Should I tell my friend her wrong doings?

[amkxoxo]

I have been trying to break up my stories and make them more simple. I met my good girlfriend Kelly through another friend and she and I have been very close. At first, we were so similar and we got along perfect. As time has passed, I have changed and grown up a lot and Kelly has not. She isn't immature, she just is stuck in a younger lifestyle for our age of 23. I also find Kelly very naive when it comes to people. She claims she is, but she hasn't experienced people hurting her all that much, or betrayal. Kelly has this friend named Brittany. I did not like Brittany when I first met her. I was not mean to her, but I just didn't get a good vibe from her. She has a big, loud girl who didn't seem to care about Kelly all that much. Kelly has told me stories of going to visit Brittany in college and how Brittany was very drunk, and it was just not a good time. I met Brittany once when she was extremely intoxicated and it wasn't a good first impression. Kelly talks like Brittany is one of her best friends and will be her maid of honor in her wedding, but I just don't understand why she feels this way. I am not even saying I want it to be me, but I just get a bad feeling about this girl.

 

I have become good friends with Kelly's guy friends and I enjoy hanging out with them. Lately though, I have noticed the guys aren't asking Kelly to do stuff as much as they ask me. One of the guys, who I am more friendly with, told me how he is sick of Kelly and doesn't enjoy talking to her anymore. Then he told me how one night when we all went out, when Brittany came, he went up to Brittany to say hello and make small talk. He said that Brittany was rude to him and he was thrown off. He said that Brittany told him "Oh well Kelly has told me all about the bad stuff that you have done."

 

My guy friend said she implied Kelly was talking bad about him. I think this hurt his feelings and he no longer cares to be around Kelly. It is awkward because I am friends with both of them. I feel so bad because Kelly has no idea. I am also mad because I think Brittany caused trouble for Kelly, and Kelly has no idea.

 

I don't want to get in the middle of it, but Kelly is oblivious to the situation. Its now become a weight on my shoulders when she and I talk. I would feel horrible if I told Kelly and it go back to my guy friend, because then he might not trust me. Kelly is one of my best friends. I feel like she needs to know about what Brittany did. I want to tell her, but I am unsure what the right plan of action would be?

[d0nnivain]

Lecturing your GF about her taste in friends isn't going to change her mind about this person.

 

All you can do is say you are not fond of Brittany & would prefer not to be around her. You are probably stuck going to Brittany's wedding since your GF is MOH. Perhaps marriage will calm her down. Otherwise just send your sympathies for her FI/STBH out to the universe.

 

My husband doesn't care for one of my friends for the same reason -- she's a messy troubled drunk -- so at his request I don't make him spend a lot of time with her. He will be stuck seeing her this weekend because we are all going to a wedding but I don't think they have seen each other since last summer.

[amkxoxo]

I didn't plan on telling her how much I dislike Brittany. That has no relevance. I just thought she should know that Brittany is saying stuff to her friends which in turn is losing friends for Kelly. Kelly has no idea why our guy friend is avoiding her. I would want to know if a friend of mine was telling other people that I say bad things about them. I just don't want drama and nonsense in my life so I have been keeping my mouth shut. For all I know, Kelly did say something bad about our male friend and Brittany took it all wrong. But even if Kelly told me something bad about one of our friends, I wouldn't go and tell such friend and treat such friend badly. So why Brittany did it is beyond me.

[preraph]

She'll learn soon enough that she's confessing all to the wrong person who is then going to use it to screw up her relationships. But just let her crash and burn. She's chosen her and probably likes how the girl is all interested in her drama, but of course that will backfire down the road. Just steer clear. And as you said, you two are growing in different directions now, which is perfectly normal at college age. You should both be changing.

[SpiralOut]

I don't think you should say anything at all unless she notices people acting differently and asks you why.

 

 

Most people go through a phase where they have a bad friend and don't realize it. It's not something that other people can save them from. Anything bad you say, she won't want to hear it. Stay away from the drama and let her figure it out on her own.

