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I'm the only single one of my friends...


thecrucible

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I'm 25 and have been single for a few months now. I hope to meet a nice guy at some point and get into another relationship but it isn't a high priority in my life just now. My main priority is to pursue my dream career, save money to become financially independent from my parents (who I currently live with), and to make new friends. So I do a lot of studying, charity work, have a part-time job and I have my fitness goals. Then I fit in some dating here and there. I find with the dating that the more I try and orchestrate things, the more lonely I feel and the less relaxed I am on dates. I do get enough interest, just haven't found someone I click with...

 

 

 

 

Anyway most of my friends are in serious relationships. I choose not to talk too much about dating stuff around them as I try and focus on other stuff going on in my life. But I have one friend who chooses to bring this up. I never question myself until she brings it up asking if I have someone yet, am I trying all avenues etc? Have I tried this? Have I tried that? And I'm never rude to her but I get a bit freaked out by it. I'm literally not that uncomfortable with being single as I have other things in life to feel positive about. But sometimes I feel like as a young single woman, some other women think there must be something wrong with me lol. Does anyone else ever experience this?

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I haven't experienced that exact situation, but it's common for topics to come up in conversations with people that I don't want to discuss with them. If one of those topics comes up, I'll tell them I don't feel the need to discuss that. I've found that 99% of people will respect that.

 

If the topic is still pushed, I will distance myself from that person in the future.

 

I don't have much tolerance for nosy people.

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I get where you are coming from. Are you content with your goal plan? seeems to me you are. its healthy to work and keep sight of where you want to be. enjoy these years, you are doing fine with your ambitions.

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Standard-Fare

Sometimes women who are married/in serious relationships have some fun hearing about "the single life," and even feel some intrigue o envy about it. So maybe there's some of that going on.

 

But if you feel like your friend(s) are coming at it from a more judgy/critical place, you should gently tell them you're not worried about it and they shouldn't be either, and that you're not looking for tips or pity. If it continues, be less gentle.

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I get where you are coming from. Are you content with your goal plan? seeems to me you are. its healthy to work and keep sight of where you want to be. enjoy these years, you are doing fine with your ambitions.

 

 

Thank you Tayla. Yes I think you are right. I think it touched a nerve because I still desire love as well at some point. I mean I have my moments where I think it would give a little extra to my life. I wouldn't say I'm deliberately trying to be single; I'm just not going with just anyone unless there's a mutually strong interest in each other. But I'm comfortable with the idea of me as a single person. I think it's the feeling of being under scrutiny. It's like if I asked for advice, this would be cool but it's when people come in with their advice and you're not asking for it...that's when it gets weird for me.

 

 

I stayed calm...didn't show any annoyance, I just moved the conversation on to another topic. I couldn't talk with her in much detail at the time because she is always with her boyfriend when I see her - I don't spend much time with her just alone with her doing things.

 

 

Sometimes women who are married/in serious relationships have some fun hearing about "the single life," and even feel some intrigue o envy about it. So maybe there's some of that going on.

 

 

Yes that could be it too. When I next shoot her off a message I'll explain things a bit but I'm not overly annoyed or anything. She and another of my friends fell out over something similar as my friend (who's in a long term relationship) felt a bit crowded by her interest in talking through problems. I hope they make up though.

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If your other friend had a problem with her for similar reasons then she is probably a nosy person who doesn't mean any harm, just doesn't realize how annoying she is being. Maybe tell her that when you have good news about your love life you will tell her about it. In the meantime, you don't want to talk about it. You don't even need to explain why. You can just say you are tired of talking about it.

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Just tell her that you're in no hurry and that you're having a good time being single at the moment. Usually when someone is prodding like that, they're sometimes just trying to get you to say you wish you were like then and they're just looking for validation that they did the right thing. I find if you're confident about what you are doing yourself, far fewer people will try to make you feel less than for being single or without kids. I used to tell people, back when I had a really exciting career, when asked why I wasn't married "I got better things to do."

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My old workplace was always like this with older married females. They did it in a pushy, rude way too. One of them even asked if I was gay!

I think that was very rude. I tried to tell her it's unusual for young people to marry at 18-20 years old, like she did.

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Try being single for the last two years. There just isn't much of a dating scene where I'm from unless you attend that university and those guys are pretty much looking for one thing (most of the time, not all the time). I'm pretty okay with waiting until someone wows me. Up until I cut out a lot of my friends (for being toxic or just nothing gainful in my life) they were all in long term relationships. I guess I envy people in relationships since I do everything I should until I meet the one. I work out 5-6 times a week, cut toxic friends, got new friends, and halfway through my grad program come summer. I just feel like at times, I'm never going to end up getting married. I get the feeling about being asked about your dating life. I'm not even trying at this point, except for bettering myself. Maybe you can tell your friend you are just trying to make yourself better (though I'm sure you're already great as is) for the one you're waiting for.

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But sometimes I feel like as a young single woman, some other women think there must be something wrong with me lol. Does anyone else ever experience this?

 

Yes. Been through all that. Have had plenty say why are you not married/had kids etc. In my experience and in certain areas surrounding the one I currently live in, I believe that people most likely to say this are limited in education and life experience so turned to breeding/"relationships"(I say this because they are fed and housed by the state) as something to do to pass the time and make it seem like only abnormal people are not like them.

 

Starting to care less and less now...its sad at times but:

 

*My married friends have told me to enjoy the single life and really cherish every moment

*My married (or otherwise partnered) friends with kids say enjoy it because they do not know what a decent night's sleep is anymore

*Some of them think I have had cool experiences in life-worked abroad briefly, travelled, made friends in other places. Things they have never done

*Some of them have told me that just because you don't meet and marry someone young, you might have a better quality relationship when you are a bit older

*Some have said that marriage is really not a fairytale and its not all its cracked up to be. Neither is having kids.

*One colleague(although he was a lot older, old enough to be my dad) told me that you must never look at someone and think that what they have is better or their life is blissful because you never know. He has three kids, one is a tearaway who he is always stressing him and the wife...so as he says, life isn't all you think it will be...

 

I do live in somewhat rapidly fading hope though...:o

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