the weekend, she really got angry at me calling her 'a mate', she replied, 'I'm not your mate (!)' and we were somehow talking about babies, and she replied 'I could have your babies' and I'm pretty sure she was serious.

 

What should I ask in the call? She'll know it's strange as I never ring her. I want to just ask her if that kiss meant something to her. I want to phrase it in a way which doesn't pressurise her. But at the same time, I don't want to text her.

 

Like I said, I'm starting a new job and new qualification, I'm gonna meet other girls and we probably will become distant, I feel making this move is the only way to protect what we have and I'm pretty sure there's no going back to being 'just friends', would you agree?

 

 

Thanks, sorry it's so long!!

[TaraMaiden2]

I've posted here previously about my friends' actions. I wasn't sure what they meant, but I do now.

 

.....

What should I ask in the call?

 

"Tell me now, while we still have a chance, exactly what it is you want from me.

Because if you don't know now, you never will, and neither will I."

[objob1994]

"Tell me now, while we still have a chance, exactly what it is you want from me.

Because if you don't know now, you never will, and neither will I."

 

Thanks, I'll say something along those lines. I personally think she doesn't believe I'm still interested and it was shrugged off by her friends as a drunken act of mine.

 

But screw it, I feel there's something more solid between us and I know she won't bring it up. I have to do something about it once and for all. It's been on my mind these past few days.

 

The way I think about it, we have to have this chat because the way the friendship's gone, we can't go back to being what we were before. Even if I get a gf and we meet up, there might be some temptation to finish what we never ended, if you get what I mean. So the best thing may be to reduce our communication to a few snapchats every few months.

[objob1994]

"Tell me now, while we still have a chance, exactly what it is you want from me.

Because if you don't know now, you never will, and neither will I."

 

Hi there,

 

I never replied but I did text her that evening/next day and her reply was something along the lines of 'it probably meant something, I don't kiss people randomly', but she never gave a yes or no to whether there was anything more there.

 

I think I did like her but it was fantastic to get it off my chest. I got drunk the next day and the day after that I started a new job.

 

My problem is I'm so busy with work now that I'm not really getting great opportunities to meet more young professionals.

 

I've almost ceased all contact with her but she'll try and message me every couple of weeks, and I do respond as I'm not a rude fellow.

 

But part of me feels she does still like/miss me but finds it hard to tell me and it's only going to get harder. She is in an official relationship now and lives 200 miles away on a 1 year internship - she may stay there, who knows. She was in my area over xmas but she's still 60 miles away and I haven't had the time to leave my city to see her. She asked me if I was free this week but I've been too busy and when it became apparent that I won't be able to see her this holiday, she seemed a bit disappointed.

 

I thought that would be that.

 

But then on NYE just before midnight she messaged me a happy new year message with four faces blowing kisses and saying my name. Now you might say this is just friendly but even a female I'm only friends with would just put 'xx' or blow a single kiss. Four seemed a bit much. And as she attached my name to it, I know it wasn't messaging the wrong person. This isn't behaviour of someone who is in a satisfied relationship and has moved on is it?

 

I obviously still care about her to an extent which is why I'm posting this but with the distance, our friendship has also become less close and intense. I'm not someone who like e-friendships - I need to see you to be close to you. Just looking for your thoughts, thanks.

[todreaminblue]

"Tell me now, while we still have a chance, exactly what it is you want from me.

Because if you don't know now, you never will, and neither will I."

 

perfect words....on repeat for emphasis

[preraph]

I'd have a simple short conversation with her and explain that you care too much about her to move in on her while she's still seeing other guys. Hint, hint, come see me when you are free and ready to date.

[objob1994]

I'd have a simple short conversation with her and explain that you care too much about her to move in on her while she's still seeing other guys. Hint, hint, come see me when you are free and ready to date.

 

But I don't know maybe she is happy with the guy she's with? I wouldn't want her to think I haven't moved on and she might think I'm really attached and that just might inflate her ego tbh.

 

Like I said, distance has become a factor but I'm just wondering if in those messages she was hinting something. Tbh I'm getting a bit sick of her not being direct. I like straightforward people, and I am getting less and less attached to her.

 

The sooner I sort my lifestyle out the quicker I can fit more social time in and the quicker I can move on. I just hope she's happy and isn't wanting more from me

[anika99]

But I don't know maybe she is happy with the guy she's with? I wouldn't want her to think I haven't moved on and she might think I'm really attached and that just might inflate her ego tbh.

 

Like I said, distance has become a factor but I'm just wondering if in those messages she was hinting something. Tbh I'm getting a bit sick of her not being direct. I like straightforward people, and I am getting less and less attached to her.

 

The sooner I sort my lifestyle out the quicker I can fit more social time in and the quicker I can move on. I just hope she's happy and isn't wanting more from me

 

I don't think there's any chance of this friendship becoming more. You are both more in love with the pain of being apart then you are in love with each other. You guys enjoy the tragic unrealized love aspect and that's why neither one of you say what you really mean. You are annoyed that she won't be direct with you but when someone suggests you be direct with her, you worry that may inflate her ego.

[objob1994]

I don't think there's any chance of this friendship becoming more. You are both more in love with the pain of being apart then you are in love with each other. You guys enjoy the tragic unrealized love aspect and that's why neither one of you say what you really mean. You are annoyed that she won't be direct with you but when someone suggests you be direct with her, you worry that may inflate her ego.

 

Do you think there's something more there bubbling under the surface which we just aren't discussing or am I imagining things?

 

Like for example, that New Years text, it was just a normal friendly thing was it?

 

If you believe there is something more then hopefully I will talk to her next time she is down, face to face and only then will I know if there is anything else. If I sense that she is happy I will not pursue anything any further or even think about her as anything more than a friend. I appreciate your opinion as I'm very confused atm.