Don't feel valued

[LuckyxGuapa]

Hi everyone.

I'm having trouble with a few of my friends at the minute. I can't decide whether i am just being sensitive or they actually aren't real friends.

 

Friend 1. Only seems to ring me when she wants something. A few weeks ago she had a medical problem and I spent pretty much the entire week running her to the doctors/hospital/appointments/pharmacy and making numerous phone calls on her behalf and taking time off work to help her out. I don't even actually recall getting a thank you. The other day I text her with a problem that I was having and she didn't even reply. A few days later I asked if I had done something wrong and she replied with "nothing that I know of". Which I just found a really strange response. I haven't heard from her since. Quite upset that I did that all for my friend and when I needed some support, she wasn't interested.

 

Friend 2 - at the time when I had this problem going on, I wasn't in the greatest mood and wanted to spend time with this friend to talk about it and take my mind off it. He was busy with, who I would call "flash in the pan" friends, who he hasn't known that long, every single time I tried to see if we could chat or hang out. I became quite frustrated and felt pushed out and snapped at him, however, he turned it nasty and said some hurtful things. A few weeks later when my "problem" was resolved, I spoke to him and explained what was going on and apologised, but he responded and said basically that he didn't care and was sick of me. Again, I found this upsetting as I was going through a bad time and have offered a sincere apology and don't think it's fair its held against me, especially as I had quite serious things going on at the time and wasn't thinking clearly. I haven't heard from him since.

 

Friend 3 - she was pregnant and didn't have a great pregnancy, lots of problems. I was constantly in touch with her, and visiting. I made a fuss over her and was supportive right the way through. She went into labour and in the middle of her contractions she sent me a text and said she was in a lot of pain so wouldn't be texting anymore but would keep me updated. 15 hours later I still hadn't heard anything, and after the complications during her pregnancy I was concerned something terrible had happened and was awake all night worrying and hoping for a text to say she had had the baby and both her and baby were ok. 20 hours later and still nothing. I was in two minds whether to text her as didn't know what was going on, but a little while later , I did. She replied and said that she had given birth to a baby girl (15 hours before I text). And that she had "forgotten" to text me. I was upset as I had been worried sick. I know your head can be all over the place after you've just had a baby, but I was upset that she had forgotten to text me, especially as we are very close and she had been in touch with her family and on whatsapp right after the birth, however, I was forgotten about.

I sent a really lovely text and said I would leave her and her boyfriend for a while,to get settled at home and adjust to everything etc. I still haven't heard from her, or even seen a picture of the new baby.

 

I'm just sad because these 3 friends, I have known them 10+ years and thought I was valued more than they have made me feel.

[StalwartMind]

That seems rough and I can understand why you would not feel valued. The friendships seem to be a bit of a one way street, even if sometimes people do go through periods where everything is a bit hectic.

 

Friend 1 just seems like a person you should dedicate a lot less time on, some people will gladly use and take any help they can without really appreciating it.

 

Friend 2 you shouldn't of snapped but I understand it can happen. As you experienced with him, people can get nasty fast when their personality is under attack. You did apologize which was the right thing to do, but unfortunately the damage had been done. Maybe things will smooth out later but again I would not miss someone who can be very hurtful.

 

Friend 3 may just be an example as I mentioned of things being quite hectic. I understand you'd like to see a picture and hear from them, but it can take some days for things to settle. I'm unsure how much time has now passed since, but at least she did text she wouldn't be able to text for awhile.

 

I believe there's nothing inherently wrong with what you expect of others as well as how to be treated. You very well might be a person who, likes to put an effort into the things you do, and just at the very least see that people value it. And it does feel disappointing when people show no real sign of appreciation. You might consider expressing this, if you wish for things to change. There's no guarantee that they will, but it's often worth it to at least have tried, rather than just "expect" things to be as you desire.

 

Don't be discouraged or change your compassion and wish to help others, I appreciate that in all humans who display such. We all have different ideas of what a good friend is, and if you are a person who appreciate someone who keeps in contact frequently, then perhaps you need to find someone like that.

[preraph]

Friend one is a one-way friend. You don't need one of those.

 

Friend 2 is gone. Good riddance.

 

Friend 3 just had a baby and it's probably the biggest event in her life and nothing is busier than right after you have a baby. And remember that so many people were probably around or contacting her she lost track of things. Plus she was focused just on the baby and probably extremely exhausted. Now she's out, she will be even more exhausted, and I wouldn't expect her to have hardly any time for anything but taking care of an infant for the next 3 years or until baby can go to daycare. So don't try to make her pick up the pace. Peel it back and just stay in touch and when she's ready for you to come over and see the baby, I'm sure she'll let you know.