BFF Went behind my back.

[SLee]

So this is a long story that I've posted elsewhere, but here's the part that pertains to my friend.

 

My (very recent) ex and I had been having relationship troubles for a while. I wanted him back. He declined. Later, after an emotional whirlwind, he admitted that he had been in nearly constant communication with my best friend of 10 years. He said that he "Clicked" with her and that they "connected on a lot" and what not. They cuddled together when I was asleep in the next room and the next morning when I was running errands.

 

He told her very intimate and personal details about our relationship to her without my permission and without me knowing. That destroyed me. I wouldn't care if he was just talking to his buddies, like whatever. But this is my best friend of 10 years! It felt like a line crossing.

 

I tried to be understanding of their feelings. But they also had to be considerate of mine.

 

After a lot of other emotional stuff between me and the ex, I went to my friend. Told her how the texting was hurting me. She apologized, agreed not to text and was extremely remorseful. My ex was sad that contact was stopping, he liked having people to talk to other than me, but he was understanding. They've ceased contact.

 

Things are still crazy with me and the ex, but my question is, do I trust this friend anymore? We've been friends a long time. We practically grew up together. She's never hurt me before, but there will need trust to be built back. She's a great person. She's genuinely wonderful. But if our roles were reversed, and her S.O. started talking to me, no matter what their situation was, I would tell her immediately and I certainly wouldn't participate.

 

I also ask because we're all in a friend group together. I was glad that my (now ex) boyfriend got along so well. And I was totally cool with friend overlap. I'm really not a jealous person. But at this point, I'm not that interested in all of us hanging out together. Is it petty or childish of me to draw the line is that these are my friends from school who I've all known for 10 years? This friend group consists of my friends from high school. I don't know if I should work on repairing our friendship or not.

 

Thanks for reading and for your advice. This is all really complex and confusing.

[wizer]

I don't really have an answer for you but in regards to your thread title I always wondered about that expression.

 

"Behind my back". Wouldn't it be more correct to say "in front of my back"?

 

Because "behind my back" would really be in front of you.

 

At least that's how I see it.

[minimariah]

They cuddled together when

Things are still crazy with me and the ex, but my question is, do I trust this friend anymore?

 

i honestly wouldn't.

they're obviously falling in love with each other (they cuddled while you were in another room? sleazy).

 

if i were you... i think i would always ask myself did he cheat on me with her at any point during our relationship and that doubt would probably eventually ruin the friendship anyway.

 

i wouldn't go NC or make a huge drama about it... but let's just say that i'd "downgrade" her to an acquaintance position in my life. i'm sure she's a wonderful person but... it is what it is. and i wouldn't "ban" them from contacting each other... they can do whatever they want. if THEY think that's okay - that tells you everything you need to know to deal with both of them.

 

nedless to say - i'd cut off the ex in a heartbeat.

[preraph]

She didn't seem remorseful until she got caught. Both of them betrayed you bigtime. You should't trust either of them again. A friend of 17 years betrayed me and I gave it 6 weeks for me to thinks straight and then kicked her out of my apartment and my life forever.

[Tayla]

Theme: I get to tell my ex and my former friend who they can and cannot talk or hang with.

 

Hmmmm.....Try this.

 

Theme: I am moving on .

 

End result: Happiness and a sense of relief from not having to manage other peoples lives .

[Kaiten]

I am a forgiving guy -- more than most. But the line for even me was drawn at the cuddling. That's never an accident or a slip up. The fact that this was an ongoing thing between them (while you and your ex were still together?) ... No sorry. Not a friend of mine.

[anika99]

If your best friend was "cuddling" with your boyfriend while you were still in a relationship with him then no, I absolutely wouldn't trust her as a friend.