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I had a friendship with a fellow college student. It lasted awhile, she saw me though a lot of changes in my life. We were friends from 2008 until 2013 when she found a girlfriend and subsequently dropped me as a friend. That hurt me big time as she was one of my only friends.

 

I have the unlucky habit of having friends who eventually dump me when they couple up. It's happened more than once.

 

Out of the blue, she messages me on FB tonight.

 

Hi,

I miss you.

 

All I can think is that there must be issues in her LTR long distance relationship. I really haven't spoken to her in 2 years. I don't know why she suddenly decided to contact me again.

 

In some ways, her reaching out is affecting me more than it would if my recent ex contacted me.

 

Should I answer her? Yes, I do miss her, but I do not want to be pulled into her life if she's just going to dump me as a friend again.

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whichwayisup

Ouch. 2 years of silence and now she says hi and i miss you?! WTF. That is rude and actually quite ballsy of her to do. There was no apology, no sorry that it's been so long, I know I've not been a good friend but hoping we can talk soon. She is fishing.

 

You could answer back and just be honest, tell her how you feel about her disappearing, how much it hurt you and after 2 years, now she reaches out?

 

Or you can ignore it and let things go.

 

All depends on what it is you want. If she wants a friendship with you then she will make lots of effort and make things right with you. If she doesn't, well, then you have 2 years under your belt of living your life without her in it and you're ahead of the game.

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I never understood friend dumping. Why did she get rid of you specifically, aside from the unlucky habit thing?

 

You say your girl-friend found a girlfriend ....is that a romantic girlfriend? Reason I ask is that some lesbian women will actually feel threatened by guy-friends of their girlfriends, much like a straight woman might feel threatened by a girl-friend of their boyfriend. Sounds strange I know.

 

If it was me I'd be the bigger person and answer her. Just keep your boundaries up and if she tries to suck you in, push her back out.

 

you: "Hey Jessica/Jennifer/Genevieve, how are you?"

her: "I'm okay. Wow you wouldn't believe what's going on, ready?"

you: "I'm sorry, but no, not right now. It's nice to hear from you tho."

her: [most likely] "Fine!"

 

Whatever, but you behave with dignity this way without putting yourself out there for someone who failed you. :)

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I never understood friend dumping. Why did she get rid of you specifically, aside from the unlucky habit thing?

 

You say your girl-friend found a girlfriend ....is that a romantic girlfriend? Reason I ask is that some lesbian women will actually feel threatened by guy-friends of their girlfriends, much like a straight woman might feel threatened by a girl-friend of their boyfriend. Sounds strange I know.

 

If it was me I'd be the bigger person and answer her. Just keep your boundaries up and if she tries to suck you in, push her back out.

 

you: "Hey Jessica/Jennifer/Genevieve, how are you?"

her: "I'm okay. Wow you wouldn't believe what's going on, ready?"

you: "I'm sorry, but no, not right now. It's nice to hear from you tho."

her: [most likely] "Fine!"

 

Whatever, but you behave with dignity this way without putting yourself out there for someone who failed you. :)

 

We're all women. Yes, she has been in a relationship with the same woman for 2 years.

 

Honestly, she never gave me a reason. She just dropped off the face of the earth. Every time I tried to make plans with her, she'd either not reply or say she was busy with no follow up. I eventually gave up trying.

 

I am so very good at keeping my boundaries up, so if I decide to answer her, I'll make sure my boundaries stay up.

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Ouch. 2 years of silence and now she says hi and i miss you?! WTF. That is rude and actually quite ballsy of her to do. There was no apology, no sorry that it's been so long, I know I've not been a good friend but hoping we can talk soon. She is fishing.

 

You could answer back and just be honest, tell her how you feel about her disappearing, how much it hurt you and after 2 years, now she reaches out?

 

Or you can ignore it and let things go.

 

All depends on what it is you want. If she wants a friendship with you then she will make lots of effort and make things right with you. If she doesn't, well, then you have 2 years under your belt of living your life without her in it and you're ahead of the game.

 

Yeah I definitely felt like she was fishing.

 

I miss her friendship. Especially considering all I've been dealing with.

 

If she actually wants to make things right, I feel like she needs to put in actual effort. Not a half-assed attempt.

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La.Primavera

People who behave that way will keep doing it if you let them.

 

Personally, I would ignore it.

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She doesn't deserve a reply. If she's the type who lets a new relationship make her walk away from friendship with no explanation, then who needs that? Now, if you have a romantic relationship, of course it's reasonable she wouldn't want to be seeing you while trying to make a new relationship, but still an explanation out front would be reasonable.

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whichwayisup
We're all women. Yes, she has been in a relationship with the same woman for 2 years.

 

Honestly, she never gave me a reason. She just dropped off the face of the earth. Every time I tried to make plans with her, she'd either not reply or say she was busy with no follow up. I eventually gave up trying.

 

I am so very good at keeping my boundaries up, so if I decide to answer her, I'll make sure my boundaries stay up.

 

Real friends don't do this, ever!! I have 3 amazing close women friends I can rely on 100% and no way in hell would any of them disappear like that, ignore me or play the "I'm too busy" card at me.

 

Let her know exactly how you feel and what your expectations are, be up front about it all and go from there. yes, let her prove to you she's worthy of being in your life again.

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