courtneykay Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Welp. I am in college and have made a college best friend for the past 2 years. For her birthday last year, I went out of my way to make it really special and hand picked gifts for her that I thought she would really like. One year later, we are both on this website called Poshmark where you can sell old clothes/accessories you don't want anymore. Well I follow her, so when she lists something I can see it. Low and behold, she is selling a necklace I bought for her birthday for $10. I know this isn't a matter of her desperately needing $10. With the amount the app subtracts, she's only going to get $7 out of the necklace. She is dependent on her parents who are very well off and provide a nice lifestyle for her. If I knew she were in a financial bind, maybe I would be more understanding, or at least have loaned her the $7 she seemed to need so much.... Not sure where to go from here. My feelings are hurt. I know this isnt a huge ordeal, so I should probably just let it go. I don't want to cause any unnecessary drama. It just sucks because I went out of my way to buy her something nice and basically wasted my money because she went and sold the gift. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 When a gift is given, the recipient may do whatever they want with the gift. Let it go... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Just curious - how much did you pay for it? In her case, where she has plenty of things - instead of getting her gifts for presents, why don't you consider taking her out to lunch or something instead? Some people just aren't into "objects" and they hold no sentimental value. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author courtneykay Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 It cost around $40. Prior to that she had been talking about how she wanted more "statement necklaces" and was always borrowing mine. In the future I probably will...but as her best friend I can say she is materialistic and would probably be offended if I didn't buy her a physical possession. Yeah I get that people can do what they want with gifts, but still, I find it rude that she's selling it for a fraction of the cost when money is no issue to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Yeah I get that people can do what they want with gifts, but still, I find it rude that she's selling it for a fraction of the cost when money is no issue to her. If you hadn't seen the website, you would have never known. You have to leave it at that. The necklace was her's to do with as she wished. She could have re-gifted it, donated it to the Goodwill, lost it, or whatever. The point is, you give something to someone because of the affection you have for that person, not because you need to spend a set $$ amount and expect something in perpetuity. Let it go... Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 That's rude. You were thoughtful and she's unappreciative. Now you know. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 This happened to me recently too. I Was pretty offended too, The gift my recipient sold for $60 was worth $200. I haven't said a word but in future, I will be limiting my giving to this person. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I'd say you're free to adjust your gifting however you want as well, but Carrie T's right about the receiver. Would you really want her to pretend she loves it when obviously she doesn't? It's just a little gut check moment - you missed on a gift for a friend. More your fault than hers, but no big deal either way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Sorry this happened. It's a lesson learned... Let it go and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 The fact she's a borrower might indicate she's also a penny pincher too cheap to buy something like that for herself, and maybe too cheap to not turn it into cash. I have a friend who returns anything she knows where it came from. And she is very penny pinching. She'd rather have gift cards, but if you do that, she just gives it to her adult daughter, so it costs her less on her holiday gifts, so I won't usually do that. Her sister buys her clothes when they shop together trying to get her to wear something besides her usual jeans and t-shirt of only certain colors and she always tells me about it and I will ask to see it if it just happened but she's never produced or wore one yet. I know she's just returning them for cash. But yet, she is a pretty good gift giver. She puts some time into it and tries to get you the right thing and not something random. If I buy her something exactly like she already has, those are the ones she'll keep. In your case, just stop buying her anything expensive. But I wouldn't say anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 If you want to buy her a gift next year, buy it from the same site she sold the necklace on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Is there some projection as to the value of the friendship going on here? You didn't breeze by the store and quickly pick up an "on sale item" off the end cap. You put time and thought into the gift and purchased something you felt would not only be treasured but have practical and sentimental value as well. You aren't solely upset bc she sold it for a fraction of the cost, you are equally upset that she didn't share your sentiment, and if something you felt should have been treasured was casually tossed out, you are wondering if she values your friendship in a similarly dismissive manner. This isn't about the money. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I have mixed feelings about this. I understand the feelings of the OP as I'm sure I would also be hurt if this happened to me but on the other hand I have not kept every gift ever given to me either. It's not reasonable to expect someone to never ever get rid of an item if it was a gift. I have a family member who is a neat freak and who will rid herself of anything that she isn't using or doesn't see herself using. This person has given me some nice stuff, lol, because she can't stand having anything stored. Since this was a necklace, it wouldn't be hard to hold onto and the OP likely thought the receiver should have placed some sentimental value on it, but not everybody is sentimental or feels sentimental about inanimate objects. For this reason I usually give gift certificates or if I have my heart set on buying a gift I take the person with me so they can help me pick it out. I know that kind of spoils any element of surprise but I can't stand the thought of spending my hard earned money on a gift that isn't going to be used or liked and I don't want to burden the receiver of my gifts with guilt for not liking or wanting to keep my gifts. If a friend of mine got rid of gift I gave her I wouldn't even mention it. Once I give a gift it's not my business what the receiver does with it. There are no strings attached to gifts. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author courtneykay Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 Believe me, I'm not like crying upset over this, or even really that upset about it at all anymore. Nothing worth ending a friendship over or even talking to her about. It's just like one of those moments that feels like a stab, but then over it shortly after. Now I know to think more carefully about what I spend my money on. It's hard because all of my friends are so particular about gifts but also have huge expectations. One friend of mine told us a list of all of the items that we should/could not get her. People can get so crazy about gifts! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 You should not be giving anything, gifts, food, whatever it may be, to anyone with a preconceived notion of what you want them to do with it. That defeats the entire purpose of the gesture you are performing. You are giving something to some one. To do as they see fit. If they want to use a can opener as a toilet bowl cleaning device, so be it. If they feel obliged to sell something, its their prerogative. Do not let something as insignificant as this affect your friendship with this person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 I understand what she did was hurtful to you but I doubt she did it intentionally and she probably didn't think you'd find out. What can do is, next time birthdays are come around, say no gifts, just funny birthday cards or flowers. Don't do a present exchanges anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Welp. I am in college and have made a college best friend for the past 2 years. For her birthday last year, I went out of my way to make it really special and hand picked gifts for her that I thought she would really like. One year later, we are both on this website called Poshmark where you can sell old clothes/accessories you don't want anymore. Well I follow her, so when she lists something I can see it. Low and behold, she is selling a necklace I bought for her birthday for $10. I know this isn't a matter of her desperately needing $10. With the amount the app subtracts, she's only going to get $7 out of the necklace. She is dependent on her parents who are very well off and provide a nice lifestyle for her. If I knew she were in a financial bind, maybe I would be more understanding, or at least have loaned her the $7 she seemed to need so much.... Not sure where to go from here. My feelings are hurt. I know this isnt a huge ordeal, so I should probably just let it go. I don't want to cause any unnecessary drama. It just sucks because I went out of my way to buy her something nice and basically wasted my money because she went and sold the gift. Hon U have right to be more then hurt. I just this is also not just same price she puts on your friendship as well. Link to post Share on other sites
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