Dork Vader Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I have been friends with a woman since 8th grade. We are very close, have traveled together and been there for each other through out the years. She was in a long term relationship with a great guy for the last 12 years or so. She recently decided to break things off with this man. She is now dating a man that is around 8-9 years younger. The new boy friend is a complete fruit. He's incapable of even basic yard work or common house hold repairs. This has lead too him attempting to fix it and me getting phone calls from her asking if I can come fix what ever the problem is. For a while I had no problem doing this. How ever I've grown sick of it for numerous reasons. 1. Since meeting her new beau she has no time too hang out at all. 2. He gets the praise and reward of doing the repair. Despite the fact that he just stands there and watches me do the repairs. I hardly get a thank you. 3. When he has done something wrong and I have too rip out his screw up, she gets up set with me for it becoming a bigger project. If you're a woman with a male friend be very cautious how you treat that male friend. I have no problem helping her out for nothing, I have no desire too date her. But I do have a problem with making this fruit look like a man all while she alienates our friendship. Next time she asks me for help I'm going to tell her to have her new boy friend figure it out. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 It's a tough thing to balance because most people will suspect that there is more to your friendship then just friendship. The BF has to be her primary relationship but I don't hear you challenging that which is good & respectful but you're right, you should not be expected to do all this stuff for her, especially if he gets all the credit & she otherwise seems not to have time for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dork Vader Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Yes I agree, balance is key. I'm going to have a talk with her about me feeling a tad alienated. I complete understand that new relationships take time too build trust. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I would remain good natured but simply beg off and tell them you are too busy for side projects and have enough of your own piled up should you ever find time to do them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Give her the number for a local handyman if she needs things done. And yes, I have guy friends, imposing is not in our friendship book. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Yes I agree, balance is key. I'm going to have a talk with her about me feeling a tad alienated. I complete understand that new relationships take time too build trust. Since she is (sort of) like a sister to you, speak your mind. Tell her how you feel and why you feel taken advantage of. This guy probably feels stupid when you come over and show him up, fix what he tried to fix, which is why he seems ungrateful and doesn't say thank you. You can't come to her rescue all the time, she has to learn to do this on her own, or start asking other friends, family members or even this guy's friends/family to help out. Does he live with her? Whatever you do, don't disclose how you feel about him being a dud. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Meh, she sounds like a user and you really shouldn't be coming over ALL THE TIME to help her out. Has she no pride/backbone? Once in a long while in an emergency if they can't get the handyman to come around in time is okay, but even then there should be gratitude. If they're doing it all the time and not so much as saying thank you or doing anything in return for you EVER, they're using you. Start saying no. Link to post Share on other sites
Blade96 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 You're being used. It would be one thing if you came over to do the work a lot and got recognized appropriately for it. But you're not so - she's a user and her fb gets the credit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Invoice her next time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Yeah I agree with what everyone else has said. Time for a talk and some new boundaries. She is definitely taking advantage of your friendship, time, and good nature. She can hire a handyman or send her new boyfriend to a local trade school to learn how to fix things. Sudden thought: is it possible that you're finally developing romantic feelings for her? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 It's not about being cautious with a 'male friend'. It's how people genuinely see friendship regardless of sex. Your fault for jumping when she clicks her fingers. I wouldn't. Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted May 1, 2015 Share Posted May 1, 2015 You've been close friends for all those years. Sit down and talk it out. That's what friends do (unless they've forgotten the basic rules of friendship that got them though all those years in the first place.) At present, she's not treating you very well, at all. Your present situation requires the patience of a saint. I'm guessing you aren't one. That's fine. It's lousy that she's in a relationship with a schmoe.....but that's how life goes, sometimes. At least you can deal with the situation as a friend, period - and not some ticklish competitor for her romantic affections. All to the good. So love her like the sister she is.........and tell her bloody well off. You have excellent reasons to be pissed. She should know better, the schmuck. (do schmucks attract schmoes?) Good luck with it. A lifetime friend is a lot to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
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