Seeing my ex after a long period of time

[amkxoxo]

So My ex and I haven't seen each other in a year and a half. We have made communication through social media and texting here and there in between. He recently got a job right near where I live and work and he has been back in touch with me. I am okay with this and am trying to think one step ahead of him to not get caught up in him again. I would be with him again, but he had issues when we were together, and unless he could show me that those were resolved and I could be stable and rely on him, I don't think we could make it work.

 

I found out that he is thinking of having a party in his new place here. I would be invited, since I know my ex and am friends with his roommate. I want to show up looking good, being positive, and being fun. I figured I would bring my good girl friend with me for some back up, but now I am questioning bringing her.

 

At these parties, people drink and play drinking games and talk and laugh together. Its the normal for us just out of college kids. I enjoy drinking with friends and socializing. We never go crazy or get out of control, but its nice to let loose and relax.

 

This is why I am questioning bringing my friend, Kelly. She doesn't like to drink anymore and she won't know anyone at this party and will cling to me. I am fine with her clinging a bit, since she doesn't know anyone, but she will be serious the whole night, or she will want to talk about serious things, because she will be sober. I like having a drink or two and being a little tipsy for a while. It makes life more fun. I always sober up and then go home. Have a drink and lighten up. I want to have a fun night, and I wanted her to have fun with. She might not want to play drinking games if she is sober. Or she will want to play them with me and people will think its strange she isn't drinking anything.

 

I'm not saying I want her to drink so much she passes out, but why go to something like this is you don't want to drink? I'm bringing her to an apartment party as support for seeing my ex, and she won't even be any fun. I don't know if I should bring her still. I mean, she would be a decent ride home. I don't know if I should go alone?

 

I don't know if I should bring one of my close guy friends. My ex doesn't know this guy friend and I am unsure if its a good idea to show up single to an ex's party with a guy I don't even like. My guy friend is fun and he will have a drink and be social and play games. I just know my guy friend will be a lot more fun. But I also know that my friend that's a girl will be better support if I needed her.

 

I am unsure how to do this.

[Diezel]

How about you don't go to this party and avoid all of this mental gymnastics you are doing?

[whichwayisup]

Since you know many people that are going to be there, why not just go alone? If you bring someone you're gonna feel obligated to babysit them all night.

but she will be serious the whole night, or she will want to talk about serious things, because she will be sober.

Are you assuming because she doesn't drink she will be so serious and won't be fun and chatty? That she'll be doom and gloom? Has she done this before? I don't know anybody who would go to a party and is a Debbie downer.

 

I don't drink, neither does my husband but we still have lots of fun, joking around and being silly. You don't need to have booze to have a good time.

[amkxoxo]

I think if there were people she knew there she would be more talkative and happy, but since she doesn't know any of these people, I feel like she is going to be very shy.

 

About 9 months ago, Kelly introduced me to some of her guy friends and they have now become good friends of mine. We would all go out for drinks at bars and we have a ball. In the last many months though Kelly has stopped drinking. She isn't as fun when we go out, because of this. She insists on being the driver every time we go out, and then she uses driving as an excuse not to be able to drink. I feel self conscious drinking sometimes because she isn't. It makes me feel bad about myself like I am doing something bad. I am responsible and so are our friends. Kelly was drinking with us many months earlier, and we have a great time and nothing bad happens. I do not pressure her to drink, but once i a while I offer to buy her one, so I don't have to do it by myself. It makes em feel like the drunk girl.

 

And I feel bad downing drinks with our group and she sips on water. I don't know what changed in her. 9 months ago she was up doing shots with all of us. She is also very into this organic lifestyle and its all a load of crap, but I support her if she is happy. She almost gives off this vibe that she is healthier or better than you because she lives this way. She would never say that, but once in a while I think she can come across this way. I also think Kelly almost feels inferior. I have a full time job and can afford my own place. A lot of our other friends are getting out and supporting themselves too. Kelly lives with her parents and this is why she can afford this expensive healthy lifestyle. If I had more money, I would be more healthy and organic too. I've told her that "wait until you get bills coming in and you get your own place, you won't be buying that expensive soap anymore."

 

Recently, the friends that she introduced me to, who are now my friends expressed to me that they don't like Kelly that much anymore. They don't find her fun to talk to and they think she is self absorbed. I have been noticing that they invite me places and sometimes don't invite her, or they invite her after me. I think this makes her feel bad. But that is not my fault. Also, the fact that they no longer like being around her and the attitude that she expresses id not my fault. They like me.

 

This whole situation with Kelly is a whole other situation from my ex having this party.

Edited April 20, 2015 by amkxoxo

[Kaiten]

You are playing a game. Be confident in who you are. Enough that you need mot rely on support from your friend. If she is such a drag in this scenario then the best thing for you to do is fight your own battle. No mind games. Just go in there as the genuine you. Relationships fail so often because people are usually putting on an image. Why set yourself up again?

[Diezel]

OP, are you still in high school?

Because that's exactly what you sound like.

 

Your friend makes a change for the better, she's boring.

She offers to be a DD, and you want her to take shots with you.

She doesn't say that she feels like she is above you, you just feel that way because insecurity.

You just told us that she feels superior and in the next sentence that she feels inferior because she lives with her parents.

So you tell her that she can't afford stuff if she lived on her own, which is really none of your business.

 

I really want to ask Kelly why SHE is still your friend.