Am I really considered too nice for doing this?

[disneyfan90]

My birthday was a week ago. I'm not really someone who considers my birthday a big deal, so initially I had no plans to celebrate it. However, a few of my friends stepped up to the plate and made plans for me. They were like, "we have to do something for your birthday" so they threw in a few options and told me to pick what I wanted to do. I was honestly okay with anything, as long as we all had a good time. I told everyone to tell me what they wanted to, and I decided to go with the majority. We are a group of 15 people, and miraculously, all 15 people showed up. We had a great time.

 

There is a girl in our group though, and she's one of my best friends. As nice as she is, when it comes to her birthday, I happen to think that she turns into a total diva. Literally 2 months before her birthday she kept reminding us every week that her birthday was coming up. On her birthday she decided to go to a specific bar and told every one of us, "Okay you better be there. No excuses. It's my birthday." 6 of the 15 people showed up to the bar, and I don't think that's too bad, right? But this girl went on and on saying things like, "I can't believe he didn't come. How can he miss my birthday?! And what about her? She's can't be a true friend since she missed my birthday." One of our friends said that he won't come because he doesn't enjoy bars but this girl basically said, "Doesn't enjoy bars? Who cares if he doesn't enjoy bars! It's my birthday and he should come regardless. I mean, I would do it for his birthday!" Also she kept going on and on about the bar itself, which she chose. "This place sucks. My expectations were so high but this place is terrible, and now my birthday is all ruined." She went on about it for weeks, and still goes on about what a horrible birthday it was. Okay, maybe it wasn't the best bar ever, but the music was nice, and I thought it was a good place. I'm not really sure what she was expecting--the place I went to for my birthday wasn't much better.

 

So then this same girl told me, "Look, no one made plans for me on my birthday, but everyone started planning yours like 2 weeks in advance. Hardly anyone showed up to my birthday, but everyone showed up to yours. I think it's all because you did what everyone else wanted to do, rather than what you wanted to do. If it's your birthday, you should make it clear where YOU want to go. You're way too nice." She actually sounded kind of upset.

 

Too nice? Is this true? All I wanted was for everyone to have a good time. I also don't understand why she makes such a big deal about birthdays anyway. I mean, we are both 24! Aren't we just a bit too old to be acting this way? What do you think?

Edited April 27, 2015 by disneyfan90

[ls819]

Yes she's mad... You did what you wanted.. Don't stress her antics

[preraph]

I happen to be on the side of your diva friend. It's HER birthday. If she is so inclined, then SHE gets to decide what to do. Yes, her so-called friends are free to not come if they're that selfish and just don't care that much, but a time or two of that without a good excuse, and that would be the last invitation of any kind they'd get from me.

 

You are lucky because you have friends who want to celebrate you. As you get older, all that drops off and if you want to have something to do on your birthday, you plan it yourself. A very good friend of mine and I stumbled onto this subject a while back. Just in the past couple of years she's been not doing anything for my birthday until 2 months later. So while we were on the subject, I told her I like to do MY birthday on MY birthday, and she said, yeah, but she couldn't always do it. Well, that is BS, because yes, she has kids and a part-time job, but I've got 2 jobs and I'm still able to plan on seeing someone on their BD if I have a WHOLE year to organize around it. Using your kids as an excuse is nonsense. Get a babysitter. Or, God forbid, make your husband watch them for 3 hours while he's playing videogames. Your friends should not have to plan their birthdays around your kid's karate schedule.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I think that she is being immature and self absorbed! I don't think you were too nice, I think you were easy going and easy to get along with and that's why everyone wanted to be there for you. Of I had gone to her birthday party then been forced to listen to how it wasn't good enough for her, I'd have never bothered to do it again. She needs other people to sacrifice to have fun, you just wanted everyone to have a good time. The difference is, you're easier to enjoy. I think what she meant was "you're too nice... You make me look bad!"

[Frank2thepoint]

You aren't being too nice. You are just not obsessed about your birthday as your friend. She's being jealous of the fact that more people showed up for your birthday than for hers, and because of it she is putting you down. She cares about status and requires validation from her friends, that's why she is making a big deal of it. You're friend is immature and controlling.

[loveweary11]

The entire premise of your question is exactly *why* only half of the group went to her birthday.

 

It's not being too nice to be be easy going.

 

 

 

My birthday was a week ago. I'm not really someone who considers my birthday a big deal, so initially I had no plans to celebrate it. However, a few of my friends stepped up to the plate and made plans for me. They were like, "we have to do something for your birthday" so they threw in a few options and told me to pick what I wanted to do. I was honestly okay with anything, as long as we all had a good time. I told everyone to tell me what they wanted to, and I decided to go with the majority. We are a group of 15 people, and miraculously, all 15 people showed up. We had a great time.

 

There is a girl in our group though, and she's one of my best friends. As nice as she is, when it comes to her birthday, I happen to think that she turns into a total diva. Literally 2 months before her birthday she kept reminding us every week that her birthday was coming up. On her birthday she decided to go to a specific bar and told every one of us, "Okay you better be there. No excuses. It's my birthday." 6 of the 15 people showed up to the bar, and I don't think that's too bad, right? But this girl went on and on saying things like, "I can't believe he didn't come. How can he miss my birthday?! And what about her? She's can't be a true friend since she missed my birthday." One of our friends said that he won't come because he doesn't enjoy bars but this girl basically said, "Doesn't enjoy bars? Who cares if he doesn't enjoy bars! It's my birthday and he should come regardless. I mean, I would do it for his birthday!" Also she kept going on and on about the bar itself, which she chose. "This place sucks. My expectations were so high but this place is terrible, and now my birthday is all ruined." She went on about it for weeks, and still goes on about what a horrible birthday it was. Okay, maybe it wasn't the best bar ever, but the music was nice, and I thought it was a good place. I'm not really sure what she was expecting--the place I went to for my birthday wasn't much better.

 

So then this same girl told me, "Look, no one made plans for me on my birthday, but everyone started planning yours like 2 weeks in advance. Hardly anyone showed up to my birthday, but everyone showed up to yours. I think it's all because you did what everyone else wanted to do, rather than what you wanted to do. If it's your birthday, you should make it clear where YOU want to go. You're way too nice." She actually sounded kind of upset.

 

Too nice? Is this true? All I wanted was for everyone to have a good time. I also don't understand why she makes such a big deal about birthdays anyway. I mean, we are both 24! Aren't we just a bit too old to be acting this way? What do you think?