Feeling insecure and lonely

[HansonGirl]

Sometimes do you ever feel lonely and insecure about whether the people you call you a friend? I would have liked to think I am friends with this coworker. I came in on the weekend, and it was me, and just one other lady in the whole office. Later I heard him come in, and he spoke for a good ten minutes to the lady. I consider him a friend even outside of work. I was expecting him to (at least) pop his head in and say hi. but he never did. I was already feeling insecure about this friendship so I didn't go say hi to him. I waited to see if he was ever going to come say hi. So i left feeling pretty hurt. I know he knew that I was in the office for 2 reasons. So it's not that he didn't realize I was there

 

I don't know. Maybe i'm just really sensitive right now. But the fact that somebody can't even acknowledge my presence. somebody I actually considered a friend outside of work. I just felt like crap. I wonder if he hates me.

 

I'm not saying come talk to me for an hour or be best friends. just say hi, how are you? or poke your head in and say, oh hey how's it going.

[LuckyLady13]

Do you even realize that he could've been thinking:

 

But the fact that somebody can't even acknowledge my presence. somebody I actually considered a friend outside of work.

 

I'm not saying come talk to me for an hour or be best friends. just say hi, how are you? or poke your head in and say, oh hey how's it going.

 

I feel like I'm stating the obvious here but don't just stand there, get upset and/or insulted and go home all bummed out without saying a word to a "friend" of yours. If you keep ignoring people and expecting them to always come to you, you will always be a lonely person.

 

Friendships are 50/50. YOU have to step up and put your 50% in. If you want to have friends, that is.

 

I'm a highly social person and I see friendships like a game of baseball in the respect that I always have to go up to bat eventually and swing at the ball myself. I can't expect my friends to go up to bat for me all the time. We're a team. They swing at the ball and then it's my turn.

 

A pitch was thrown at you and you didn't even swing your bat!

 

If I were your friend, I'd be really insulted...

 

[HansonGirl]

I feel like I'm stating the obvious here but don't just stand there, get upset and/or insulted and go home all bummed out without saying a word to a "friend" of yours. If you keep ignoring people and expecting them to always come to you, you will always be a lonely person.

 

Friendships are 50/50. YOU have to step up and put your 50% in. If you want to have friends, that is.

 

I'm a highly social person and I see friendships like a game of baseball in the respect that I always have to go up to bat eventually and swing at the ball myself. I can't expect my friends to go up to bat for me all the time. We're a team. They swing at the ball and then it's my turn.

 

A pitch was thrown at you and you didn't even swing your bat!

 

If I were your friend, I'd be really insulted...

 

 

I was expecting a response like this. But the thing is I am always going to say hi to him, always initiating contact with him. that's why i feel particularly insecure about this friendship. The last time he came in on a saturday, I was the one who said hi to him. And it's not about keeping score. but he arrived after I was already there, so he would've popped his head in when he arrived, right after that 10 minute conversation with that other lady. it seemed weird for me to go say hi to him and I would not have been opposed to it, if i didnt already feel insecure about this friendship

 

and what was the pitch that was sent my way? i think it was sent his way, since he saw me there, so he knew I was there before I'd know he was there. For all I know, he was actively AVOIDING saying hi to me. maybe he didnt WANT me to say hi.

[La.Primavera]

I'm sorry, it feels horrible when you feel ignored and rejected by someone. I think you are right that you are probably just feeling sensitive right now and that it isn't anything to worry about.

 

It was probably just an oversight on his part, not intentional.

[skier10]

I don't know your coworkers personality but I am an introvert and sometimes, for whatever reason, just don't talk to people that I know, even that I'm friends with. Consciously I should at the very least acknowledge them but sometimes I just don't for no good reason (its a problem).

 

If this kind of behavior persists and he's just a friend there is really nothing wrong with going over to his office and talking to him. If something still feels off just ask "are we good?" or something like that, you should be able to get a clue no matter what he says. A lot of **** like this between friend is some sort of miscommunication.

