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Friend never lets me decide what we do?


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I have a close friend whom I have known for 6 years, a lovely Greek girl who moved her 7 years ago for university and continued to stay. She has a massive group of Greek friends whom she hangs out with frequently. She and I used to do lots of things together when she was living with her younger sister, but since she moved in with one of her Greek friends (her sister moved back to Cyprus), she never wants to do things with me anymore.

 

She has not lost the enthusiasm to see me; she often texts me to meet up, but rather she will never agree to anywhere I want to go. She will never venture anywhere that's beyond the street where she lives, even though we live further apart now than we used to. My friend always suggests the same one restaurant to hang out at that's on her block, and if I suggest other places to eat she frequently turns it down.

 

She also never wants to party with me anymore, I believe this to be because her weekends are full of Greek parties that she goes to with her housemate and that she much prefers going to. She has invited me to hang out with her and her Greek friends before, but these occasions have ended up with them all speaking Greek and ignoring me- not the most amusing of experiences. She does try to make them speak English but to little effect; even though they all speak English fluently they simply feel more comfortable to converse in their mother tongue which is understandable. She knows how left out I feel when I hang out with her and her friends so she's stopped inviting me along.

 

There have also been instances where the two of us have agreed to meet up and she has invited one or two of her Greek friends along who changed the plan so that we ended up going where they want to go, and who had no interest in talking to me during the course of the evening at all.

 

I don't have that many friends left in town since many have moved away to other places or got married. I am trying to make more friends of course, but for now does anyone have any suggestions as to how to improve the situation?

 

Thanks

Edited by Sweeetie
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It's rude to accept an invitation to spend time with someone and then bring your own friends with you. Next time you invite her somewhere, tell her, "just the two of us" and tell her where you are going and what you are doing and if she doesn't want to go, that's her choice, but if she tries to change it, jump up her butt and tell her you're sick of never getting to do what you want to do. That's very rude of her. You can always just leave if they change plans on you too, but you need to let her know this is rude and unacceptable.

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lilmiscassie92
It's rude to accept an invitation to spend time with someone and then bring your own friends with you. Next time you invite her somewhere, tell her, "just the two of us" and tell her where you are going and what you are doing and if she doesn't want to go, that's her choice, but if she tries to change it, jump up her butt and tell her you're sick of never getting to do what you want to do. That's very rude of her. You can always just leave if they change plans on you too, but you need to let her know this is rude and unacceptable.

 

I agree it is extremely rude of her to not compromise on somewhere in the middle to meet. I would straight out tell her, hey ya know I live X minutes away from you, and I don't think it's fair that you won't venture out a bit to meet somewhere in the middle. It's also rude for her to invite her friends along and have them make you feel left out. I am always mindful about bringing a friend along, and I try to keep the conversation flowing equally between the three or four of us. I also always ask first, "Hey is it okay if I bring my friend ___ along? She wanted to see this movie too." Usually things work out well.

 

It sounds like you guys may not be very compatible as friends or may not have as much in common. It doesn't sound like she would pull herself away from the weekend of Greek parties to do something else with you. I could be wrong and it could be miscommunication on her end, so I would bring her attention to how you feel first. If things don't change, venture out and meet new friends. I never met a lot of friends in college,and I understand what it's like to feel lonely, especially over the weekends. Friends drift, sometimes apart, sometimes closer. Try joining a group on campus or maybe even log on to meetup.com or girlfriendsocial.com.

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I was going to ask if there was a chance she was Greek.

 

I have no Greek blood unfortunately! Despite being able to hold a conversation in Spanish and French, Greek is a little different and too difficult for me to learn.

 

I've come to realise that it's a Mediterranean thing to bring along friends without specifically asking the person who invited you; I have a few other friends from the Mediterranean and they do it too. It's not regarded as rude in many of these countries (they seem to have the attitude "the more the merrier") and these friends of mine are the kindest people I know.

 

My friend is just a little unaware of my feelings. I should talk to her at some point about this, since it is discouraging me to arrange meet ups.

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well that's rude of her. I have my loads of Russian friends on fb (because I study Russian and because I just love them they are sweet people) I talk with them a lot, but if one of my non russian friends or family wanted to chat too I don't exclude them.

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