How do I navigate feelings for a friend in the future?

[Lovezen_30]

I posted previously about having developed feelings for a close male friend. This was about a year ago and while sometimes I think about him less than other times, they haven't disappeared. Bullet notes:

 

- We've been close for 10 years but due to distance haven't spent a lot of time together in person. I moved abroad last year which didn't help!

- He has a girlfriend of nearly 2 years.

- Every time we talk he asks when I'm coming home. He talks about seeing me and some of the things we'll do together (not romantic, just general activities)

- He has previously told me that I am exactly his type.

- I am starting to legitimately worry about my mental health & the inability to shake these feelings despite the fact I'm dating other guys. It's got to the point where I imagine him marrying this girl and die a little bit inside...

 

My issues are: I'm not sure how to navigate this friendship when I get home in a respectful manner. Should I invite his girlfriend to our outings? How can I try to diminish the feelings?

 

I am making an assumption that as a taken man he has no feelings for me and is interested in pursuing friendship only. How do I know for sure? I would more reluctant to see him if there were some feelings on his part.

[La.Primavera]

End your friendship and stay away.

 

I am only suggesting this because you are concerned about your mental health and how these feelings are holding you back from giving your heart to another man. I think you should be concerned. What if you spend the next 5 years wanting this guy? What a waste of your time.

 

You are obviously crazy about him, but despite saying you were his type (a nice compliment) he is in a relationship with another woman, and have been for 2 years! He could marry her. I know that hurts but it’s the truth.

 

When I talk to friends who live far away we always talk about when we are going to see each other again, what we will do, how much we miss each other. It is normal and not uncommon but of course everything he says to you feels more significant and riddled with hidden meaning because your feelings are so strong. You can’t help it. Whether he is aware of your attraction and encourages slightly for an ego boost, I have no idea but either way need to be less concerned with him and his life and think of yourself!

 

If you want the feelings to go away you need to stop contact or straight up tell him how you feel so you can move on.

 

Personally I think you are in too deep emotionally to stay friends. That’s just my opinion.

 

All the best.

[Lovezen_30]

End your friendship and stay away.

 

I am only suggesting this because you are concerned about your mental health and how these feelings are holding you back from giving your heart to another man. I think you should be concerned. What if you spend the next 5 years wanting this guy? What a waste of your time.

 

You are obviously crazy about him, but despite saying you were his type (a nice compliment) he is in a relationship with another woman, and have been for 2 years! He could marry her. I know that hurts but it’s the truth.

 

When I talk to friends who live far away we always talk about when we are going to see each other again, what we will do, how much we miss each other. It is normal and not uncommon but of course everything he says to you feels more significant and riddled with hidden meaning because your feelings are so strong. You can’t help it. Whether he is aware of your attraction and encourages slightly for an ego boost, I have no idea but either way need to be less concerned with him and his life and think of yourself!

 

If you want the feelings to go away you need to stop contact or straight up tell him how you feel so you can move on.

 

Personally I think you are in too deep emotionally to stay friends. That’s just my opinion.

 

All the best.

 

I think part of the way I'm feeling comes from complete guesswork that: at a certain point, he had romantic feelings for me but when I refused to meet him on a few occasions he gave up on forming a different kind of bond. Now, at the point when he is taken, is the point where I have felt ready to meet him. He may feel torn because on some level he wants to explore that. And, if that's the case, I worry that his desire to see more of me isn't just because of friendship. I'm hypothesising but for some reason that is the sense I am getting.

 

I feel like, if I had met him sooner, we might have been together. And I kick myself for it. Other times, I think I felt a certain way at a certain time for a reason and therefore don't really feel guilty about it. I am reluctant to cut contact, however, because I may meet someone else, fall in love and find my feelings diminish. If I sever contact I will have lost one of the most valuable friendships of my life. And I'm not sure it would be worth that.