 

I hope this helps...

[LuckyLady13]

and what was the pitch that was sent my way?

 

He walked in the door.

 

Do you know how nice it is to have a friendly face greet you when you walk in a door to let you know someone actually is happy to see you? Real nice!

 

However, you said you're already insecure about this friendship. My best advice to you is be friendly.

 

The person he talked to for 10 minutes? Sound like they have a good rapport. People are responsive to someone who seems available and willing to be a friend. You weren't acting very available.

 

Don't wither like a dying flower on someone when you start feeling insecure. Break yourself out of your shell and be friendly, say hello. Otherwise, if this was just an oversight on his part and this was your response, you're giving him the impression that you don't actually want to be friends. And that will start driving him away, you will feel even more insecure and get yourself stuck in a vicious circle.

 

Everything I said I mean with the best intentions to help you. I don't want you to be upset and feeling insecure and like your friend doesn't like you or something. That's not a good way to feel.

 

Having friends takes a lot of effort and I even have my days when it feels so hard or something. It's actually not but when I'm exhausted or have something weighing heavy on my mind, I don't feel like talking to my friends. I discipline myself well to talk to them anyway. And every single one of my friends says the same thing about me - "you're my best friend!"

[Qboro90]

Sometimes do you ever feel lonely and insecure about whether the people you call you a friend? I would have liked to think I am friends with this coworker. I came in on the weekend, and it was me, and just one other lady in the whole office. Later I heard him come in, and he spoke for a good ten minutes to the lady. I consider him a friend even outside of work. I was expecting him to (at least) pop his head in and say hi. but he never did. I was already feeling insecure about this friendship so I didn't go say hi to him. I waited to see if he was ever going to come say hi. So i left feeling pretty hurt. I know he knew that I was in the office for 2 reasons. So it's not that he didn't realize I was there

 

I don't know. Maybe i'm just really sensitive right now. But the fact that somebody can't even acknowledge my presence. somebody I actually considered a friend outside of work. I just felt like crap. I wonder if he hates me.

 

I'm not saying come talk to me for an hour or be best friends. just say hi, how are you? or poke your head in and say, oh hey how's it going.

 

Sounds to me like you have feelings for this guy that are more than just friends and are feeling jealous and insecure about things when he doesn't talk to you.

[HansonGirl]

Sounds to me like you have feelings for this guy that are more than just friends and are feeling jealous and insecure about things when he doesn't talk to you.

I sort of do. You are right. I have mixed feelings though. I am confused. I dont know what to do? (But i still think if he should have said hi if we were supposedly friends)

[PaperCrane]

Hi Hanson,

 

He picks up on you a bit with your mixed feelings. We all do at some level. When this is on the table...dynamics change. There is a tension and moreover you are confused. The vibe given off by this is a uncomfortable one, not bad persay but different.

 

What can you do? Well, if you have mixed feelings that usually means you do have them but there's a block on you somewhere. Usually fear of rejection or if it's worth the risk.

 

You two work together and things have already started. If you have feelings now, and if they go unresolved they will most likely be there for awhile or much longer. If you do try and date, and it goes south that can make work even harder.

 

My advice? Go for it. Be a bit bold about the whole thing. The stigma on men in the workplace chasing women can be harsh. He may like you as well, ever think that? Maybe he didn't say hi because he didn't feel he looked good...or maybe he didn't want to give you attention because you do see each other outside of work and this one other person would overhear your conversation and see it correctly/wrongly.

 

Everyone obsesses over how things start rather than maintaining them and we all end up with missed chances because of that.

 

Does he give you butterflies? Did you stomach whoopsie daisy when he came in? Do you think about if he's a good kisser or not?

 

If you answered yes, just be brave and ask him on a date.

 

Also a little hint, 9/10 guys that are straight only hang out with women they see romantic potential with or at least find attractive. So there's that. If not, you still have a friend and your question is answered. If you guys don't stay friends, then the veil is lifted and no longer is any stress left on you.