Being friends with my ex

[amkxoxo]

So my ex and I had a complicated past. We went steady, as he calls it, for a few months, then were long distance, but not really together, but then when we would see each other in person the chemistry was there and sometimes we would act on it, but he wouldn't commit to me. He preached to me how his life wasn't in a great place and he didn't know where he was going and he had nothing to offer me etc... I have heard this time and time again from him. He used to tell me I was perfect, and someone he could really see himself with in the long run. He doesn't go out and see other woman either, so it wasn't that he just wanted me for some side thing. I was the only thing for a while.

 

Eventually since we both graduated college and moved back to our perspective hometowns, we stopped talking. I contacted him once when I was near his house on a trip, but our plans fell through.

 

This year though I moved back to my college town, and a few months later he contacted me to tell me he was moving here too. Now we live in the same town. I never thought that would ever happen. I have dated many guys since, but I little part of me felt it was fate for us to end up in the same place again. Maybe this was our second chance.

 

We finally made plans. He is a bad planner and doesn't like to initiate plans. I settled our plan and I went over to his new place to hangout. He made us drinks, since he is a bartender and we ate snacks and caught up with each others lives. The alcohol kicked in and I probably told him a little more than I was supposed to. Our chemistry was back right away. By the end of the night neither one of us was good enough to drive me home. We ended up in his bedroom, making out on his bed like old times.

 

Since we had history and we jumped back to things so quickly. We talked about us and what happened in the past. I started tearing up because I told him stuff I never said before. I asked him that if I was so perfect and great for him, then why did he let me go? Why did he let me go to be with others?

 

He again gave me all the mumbo jumbo about him getting his life together etc etc... He even was saying how he might up and leave at some point and move away. He isn't happy with his life and he works so much. Working to me isn't an excuse. I dated a guy who worked a ton, and even if he got off at 8 or 9pm, he would insist on taking me to dinner in his spare time or seeing me on a lunch break, just to be able to see me.

 

I realized at this point that he and I were friends. I have now been casually dating someone else. I had a huge party and all my friends, my new guy, and my ex were there. My new guy wasn't happy about it, but my ex and I were just friendly.

 

I texted him this past weekend to try and make plans with him. I figured it would be nice to catch up. He agreed. I started throwing out days and times that he could come over.

 

He told me when he was free. I eventually said "How about Wednesday at 6pm?"

 

Now he and I had been going back and forth before this, and suddenly I get no response. Its been days now with no response. Its Tuesday.

 

Now I have friends and my new guy wanting to make plans for tomorrow and I can't tell them yes or no.

 

So I texted my ex and outright told him "Hey you never responded to my message about Wednesdays plan, and I just kind of need to know since I have friends asking me to do things."

 

It was straightforward and true. He responds a little while later with " I have it open, but if you want to make plans with your other friends that is fine, I'm not going anywhere just yet."

 

I figure that must allude to his possibly moving in the future. I don't get him. I don't understand why he won't commit to just a simple plan. Say, yes or no to coming over. Its so annoying. I don't know if I should keep the plan with him, or if I should just make plans with my friends??

[La.Primavera]

Honestly, I think you should forget about your ex and move on before you ruin things with this new guy. Your ex doesn't treat you with respect and continues to mess around with your head. He isn't willing to commit to a meeting let alone a future with you. He is all over the place, not knowing if he is staying or going. I know that isn't what you want to hear but I think you need to hear it because he will continue to do this as long as you let him. You will be the one who is left hurting, not him. He isn't good friendship material let alone boyfriend material.

 

The guy you are currently seeing is already aware something isn't quite right which is why he wasn't happy that your ex was at the party. If you care about him or yourself for that matter, ditch the ex. Make plans with your friends and have fun.