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Co-worker...


honestanswers

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honestanswers

Guys, please help me with your thoughts. I have a co-worker whom I also relate with as a friend. She had an issue with her car sometime around May ending. She asked that I drop her off by the road on my way home; but considering that she was having difficulty getting someone to pick her up from there I decided to drive her to her home which is completely off my route. I also noticed she was making arrangement for a new car. So, I sent her this text after the third night I dropped her off. "Hey miss... , U don't need to worry about going home d days we work d same shift. I'll be glad to take u home until u fix ur car."

 

So the issue now is that, the stress of dropping her off 5X a week is beginning to tell on me. Besides, I'm currently running my graduate program while I work full time. Sometimes, I have piles of assignment waiting for me. I'm really trying to manage my income, but these days I find myself spending more money on gas. I believe in helping people regardless of whether I think they deserve it or not, that's why I wanted to be there for... I was also hoping she was going to go for the car she was making arrangement for. I even advised her to consider fixing her old car instead of going into debt in order to get a new car.

 

So, one month is turning into two and from all indications it doesn't look like she's prioritizing having a car like she was doing earlier. If she lives close by, I wouldn't mind giving her a ride for as long as we work together; but I'm getting tired of the long drive... from our office, it takes longer to get to her place than to mine and I still have to drive another14mins after dropping her. I'm thinking of politely pulling away from this commitment; just wondering how best to let her know... if possible to avoid offending her.

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Say, Hey, when you getting that new car? My schedule is starting to get too tight to keep picking you up in about two weeks.

 

You have to say something. Be nice and casual about it. After all she did tell you she was working on getting a car. Give her 2 weeks to find another way.

 

That's the most honest way. But also, if you happen to have vacation time coming you could tell her you're driving out of town for a vacation and that would force her to find another ride too.

Edited by preraph
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whichwayisup

She never once offered you gas money?

 

She is taking advantage of your kindness and it's gone on for too long. Stop giving her rides. She has to fix her car or get another one! This isn't your problem yet she's made it yours because she thinks of you as her chauffeur! That has to stop.

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^ I agree with this, but if he makes money the issue, she will just offer to pay him and then he'll still be stuck doing it. So best to let that go, I thought.

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honestanswers

Actually, she's a young woman. The one that almost grate on my nerves last week's Saturday was when I noticed my car tire was damaged on the freeway. I managed to drive it down to the Property where we work, called AAA, they said they don't sell new tires. I tried all the autoshops around but none was open because of July 4th event. So, later someone that looked at it told me that if I drive slowly and carefully through the streets instead of freeways the tire can still make it to my place. I decided to do just that so I can park the car in my garage and possibly get it fixed later or another day depending on how soon I find an open autotire shop.

 

This young woman saw everything and after work I still took time to tell her to take care that I'm leaving to go find a way to fix my car problem. As I got to my car in the parking lot, I realized she was coming after me. She was like, "let me just follow you down to where the road that leads to my place part with yours." I said oh k. Then she was like can I drive to that point? I let her drive; but then at some point she took a different route. When I told her you are supposed to go straight. She was like, don't worry this is still going through the streets and I'll show you how to go to your place... I was disappointed, but something in me kept whispering, "be patient." So she drove straight to Target Mall where her sister and kids were already waiting for her.

 

No, whichwayisup, she has never offered gas money before. Since she doesn't have the discretion to do so, I thought asking her to help out with gas money is a waste of time based on my experience of her self-centered selfish tendencies. For instance, I can recall quite a number of times when I've done things like: got lunch for two and gave her one, got her a bottle of perf just because she admire the fragrance on me, noticed her worried about her son's recent misbehavior and bought books on, How to make wise choices as a teenager," and gave her to give him... and a few other things I don't have to mention. Well, I'm not expecting her to pay me back, but on few occasions she's going to where they sell something I need, I make sure I give her the money to help me buy what I want. Thrice, I've begged her to get me a particular lips gloss for $2 while she was at a mall that had it on sale for that price. She didn't, because according to her, she kept forgetting.

