DC77 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I've been having a hell of a time lately regathering all of my stuff from multiple sources! I have an ex who says he will get me my stuff back. Though I've given him the option of leaving everything in the mailbox or by the door, he insists on giving it to me; when he finds time. I don't know what he's playing but it's annoying... More concerning, I went on a big week long camping trip on a river in July with a bunch of friends. I live thousands of miles away, but still have a storage unit back where these friends are. The only way I could make the trip work was to have a friend pick stuff up out of storage so I could fly direct to where we were going. This "friend" promised she would get the stuff and also get it put back in storage. She managed to pick everything up and we made the trip work. I'm back home now and it's been almost 2 months now! She still hasn't returned my stuff to storage. We're talking a couple $k in gear. That's just laying in her dirty garage. I've been texting and calling and it's like pulling teeth to get a hold of her. And when I do get a hold of her it's always some sob story about why she hasn't been able to take care of it. Never enough time boo hoo. (Although Facebook would show otherwise!). The world is so cruel boo hoo...I've even paid her! I'm getting pissed and annoyed. She has lost all trust and integrity in my book. But I feel like I have to walk a thin line because my complete lack of control from being so far away(flying out there just isn't an option right now) and because of social circles. This woman has a reputation and can make life hell within the group. So I feel stuck! But am I overreacting?? (I have contacted a mutual friend to see if she can at least get my stuff safely back to storage but haven't heard back yet) Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 You aren't over-reacting. It's a rotten thing for your friend to do but until you are there again there probably isn't much you can do. Expensive lesson learned. I suppose if you really wanted to pour kerosene on this situation you could call the police, explain how she came into possession of the stuff but failed to return it & ask if you can file criminal charges. Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Not gonna give you my whole story, but my Ex and I had a bad falling out. All my stuff was at her house, I moved back home to recover (1700 miles), but we never reconciled after that. She has about $10,000 worth of my belongings. My Ex made it pretty clear to me that those things belonged to her now and that she'd make it as difficult as possible for me to get anything back. I know your pain, oh do I know it. I decided it was just stuff, fine keep it. She can think of me when she's getting screwed by her new BF on my bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DC77 Posted September 1, 2015 Author Share Posted September 1, 2015 Wow, that sounds like an awful situation. And one of the types that would warrant legal intervention... Fortunately, I don't see the need for such drastic measures at this point. Neither have told me absolutely no, they weren't giving me back my stuff. I'm not sure what my ex is up to holding on to stuff until he decides he has time, but I wouldn't put it past him that it's a little power trip and way to punish me for walking out. At this point I'm pretty ambivalent about it... The gear on the other hand is another story. Much of it is custom or special order because I'm petite. So it's not quite as easy to replace. And she's doing it out of sheer bitchy laziness, while lying to me. If you're going to woe as me about getting out of work late every single day, maybe you shouldn't post that you left work early to go play... I suppose I would expect more from a friend, especially one in her 40s. I won't be calling cops or exacerbating the situation. I wouldn't want her to destroy anything. And as I mentioned, she has a reputation. My activity circle/club is a pretty interwoven community. It would cause way too much drama... Yes, lesson is being learned. Seems like trust and consideration are dying novelties these days. It's too bad. Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 While it would be ideal to have trustworthy friends who will treat your stuff as well as they would their own, this sounds to me like a lesson in not placing the fate of your belongings in other people's hands. They say that loaning friends money is a quick way to get rid of them. I would venture that next on that list would be entrusting them with expensive equipment that you have no way of securing for yourself. The situation sucks, definitely. But haranguing your friend by text from long distance will only alienate her and doesn't help you get what you want. If the stuff really isn't safe in her garage, go pick it up asap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DC77 Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 Really? Trustworthiness in a friend is only an ideal? That's sad. If I can't trust someone as a friend I really don't see the point in maintaining a friendship with that person. That's just me. It may not make for a big group of friends, but I keep the ones who are quality. Yes it does suck. But I'm not in a position where I can just drop a couple grand to fly out for a weekend and she's taking full advantage of that. It has also been pointed out to me that she likes to play the martyr and the victim. And it makes sense. It's a form of power and manipulation she apparently holds over her "friends". She'll go out of her way to do something nice, but expect forever gratitude, exaltation, and repayment. That's not what doing something nice is about. Regardless, I thanked her multiple times on the trip and paid my gratitude. I thanked her again after the trip and even gave her money for the inconvenience. I gave her double gas money plus money for beer and/or dinner. I even left her with special coffee and chocolates out of appreciation. Yet she whines about feeling underappreciated. I'm not going to forever kiss her ass. Period. The woman is over 40 and a piece of work. If I alienate her for standing up to her and calling her out, so be it. I've gotten in touch with an old friend that will regulate the situation and retrieve my stuff. She won't be able to push him around or pull ****. And he will involve the police if it becomes necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Really? Trustworthiness in a friend is only an ideal? That's sad. If I can't trust someone as a friend I really don't see the point in maintaining a friendship with that person. I guess I was being a bit too diplomatic. My point wasn't really that one shouldn't insist on trustworthiness in their friends. It was that if you place your belongings in the hands of someone you don't trust, it's kind of on you. No amount of harassing a flaky person will change the fact that they are flaky. But this, I've gotten in touch with an old friend that will regulate the situation and retrieve my stuff. This sounds like an excellent solution to the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
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