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Should I apologize to save this friendship?


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I've been friends with Melissa for two years now. My sister has always been uneasy about her saying things like "I can only take her in small doses" and "do we have to invite her, all she does is talk about drama with her boyfriend." My sister can be uptight so I always shrugged off her warnings about Melissa. We had a falling out on New Year's Eve when she got really wasted and tried to drive home. When I went to stop her and told her to take a cab with me and my sister she got in my face and said to get out of her way or she would punch me. I had never seen her act like that. The next day she apologized over and over and said she was just really drunk and had been fighting with her boyfriend. But that was the first time I actually began to see what my sister was talking about. Since then Melissa and I have still hung out just not nearly as much. She started school and I started a new job. Things have mostly been fine when we've hung out. Yes Melissa is over the top at times but she's funny and outgoing which I like.

 

Now the incident. My college roommate Emily moved to another city and was going to be in town for her birthday last week. When she got in town I did a group text to all of our old friends about going out that night. Awhile later a mutual friend of Melissa and mine (who's also friends with Emily) texted asking if I invited Melissa for that night. I said no, she doesn't even know Emily. He said "oh I thought she did so I asked if she was going tonight and she said no she wasn't invited." Again, I said I didn't invite her because her and Emily had never met, and it would mostly be our old college friends. He said "well I invited her, I hope that's ok" I said that's fine no worries. Well like I assumed would happen did. Melissa only knew me and the other guy so she kind of "stole" us and I barely got to talk to my old college friends or Emily. Melissa kept being like "so what have you been up to" and then went on to just talk about the latest drama with her boyfriend. It's not that I wasn't interested it's just her and I could have had that talk another time. I only get to see Emily like once a year and it was her birthday. So Emily had mentioned she wanted to go to this bar we all used to go to and have one of their signature shots. We all are walking there and it's about 1:40, almost last call. On our way Melissa gets a call from her boyfriend and I hear them start to argue. I'm about to walk into the bar when Melissa stops me and she's bawling. She starts to tell me about the argument she just had. Meanwhile another friend pops their head out and is like "it's last call and Emily wants to take a shot with you." I turn to Melissa and I say "I'm really sorry I'm going to take a shot with Emily and then I'll come right out and talk with you" but Melissa blew up on me. She said all I cared about was taking a stupid shot and I wasn't a good friend. She kept yelling "all I want to do is talk to you and you've been acting disinterested all night!" She then started to walk back to her car to go home. When I got back in the bar the lights were up. I missed the shot with Emily.

 

That was over a week ago. I've talked to a few mutual friends and they say Melissa won't talk to me unless I apologize. But I don't think I should!!! I never get to see Emily and it was her birthday! I can talk to Melissa about her problems any other day! I also feel like my sister is right. All Melissa talks about is the latest fight with her crappy boyfriend. Am I being a ****ty friend?

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You have nothing to apologize for. Melissa was being a drama queen. Her issue could have waited another 15 minutes.

 

Let her go calm down. It will most likely blow over but you don't need to be the one to fix this because you didn't break it.

 

You can talk to her normally like you always do, acting like this never happened but you have nothing to apologize for.

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In all liklihood Melissa is just a bit narcissistic and can't stand it if she's not the focus of most of the attention. She found out about this party and she used that mutual guy friend to worm her way into it. I don't like that. That's poking your nose where it doesn't belong and in the process she tried to make you look like a jerk to the guy she used to convey the message.

 

You were weak letting her monopolize your time when you should have just said "I'm the host and Emily is the guest of honor, and I have to go." But later, you did tell her "no" and she had a big fit. So now you know how she is. Next time anything like this comes up where she invites herself, tell her no right up front or get up and move when she starts trying to monopolize you. She's an attention whore at a bare minimum. It's up to you to set the boundaries and just not let her intrude. Do NOT apologize. She's who should be apologizing, and she won't.

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sportygirl89

Sounds like my ex best friend. I've noticed a lot less drama and more wholesome friends around not causing drama. I've always been a more private person so I tend to keep a lot of things in but not out in the open like the people who act like drama queens do. Drama Queens drop people who don't center everything around them. If it's not a strong friendship I wouldn't worry about it.

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whichwayisup

Cut her loose. She is dramatic and self absorbed.

 

Most people don't go and do what she did, regardless if she had a falling out with her boyfriend, they certainly don't make a scene and cry like that at someone else's bday gathering at a bar. She put you in a difficult spot, choosing between her and having a drink at last call. She was a debbie downer that night and she should realize that she is actually in the wrong.

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