 

Another time, I didn't have my wallet...I asked if she could get me a snicker candy when she announced that she was going to the vending machine to buy things; she came back from the door and asked for a dollar to buy me the candy. So as I was explaining that I didn't have my wallet because I forgot to move it from the bag I used last night, a colleague pulled out his wallet and gave her a dollar to buy me the candy. Besides, like preraph said, if I even succeeded in getting her to contribute money for gas, that will give her the right to keep using me. I just want to tactfully stop and if possible take a break from such relationships.

Edited by honestanswers
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Okay, well, with this new information, this girl is no stranger to using people. She wanted a ride to where she needed to go, so she lied and asked to drive saying she'd only go so far, but then she literally kidnapped you and your car and drove to her destination. To me, this is reason alone to just tell her "I can't drive you anymore," no excuses, no sorry, nothing. She was very pushy and out of line there.

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honestanswers

I feel the same way too. Since we are pretty much stuck with each other in the same office, I'm just trying to see if I can use the most tactful way to not only stop riding with her but to establish some boundaries.

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Just tell her you can't do it. Unless she pitches in for gas or provides a way of saying, "Thank you."

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I feel the same way too. Since we are pretty much stuck with each other in the same office, I'm just trying to see if I can use the most tactful way to not only stop riding with her but to establish some boundaries.

 

Don't give her the option of paying for gas. Just tell her no more. She has not been tactful in the least, so no reason you need to. If it raises issues, tell your boss she kidnapped you and your car using a lie to get behind the wheel. That will fix her wagon.

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honestanswers

So, eventually I did ask my co-worker, "Girl, when are you getting the car you were talking about...? She said she wasn't going to buy the new car anymore. That she was going to fix her old one. So I asked when she'll do that. She said she doesn't know. When I asked how come... and why... She then said that her mechanic is in jail... That was when I responded with I pray he comes out soon because in about 2weeks my school schedule is going be a little tighter to keep going all the way to your place every night after work.

 

Before I could finish, she interrupted me with, "you don't have to drop me. I got rides...After all, I never asked. You were the one that said you were going to do that..." She continued ranting, and I was shocked by the fact that she now claimed that she never asked; but to avoid argument, I just called her by name and said, look I'm not complaining and I don't think there's anything wrong with someone noticing a need and choosing to help without being asked. But truth is she did ask... twice.

 

Meanwhile, I have to take an official call, so she went quiete. After a while she came and sat beside me... made a loud phone call asking someone to give her a ride. I decided to act real happy for her and said, "so you got a ride? That's great!" She started bragging about how she can get rides. I didn't say another word.

 

Then she went out... came back again and started talking angrily behind my seat... about how I should have told her that I'm tired of dropping her off earlier. This time she was really loud. I turned around and said to her, "what's eating you up? ...please drop it." She kept talking and I just have to ignore her. So she has being full of attitudes... slamming office door, talking about me on her cellphone to some people I don't know; and other childish behaviors I never know existed in her. Something in me tells me she's going to regret her reactions and probably apologize later, but I might be wrong. Of a truth I'm baffled; but I have no regrets for the sacrifice I made for her so far.

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it's kinda on you... you should have stopped after the first week or so. perhaps, from the outset, just have said i can help you out this week, but after that you're on your own. or, you tell her you can longer help her out because you aren't going that direction anymore after work. in order to avoid a co-worker who was doing this to me (asking for rides), i told her i was doing something different every night - working out, going to my boyfriends, going to the drugstore, etc. and then i'd leave the parking lot in another direction. it's on you to not let someone take advantage and i can see why she'd be annoyed. even if she did ask you, you should have spoken up sooner and not waited until you were at a breaking point about it.

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She knew any reasonable person would cut her off after her last stunt, so she knew it was coming and is trying to deflect blame off herself by finding something to blame you for. You shouldn't coddle her about that. Next time she asks, and she probably will, just tell her no.

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