rajrao Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 I would like to get some insight on my situation to see if I need to change my attitude or life style or if the way am living right now seems to be fine. Let me start off by explaining my personality before I get into my questions. Am a 29 old year female person who has always been very studious(or I should say, enjoying with friends/socializing was never my cup of tea). Even when I was in college, I very rarely had any friends to begin with. Even if I had any friend, it would just be more of casual hi-by friendship but nothing beyond that. I tend to be more of a practical person who firmly believes in the principle of "Friend in need is a friend in deed" but I don't trust/care to spend my time on friends who are just name sake kind of friends. Now I'd started working and all I do is to work all the time. Even after I get out of work, I can't go to sleep if I don't spend time on my computer working. Guess I get stressed out if I don't work, thinking about all the things that aren't working my way: am still single, family problems etc. So instead, I tend to spend my time working so I forget all my problems and don't stress out. I feel like am an independent woman who likes to go shopping on my own, get things done on my own, and watch movies or go for a long drive in my free time and I just felt never like I am missing hanging out with friends. But I don't seem to understand what's the problem that my friends have with me. Whenever I meet someone, all they have to say is why don't you socialize? Why don't you hang out with friends some time? What do u do all weekend, I mean why don't you mingle with anyone? I am very very picky when it comes to friends, I know for sure that they don't meet my definition of "friends", besides our mind sets are so very different, so I prefer not getting too close to any of them. I mean seriously, what's their problem how is that bothering them anyway? Why don't people understand that each person has their own style of living /definition of term "enjoying", and just because someone finds hanging out with friends is very entertaining/enjoyable, it doesn't mean the whole world has to feel the same way? And why the hell do they care about about me not mingling with other people?Do they just lack in maturity or am I over reacting? Or should I be changing my attitude just because someone is complaining about me not being a social bug? Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 If you don't like friends, then why do you want them? Usually loners enjoy being alone. Maybe they ask because they don't understand your logic or motivates. Do you enjoy being single? Are you happy with how your life is? Link to post Share on other sites
StalwartMind Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 Actually none of what you write sounds ludicrous, I can more than understand all you write. Truthfully, many people don't understand others who have different views from their own. In my mind there is no right or wrong way to live life. We all come from different families, backgrounds, countries and so on, and all this will influence us somewhat in how we perceive life and all that it includes. In certain parts of the world you may grow up with very close minded people around you, if you don't have the ability to question things, you will probably just continue that tradition. However there will always be moments where someone has a child, who has the curiosity and will want to explore things outside their current environment. This will not always fall into the liking of the people around you, and again that's based on people having adopted a belief, that the way they live is the "only correct" way. You can apply this mentality to so many things today, including how friends expect other friends to act and be. I think many people fear to be judged by others, as they don't want their interests to be considered strange or weird. This certainly explains why many people don't feel comfortable around things that aren't to their own preference. This in itself may not be anything new, and most of us experience it daily where someone has a conflicting view compared to our own. If you are happy with your life and how you live it, there is no reason to change or include things that won't enhance that experience. Maintaining friendships and relationships takes up time and energy, I prefer giving people all of me, and I already know I couldn't maintain a large group of friends, since I'd never be able to give them all as much I'd wish. Link to post Share on other sites
futureglory263 Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 hey there! i don't believe that your friends are trying to be demeaning or condescending, but it might sound like they don't truly understand how you feel. We all have different personalities...many people like to socialize with other people, to hang out out, etc and because they enjoy it so much, they just can't understand how others can't feel the same way. Because they don't feel the same way at all, (and probably because most of their friends are just like them) perhaps it is difficult for them to empathize with you. So I understand how you may feel slighted when they keep asking you about your plans and the incredulous responses that they may get when you tell them that you are the sort to keep to yourself. No, I don't think you're overreacting! But, even though it's difficult getting the same concerns/questions/criticisms etc. thrown at you all the time, maybe it might be helpful to have a positive attitude about it? Like for me, every time I see family/older relatives at regular gatherings, our conversations seem to lead to the same point..so are you getting married yet? have you found that special person? etc. It's a question I would dread, and I used to get very resentful when they would keep asking me about it. Yet, even though I'm still no longer closer to that goal, I've changed my attitude about it. Instead of reacting negatively, I now say things like "No, I'm still single, but if you know anyone you can set me up with...?" Or, "No, I'm still not married but I'm really trying to change that.. please say a prayer for me!" FWIW, I think that your friends have good (albeit misunderstood) intentions. I think that if you try and look at it this way, it would be easier to have a positive response to their concerns, criticisms, etc. at the same time being able to explain to them that you simply don't feel the same way. And that's okay =) Link to post Share on other sites
Author rajrao Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Thank you all for the responses. I've told them several times that I like being to myself and maintaining schedules for my sleep, weekends etc. And am not into late night partying, spending time playing games etc. but they keep doing the same thing of asking why I don't mingle with people. I would have been totally fine if this question was brought up once but they just make it sound like as though am committing a big crime and treat me as though I have some psychological problem.Why do they hate that I don't give them company doing something which I really don't enjoy. Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Friends are not all that they are cracked up to be, in my experience. When my 'best friend' and I have gotten together, I've been bored much of the time, beyond our college years. It's just not the same, and we just don't have as much in common. I'd rather just do things alone, or with new people I meet and coworkers. I'm 30 years old and I've pretty much cut ties with most of my so called friends because I think I'm going through a phase of growth and I just need to do this alone. If I find people whose company I enjoy, so be it, but I'm not going to be friends with people who are more annoying than fun. I wouldn't worry about those making suggestions that you mingle. They probably have good intentions and from their view, they might not understand how you could be happy doing things alone. You don't need to justify your way of life to anyone. Most people, from what I can tell, are surface friends anyway. True, solid, and lasting friendship, is rare... even the one friend I mention who I'm supposedly best friends with (cutting ties with now after 10+ yrs), like I said, it wasn't that great in recent years. It was just ok. I preferred talking to him on the phone about life than actually meeting up with him and doing things in person. So... nothing is what it seems. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rajrao Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 Nice!! Exactly how I would want to live my life :-) Not having to maintain friendships just because I have to. Link to post Share on other sites
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