Friend takes and takes and never gives

[Crila16]

I met my friend Tara (T) through my other Meredith (M) about 2 years ago. M has known her for 20 yrs.

 

Anyway, T has been out of work for about 3 yrs now. About a year ago when her unemployment ran out, I got her a temp job for a month at my company as an assistant. She was a bit attitudinal, because she felt the job was demeaning and beneath her. She was used to being a manager position in finance.

 

She finally got a job around xmas, only to be laid off 2 week later. I felt horrible for her, so I begged my company to give her one more chance to temp at least through the holiday. They didn't want to, but I pleaded and they finally agreed. I sat down with T and told her, you better give 100%. I put myself on the line for you. 3 months later, she's still here and even considering taking the job full-time until she can find a job doing what she really wants to do. She'll be sitting right next to me.

 

Anyway...i've been hanging with her a lot. I let her drink all my wine when she comes over, I cook for her, I drive her home...all to help her save $. I think I've been a really good friend.

 

Well...I met a gorgeous guy friend (Mark) of hers by accident one day, while he was with his girlfriend. I remember thinking...wow. Totally my type, but taken...so off limits. A week passed, and T said Mark asked about you, he thinks you're pretty. I said "Oh...that's nice, but he's taken." She said "No...he's one of my best friends, and he's miserable with that girl. He's been with her for 1-1/2 yrs and lives with her because he was laid off from his job and no place to go. He won't touch her and just overall is miserable." I said, when he's done with her...then we'll hook something up. She said "Why wait. Now is the time to act." I let it go and didn't push for anything.

 

7 mos passed. Accidentally bumped into Mark and his girl again. He and I ended up talking for a few and there was a definitely connection. T kept interrupting us. She C-ck blocked me. I called her out on it, and she played dumb. T then told me...he just got a new job and wants to fly the coop soon. He's so unhappy with her. I said then stop C blocking me and let us hang out in a group and see if there's definitely something worth pursuing. She said "yes...but his gf is always around. When she's not around, that's the perfect time." 2 days later she tells me "Mark asked about you again."

 

Another week passed, she says "Mark asked about you again, and wanted to know things, likes and dislikes, where you lived, where you were from, how he thinks you're beautiful." T was encouraging this and pushing it. She said "He likes you and he won't be single for long once he and his gf are completely done." I said "Maybe this summer when it's nice". She said "why wait? How about now?" I said OK.

 

2 mos have passed. I asked if she was ever going to hook something up. She says yes...of course. You two are perfect together. For some reason...you and he always seem to miss each other. T makes plans with me, I sometimes may have to cancel at the last min or I'm not around on the weekend...and she always says "Oh...it's a shame you couldn't make it. He ended up coming over." It's every single time when I can't be there.

 

Well. I had told her my cousin was coming in 2 weeks. He's single, hot and she'll fall head over heels for him (I don't think he will for her though, but you never know). She saw his pic and is pushing me to meet him. I said, yes...of course I'll do that for you. We'll help each other out.

 

2 days later, I find out from Meredith, Marks gf is out of town for the week. I confront T about it. She gets defensive and says "I thought I told you." I said No...and we spoke 3 times today. Then she screams "but he has a gf." I said you told me and everyone they're breaking up and he's miserable. She said "Ok...you're right. But relax. You'll meet him." I said this is the perfect week. She got all defensive and said "relax...it will happen. I promise." Well...it's almost Friday. She hasn't mentioned anything and the gf is back Saturday morning. She did ask me to hang Friday night to try to meet guys at a bar. I wanted to scream "Are you kidding me?" She also wants me to go speed dating with her. No way.

 

Today she keep saying, "I'm so excited to meet your cousin in 2 weeks. I'm dieting and everything" (she's a DUFF).

 

So basically...I got her a job, she drinks all my wine, eats my food, I drive her home to save $,and I was going to introduce her to my cousin...and she's never done a thing for me. She hasn't introduced me to Mark who lives right across the street from her, in 9 months. She got my hopes up, she led me on, and is now acting like I'm the insane one for trying to push it along to happen.

 

I think this post is more of me just venting. I'm furious and want to cut her off as a friend, but now she most likely will be working here. Now she's even more clingy and super friendly cause she wants my cousin who lives 4 hours away, and she won't introduce me to a guy 5 min away.

[badpenny]

Either find out where she lives and call on Mark (he 'lives right across the street from her') yourself, or tell her your cousin is getting engaged.....

[d0nnivain]

Didn't you get the message that the universe has been screaming at you?

 

 

You begged your employer to rehire despite their reservations? That was a risky move on your part.

 

 

What kind of ethics do you really think she has if she keeps telling you this guy is going to break up with his GF but he never does? Her credibility isn't there.

 

 

If in all this time she never so much as bought you a bottle of wine or paid for gas, what makes you think she's going to be any more generous of spirit?

 

 

Introduce her to your cousin as you promised to do but warn him ahead of time that she's a user. Then wean yourself off this toxic friendship.

[Crila16]

Thanks for your responses.

 

Believe me. I now know she's no friend and she is toxic and I'm an idiot for being as nice and as giving as I was. I felt bad for her, because she was broke and she comes across as a very sweet girl.

 

I don't think I can introduce her to my cousin though. I don't want to hang around her at all. Work is going to be hard enough. I have other friends who are awesome, healthy, supportive friends. I don't need this girl in my life on more than a professional level.

[whichwayisup]

Forget Mark. He has a girlfriend and for whatever reason, they haven't broken up yet. If he becomes single then date him, until then stay away.

 

Yes your friend is clingy and relies on you but you did so much for her, opened the door and she took advantage of your kindness and now expects it.

 

Time to put some distance between you and her, change the dynamic, don't go out of your way to help her, stop spending so much time with her and if she does end up working with you, keep it light and professional.

 

Don't introduce her to your cousin, especially since now you know how she is. IF she asks about him, tell her he is seeing someone now.

[Tayla]

doubt this person is a friend. cut the ties. you did your good samaritan deed and learned an important lesson. never allow a leech to darken your door step. Learn to be skeptical in a healthy way. That Mark guy is off limits. keep it that way. you would be his rebound and that is not anyway to start off. you seem to have a good heart, may it be valued by others. best to you.

[WhiteOrchid]

Try to start separating yourself from this "friend." She will continue to take and take until you have no more to give. Yes, it will be much harder now that you work together but you can limit the time you spend with her outside of work. No more letting her mooch off of you. And do not under any circumstances introduce her to your cousin.

 

You should also forget about this Mark person. Red flags everywhere there. First of all, he is in a relationship with someone else. Second of all, he seems like another user. He's supposedly "miserable" but is going to stay with this terrible girlfriend of his because he has nowhere else to go? Whatever. That is not a man worth getting to know.

[SpiralOut]

I find it weird that she keeps dangling this guy in front of you then snatching him away. Seems like a game to me.

 

 

I don't think you should introduce her to your cousin. Make up a believable excuse like he is too busy with work to come visit.

[anika99]

I question the integrity of your friend when she is so eager to push you to go after a guy with a gf, but I guess that doesn't bother you so much as you seem perfectly willing to go along with it and hook up with the guy.

 

 

If this rant is about your friend always taking from you then just stop giving her so much. Let her learn to be self reliant and take care of herself or find other people to take from. However your rant seems to be more about her not helping you hook up with this guy so you can help him cheat on his gf, and really that's not her job. Yeah I get that she was encouraging you to go for it but maybe it doesn't really sit right with her for whatever reason. If you are determined to be with this man who is just with his gf so he can use her, then ask your friend for his phone number and send him a text. If he's interested he'll take the bait.