Edited April 16, 2015 by SpiralOut

[La Trese]

I have been trying to break up my stories and make them more simple. I met my good girlfriend Kelly through another friend and she and I have been very close. At first, we were so similar and we got along perfect. As time has passed, I have changed and grown up a lot and Kelly has not. She isn't immature, she just is stuck in a younger lifestyle for our age of 23. I also find Kelly very naive when it comes to people. She claims she is, but she hasn't experienced people hurting her all that much, or betrayal. Kelly has this friend named Brittany. I did not like Brittany when I first met her. I was not mean to her, but I just didn't get a good vibe from her. She has a big, loud girl who didn't seem to care about Kelly all that much. Kelly has told me stories of going to visit Brittany in college and how Brittany was very drunk, and it was just not a good time. I met Brittany once when she was extremely intoxicated and it wasn't a good first impression. Kelly talks like Brittany is one of her best friends and will be her maid of honor in her wedding, but I just don't understand why she feels this way. I am not even saying I want it to be me, but I just get a bad feeling about this girl.

 

I have become good friends with Kelly's guy friends and I enjoy hanging out with them. Lately though, I have noticed the guys aren't asking Kelly to do stuff as much as they ask me. One of the guys, who I am more friendly with, told me how he is sick of Kelly and doesn't enjoy talking to her anymore. Then he told me how one night when we all went out, when Brittany came, he went up to Brittany to say hello and make small talk. He said that Brittany was rude to him and he was thrown off. He said that Brittany told him "Oh well Kelly has told me all about the bad stuff that you have done."

 

My guy friend said she implied Kelly was talking bad about him. I think this hurt his feelings and he no longer cares to be around Kelly. It is awkward because I am friends with both of them. I feel so bad because Kelly has no idea. I am also mad because I think Brittany caused trouble for Kelly, and Kelly has no idea.

 

I don't want to get in the middle of it, but Kelly is oblivious to the situation. Its now become a weight on my shoulders when she and I talk. I would feel horrible if I told Kelly and it go back to my guy friend, because then he might not trust me. Kelly is one of my best friends. I feel like she needs to know about what Brittany did. I want to tell her, but I am unsure what the right plan of action would be?

 

I've been in the exact same situation, literally, as you and I told the girl and it all completely backfired. I told my Kelly that my Britney was ruining her friendship with someone that I got close too. The friend got mad at me, my version of Britney started going out of her way to turn my version of Kelly against me, and on top of that my "kelly" still refused to see how bad "Britney" was.

 

So no, please for the love of god do not get involved. If you want to help Kelly and feel bad for her, try convincing the guy friend to just tell her because it is making her sad and she has no clue, or if Kelly asks just tell her you there is a reason but she needs to directly ask him why.

[whichwayisup]

The guy friend should tell Kelly what Brittany said, you shouldn't be the one to say it to her.

 

Anyway, this girl (Kelly) has a right to choose whomever she wants to hang out with, unfortunately Brit is the fun girl and drinks a lot and she finds her intriguing maybe?

 

All you can do is distance yourself from her and focus on your other friends.

[whichwayisup]

I didn't plan on telling her how much I dislike Brittany. That has no relevance. I just thought she should know that Brittany is saying stuff to her friends which in turn is losing friends for Kelly. Kelly has no idea why our guy friend is avoiding her. I would want to know if a friend of mine was telling other people that I say bad things about them. I just don't want drama and nonsense in my life so I have been keeping my mouth shut. For all I know, Kelly did say something bad about our male friend and Brittany took it all wrong. But even if Kelly told me something bad about one of our friends, I wouldn't go and tell such friend and treat such friend badly. So why Brittany did it is beyond me.

 

It is up to the guy who heard Brit has been saying stuff to talk to both her and Kelly. Then again, this falls back on Kelly who is has told Brit these stories so really, which is worse? Kelly gossiping to Brit and Brit spreading the gossip around?