darkmoon Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 (edited) my freind gambles on scratch cards, i had not seen her for some months but we made up over an unrelated matter, so... so last monday i saw her and as usual she is living on next week's money, and is happy to as she lives on credit, ok, but she also asked me to lend her some money, which she always does, twenty pounds or forty usd, not much but a lot to me, i make that last four days, as i want to save up i always get the loan back, but she spends my money faster than me when she borrows, and also i end up over-spending too as i am mumber dyslexic i see a child-like irresponsibilty in her and want no part of it, i feel pressured to keep lending, i know she expects it, she says she likes to feel she has some cash on her is it reasonable to just tell her straight that i do not want to dip into my savings any more? Edited July 7, 2015 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 yes it is ok for you to say no dark moon, i have the same problem as you, i find it hard to say no when people ask to borrow money off me....and i have grown stronger in this respect....because of my girls basically....i often would borrow money and I would tighten my own budget to help others.....gave my last five dollars away that i had for milk and bread once for someone else to have milk and bread........i dont have savings i live day to day and alot of my money goes rather fast....i am not a good budgeter...my mum is helping me at the moment.........and honestly if a person asked me for my last five dollars again for bread and milk for their kids ...i would give it.....my girls and i always make it through......but.....along with those types of people who struggle... I get the addicts.....who ask to borrow money...and it isnt for food or rent or everyday living its for booze and or drugs and or gambolling debts.....i have learned to say no....i will borrow for necessities but like your friend who has a problem with scratchies....to give is to enable that problem........just say no....and you actually help her.....thats what i tell myself when i say no.....i am helping not hindering ........hugs...be strong...just say no i am sorry i cant .......deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkmoon Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 (edited) so do i give her advance warning in a text explaining that she must stop scratching for her own good? i think it is best, as i feel used, not that she plans it, it is just that once she knows i have money on me, my cash for emergencies, my planned budget, it is "can you lend me some money?" and her eyes never stray from my bag, she gets hypnotised Edited July 8, 2015 by darkmoon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 so do i give her advance warning in a text explaining that she must stop scratching for her own good? i think it is best, as i feel used, not that she plans it, it is just that once she knows i have money on me, my cash for emergencies, my planned budget, it is "can you lend me some money?" and her eyes never stray from my bag, she gets hypnotised no dark moon no advance warnign thats contrived and a bit confronting.....when she asks you again explain to her your budget doesnt allow for it you are saving and you need to stick to your budget....ask her does she feel she has a problem with scratchies.....and drift the conversation away from the money she wants ....and settle the convo in her problem at hand....which is her addiction...she may need someone to talk about that with...and that you can help her with..deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkmoon Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 (edited) we have talked about her gambling addiction, a lot, gently, jokily, her mother gets angry, not me though my friend sees the wins, i even told her the gambling companies lie, they did about somebody i know where the big prize never got paid out she wins a hundred pounds every so often i just want to budget and save now, not spend money as fast as her, she spends faster than me generally, she has been known to want to spend my emergency cash that i keep by on purpose, just visiting and taking over like that, hypnotised truly Edited July 8, 2015 by darkmoon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Of course you can cut her off. Tell her you have extra expenses and have no money to spare at this time. Tell her you're paying down your own debt or whatever or taxes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 we have talked about her gambling addiction, a lot, gently, jokily, her mother gets angry, not me though my friend sees the wins, i even told her the gambling companies lie, they did about somebody i know where the big prize never got paid out she wins a hundred pounds every so often i just want to budget and save now, not spend money as fast as her, she spends faster than me generally, she has been known to want to spend my emergency cash that i keep by on purpose, just visiting and taking over like that, hypnotised truly well you are a true friend to her if you have tried...sometimes it doesnt matter how hard a true friend tries if the will is not in the other to do something about it....and honestly you cant force someone to see........being a friend does not mean you are a bank for them..being a friend means just being there ..to listen to help to comfort and to offer advice......and knowing when to say no...is part of a healthy friendship...caring is not always sharing.....its knowing when to say no too............deb Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Just don't lend her the money, when asked just tell her you don't have it this week. make no excuses.. it is your money. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I would just tell her you're planning on saving up for something important and that you're really watching your money. If she presses you, then yeah, I would try to find a delicate way to tell her that you're tired of lending her money. You're not an ATM. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Next time she asks, do as others have suggested, that you're saving money and now is not a good time for you. I'm sure she has other friends and family members whom she can borrow money from....Though I'm guessing she probably borrows from them too and possibly they are sick of it and cut her off. She has a gambling problem and you lending her money is enabling her. you need to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Just don't lend her the money, when asked just tell her you don't have it this week. make no excuses.. it is your money. I would just tell her you're planning on saving up for something important and that you're really watching your money. If she presses you, then yeah, I would try to find a delicate way to tell her that you're tired of lending her money. You're not an ATM. Both of these suggestions are awesome, because they are a non-confrontational way to tell your friend 'no' without setting her off. If she sees that you need the money, then she will stop asking you for it. Problem solved. Nobody gets hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
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