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I hate my best friends boyfriend


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Now I know this may seem a little weird but he's not awful or trouble or anything remotely bad, in fact he's really great and nice and he's really good for my best friend so it makes little sense that I would hate him, but I do.

 

But for this to make any sense, you will need a little background.

 

I grew up with almost no family except for my two older brothers. Both of my parents are drug addicts / alcoholics and they were never around so for much of my childhood it was just me and my brothers.

 

6 years ago, I moved in with my grandparents, as far away from my parents as possible and started a new life. In this new life I made a friend, the first real friend I've ever had and ever since then we've been virtually inseparable.

 

And while I love her very much, I've always secretly envied how perfectly normal and great her family is.

 

So anyway, during the past 6 years, I somehow practically became a part of her family - going on holidays with them, staying at their house for weeks on end, grocery shopping with them - even to the point where her mum started jokingly calling me her second child and they stopped asking if I was coming with them and just assumed I would be.

 

For the first time in my life, I felt like I wasn't a burden and I had a family who loved me and were perfectly, boringly normal.

 

And now that's all gone and it's because my best friend started going out with this guy and I can't help but hate him for it, even though I don't want to. He's really nice and my friend loves him and he loves her and they're totally adorable but I don't go the dinner with them anymore - he does. I don't go with them on holidays anymore - he does. I don't go grocery shopping anymore because he does.

 

Basically, I feel like he's stolen my spot and I f*cking hate him for it. I don't know what to do because it's not something I have the power to change but I feel so alone all of the time even though I have a family of my own and I love them more than anything in the world.

 

I just don't know what to do..

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Are you seeing anyone? It would be nice if you had a boyfriend so the 4 of you could double date. That's alot of fun.

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You don't hate him. You hate the fact that he takes up your friend's attention & she has less time to spend with you. You feel lonely & displaced but you can change that.

 

I don't understand why you can't go grocery shopping or eat with them. Of course you can still do those things.

 

Talk to your friend. Tell her how happy you are that she found a great guy but do mention that you are feeling 2nd best & ask if you two can do something just the two of you.

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I'm glad you are lucid about why this has affected you so extremely. Not everyone understands why they feel a certain way about things like that. But now that you know, and know that it is illogical and unfair, it is your duty to act accordingly and not let yourself be destructive by acting out on your impulses here. You can certainly make known you are missing her and wouldn't mind going along once in awhile, but certainly not ever boyfriend will be up for that. If you do go, make it brief and get out of their way.

 

It's understandable you've become so attached and I'm happy you found a good person to you can be friends with having come from such a tough family. But you must let her go on about the normal course of her life. Use this time to maybe take a night class or pick up a new hobby or pastime, and venture out and do some things you enjoy doing alone, like going to a museum or the zoo so that when you do next talk to your friend, you have fun things to report so that you're not just sitting around waiting for her to help you enjoy life. You can enjoy many things on your own. I do it all the time. So go out and have fun, and that will make you more vital and interesting to people in general and her in particular. Good luck.

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casey.lives

friendships are not set in stone. You were not family, no matter how you put it. the male and female relationship will always be of greater importance because children can be birthed out of it. friendships come and go too..

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Awww..I feel for you OP. I think it's always hard to when a close friend becomes distant but especially hard for you as were sort of adopted by the whole family. I also think you should talk to your friend about how you are feeling but don't do it in an accusatory way as that might make her become defensive and then the conversation will go downhill fast. Just let her know that you miss doing things with her and her family. Obviously you can't tag along with her and her bf for everything but I don't see why she can't still have you over for dinner and the occasional day out.

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I have actually found my girlfriends to be most enduring in my life, so I know it is sad to see one slip away. But hopefully she'll be back. Don't do anything rash. Be reasonable.

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your grandparents were your family so do not feel rejected, though understandably you wanted to be with your best friend as much as possible

 

i had a bad start in life too, we get a fair few offers of joining in others' families, some bossy, some disapproving, one nice one short-term, one offer every few years, christmas invites...

 

their quasi-children

 

i think you should get a relationship of your own, a remove from the spaghetti that your childhood was, takes time, but you get there in the end

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You should find a friend whom can tag along with you so y'all can be all chill when y'all all go out.

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