pygora1994 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 My ex contacted me late last night. For the record we are friends, and on good terms. he is having problems with a mutual friend of ours. They go back a long time, and used to be very close. I met her through him, and haven't known her for as long. When we broke up last year, he briefly dated her (two months). For the last 9 month since they broke up their friendship has been fragile at best. I get the sense that he has been doing his best to hold on to the friendship. The things she said to him and her actions are having there toll on him. he told me last night he just can't deal with it anymore. that this was the first time he had cried in years. I had issues with her before, but I attributed that to the fact he and I broke up and she was his friend first. But this seems more like a pattern she has developed. my best friend (convoluted story how we became bffs) used to be close with her but they are no longer friends. It seems like she has driven away almost all of her close long time friends. She plays the victim card a lot when she gets into fights with her friends. I really want to ask her wtf is going on because causing all this pain isn't cool. It only seems like this has been an issue for the last year or so with her. I don't have a direct conflict with her, but her actions are making me uncomfortable. I'm just not sure what to do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 She may be the center of the storm, but the truth is he's the one that isn't willing to let go and get out of her life so that he is no longer in the center of the storm dealing with it. Don't enable him by letting him draw you into this deal and giving him false hope that if enough people think she should change, that she will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pygora1994 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 I don't want to be dragged into it or give him false hope. I am pissed though that she made him upset enough to cry. Nothing ever upsets him that much. He is a pretty tough person, and it takes him a lot to put him in the position he was in. I saw her the day before she did this, and it seemed like she was okay and happy then, I don't know what changed, but from what I know it was completely uncalled for. Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Sometimes people have traits of personality disorders or bipolar and they get more or less intense over time. To me, she sounds like she is both struggling and toxic. I guess you have to decide where your limits are in helping her. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I don't want to be dragged into it or give him false hope. I am pissed though that she made him upset enough to cry. Nothing ever upsets him that much. He is a pretty tough person, and it takes him a lot to put him in the position he was in. I saw her the day before she did this, and it seemed like she was okay and happy then, I don't know what changed, but from what I know it was completely uncalled for. My point is that rewarding him with a lot of sympathy and going beyond the role of an uninvolved bystander for him may only perpetuate the problem because then he's getting something out of having her in his life -- which is a lot of attention from you. He needs to hit bottom with her and get away from her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pygora1994 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 I just don't want him to feel like **** because his friend isn't treating him right. He tried to be patient with her and its not getting better. I don't think its my place to mediate between them, but I don't know if I should distance myself from her or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Sorry OP but preraph is giving you some pretty sound advice here. I would take notice. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I just don't want him to feel like **** because his friend isn't treating him right. He tried to be patient with her and its not getting better. I don't think its my place to mediate between them, but I don't know if I should distance myself from her or not. You should get out of the middle of it. It only makes things more dramatic having another party involved -- and it also gives both of them a third person to blame if either is looking to excuse the other and not see reality. Link to post Share on other sites
howlongsober Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I have the same issue, see A journey to ... Link to post Share on other sites
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