I'm not sure what to say back to her?

[lilmiscassie92]

I know I posted this before, but I didn't get much response on this situation. Plus, she also wrote me back today. I apologize if this is lengthy.

 

So this past year I moved to the other side of town where I have a friend who lives about 15 minutes from my apartment. She used to be about a 40 minute drive before I moved. We met a couple of years ago, and she was always very eager to hang out. We met on meetup, btw. I was going to school at the time and she doesn't have a car, so I wouldn't come up to visit very often.

 

However, this past year she has been very different. We don't talk as often, and she doesn't really answer her phone when I call. I tried confronting her about it but she didn't see the problem and said she is always the one who asks to hangout. It didn't really go anywhere so I decided to just diffuse the situation. I also found out a few months ago that she has been on antidepressants. She never really eats anymore, and she has lost a lot of weight as well. When we do hang out we have fun, but she has expressed that she is lonely and I am her only friend her age. I don't really have a lot of girl friends, especially on this side of town. Plus we do typically have fun when we hang out, so I haven't been quick to cut her off. Our friendship is just different now, whereas before we would message each other on Facebook during the day and sometimes chat on the phone, whereas she never seems to answer her phone now.

 

I'm not sure what to do. We had plans a couple of weeks ago to hang out, and she cancelled on me last minute without giving an explanation and abruptly stopped replying. I tried calling/texting when I was in the area to grab a lunch or hangout, and she never even replied. Today she sent me a text doing a 180 saying "sorry I've been incognito. I miss you! I go back to work Thursday, let's hangout." I get that we all have stuff, but I alternate between day and night hours at my hotel job, and I also am in the middle of applying to grad schools. I also am financially independent from my parents and have a lot of responsibilities many of my friends are fortunate enough not to have. The point is, I like to make the most of my time off. I've tried lending an ear and asked if things were okay but she says everything is good. I replied back saying "Hey I get things happen, but no matter how stressed/busy I get I try to at least reply back to people to let them know what's going on." and she just said I know sorry, and is trying to change the subject.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm don't know what kind of responses you received so I'm not sure what I have to say will be much different or even helpful but...

 

The bottom line is you can't really do anything about this or her for that matter. Her indifference is annoying, I'll give you that especially when you there is a noticeable decline between then and now.

 

Given that she's on antidepressants and how many times you've attempted to check in with her, show concern, confront her and she continues to deny there's an issue or rebuffs help, I would say you really only have two options; either accept the fact that this is how things are going to be with her or end the friendship.

 

Friendship, just like any relationship, takes two people to make it work. We've all had friendships with people who prefer to have relationships on their terms for whatever reason. Not exactly the best kind of friendships but they are what they are.

 

It's up to you whether or not that's good enough for you.

 

Good luck.

Edited August 10, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle

[shylane]

Sounds like your friend has some issues that she would rather have remain private. There's no reason for you to feel rejected or take it personally, and it's up to her if and when she may confide what's really going on.

 

I would stop calling and inviting, and put that friendship in limbo - if she gets thru her funk and hits you up for a visit and fun, then accept! If she doesn't call you, then just let it go. New people who are reliable and appreciative are waiting to meet you and make friends!