smg15 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 A former friend of mine posting a picture of her and her girlfriends hanging out and I noticed one of her friends resembled a TV anchor. So I made the comment in her FB thread and she responded "OMG smg15 that is the second time you said that and you are starting to come off as a stalker" STALKER? That instantly angered me and hurt my feelings and I had to delete her and her phone number out of my phone because that is not something you say about a friend PUBLICLY. So I had to end the friendship because I don't want to be referred to as a stalker by anyone. And I forgot I made that comment before but friends to refer to another friend as a stalker. So I had no choice but to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
StalwartMind Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 I don't see how making a comment about how someone resembles a TV anchor, relates to being a stalker. Perhaps it was a really good thing to end that relationship if your friend(s) resolve to completely irrelevant name calling. I'm well aware, especially guys can "joke" intensively with each other, some families can too and everyone is on board. This just feels dodgy at best, I don't really get "public" insulting either, some people I guess are just okay with drama for everyone to see. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 I don't see how making a comment about how someone resembles a TV anchor, relates to being a stalker. Perhaps it was a really good thing to end that relationship if your friend(s) resolve to completely irrelevant name calling. I'm well aware, especially guys can "joke" intensively with each other, some families can too and everyone is on board. This just feels dodgy at best, I don't really get "public" insulting either, some people I guess are just okay with drama for everyone to see. I agree. Even though you apparently had said that comment before, your so called 'friend' totally over reacted and shouldn't have said anything about it. What is the big deal, you mentioned the same thing twice, why did she get her panties in a twist about it? So stupid! Link to post Share on other sites
Author smg15 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 I agree. Even though you apparently had said that comment before, your so called 'friend' totally over reacted and shouldn't have said anything about it. What is the big deal, you mentioned the same thing twice, why did she get her panties in a twist about it? So stupid! My other friend said it could be jealousy which would be extra dumb Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Calling you a stalker wasn't great but one comment by her against a 5 year friendship? Seems to me you both over reacted. Calm down & when you are rational again, calmly talk to her. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smg15 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 I don't see how making a comment about how someone resembles a TV anchor, relates to being a stalker. Perhaps it was a really good thing to end that relationship if your friend(s) resolve to completely irrelevant name calling. I'm well aware, especially guys can "joke" intensively with each other, some families can too and everyone is on board. This just feels dodgy at best, I don't really get "public" insulting either, some people I guess are just okay with drama for everyone to see. A real friend would not have used that word to describe me and it actually messed up my lunch. So now I am focused on dinner lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Over-reaction alert... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smg15 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 Over-reaction alert... Not a overreaction because if I was a true stalker her friend would have received a PM or a friend request and neither one of those things never happened. So that stalker didn't sit too well with me Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Not a overreaction because if I was a true stalker her friend would have received a PM or a friend request and neither one of those things never happened. So that stalker didn't sit too well with me It was a joke!!! Lighten up! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
La Trese Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 To be honest that would probably bug me too. In my past failed friendships, once someone disrespects you...even if you are the one who percieves it as disrespect and its not their intention....the friendship is destined to fail. I had this one friend that joked I was stupid because I like to act silly....even though I was top of our class and she was in remedial classes. I let it slide as a joke so many times but eventually I had enough and told her to stop, and she kept doing it. It turned out that she was really trying to put me down, probably because of jealousy. When someone disrespects you like that, especially publicly, it just makes you unhappy and on your toes all the time. So yeah, its fine if you get mad. If she really respects you she will ask why you unfriended her and you can tell her....if she doesn't ask why...then she really didn't respect you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 I had a similar instance happen with my friends (who we are on the rocks with now). I made an off-color joke to some girl that was pretty inappropriate but funny, and he accused me of making friends "totally not creepily" or something like that. Thread on facebook had like 30 people in it. I sent him a wtf are you doing text, he apologized and offered to delete the post. That's all you have to do. Deleting someone from facebook is silly to begin with but I think you way overreacted here, especially since other posters think the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smg15 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 I had a similar instance happen with my friends (who we are on the rocks with now). I made an off-color joke to some girl that was pretty inappropriate but funny, and he accused me of making friends "totally not creepily" or something like that. Thread on facebook had like 30 people in it. I sent him a wtf are you doing text, he apologized and offered to delete the post. That's all you have to do. Deleting someone from facebook is silly to begin with but I think you way overreacted here, especially since other posters think the same thing. i don't ever want anyone referring to me as a stalker, especially since I have too many hobbies to stalk anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 i don't ever want anyone referring to me as a stalker, especially since I have too many hobbies to stalk anyone. You seem extremely sensitive to the word "stalker". Is there something from your past that makes you hate that word? Had it been me, I don't think I would have been upset by being called a stalker, I would have been upset just by the whole tone of the reply. I would have been hurt that my friend seemed to deliberately try to publicly humiliate and embarrass me. That's what friends don't do. I wouldn't say friends don't call friends stalkers. Friends say a lot of things to each other, sometimes in seriousness and sometimes in jest, so I wouldn't get to upset if me and a friend were kidding around and she jokingly called me a stalker, but things like that don't look the same on a public website like facebook. I also don't think I'd completely wipe out a friendship over it either, unless the person was actually more of an acquaintance than a friend. If I considered them a real friend then I would wait for my hurt feelings and anger to subside a bit and then I would tell my friend that the comment was hurtful and I felt humiliated. Hopefully she would understand and sincerely apologize. Maybe she wouldn't but I'd at least give her a chance. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 I would have said something like "ouch that was harsh" and left it at that. Anybody viewing it could then see that you meant no harm and she was being a jerk. It's odd that she is calling you a stalker when she is the one who pays such close attention to what you say and to who and how many times you say it. I bet you anything she was projecting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smg15 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 You seem extremely sensitive to the word "stalker". Is there something from your past that makes you hate that word? Had it been me, I don't think I would have been upset by being called a stalker, I would have been upset just by the whole tone of the reply. I would have been hurt that my friend seemed to deliberately try to publicly humiliate and embarrass me. That's what friends don't do. I wouldn't say friends don't call friends stalkers. Friends say a lot of things to each other, sometimes in seriousness and sometimes in jest, so I wouldn't get to upset if me and a friend were kidding around and she jokingly called me a stalker, but things like that don't look the same on a public website like facebook. I also don't think I'd completely wipe out a friendship over it either, unless the person was actually more of an acquaintance than a friend. If I considered them a real friend then I would wait for my hurt feelings and anger to subside a bit and then I would tell my friend that the comment was hurtful and I felt humiliated. Hopefully she would understand and sincerely apologize. Maybe she wouldn't but I'd at least give her a chance. I guess because the word stalker and my actions were not connected. yes I noticed her friend and thought she was attractive but never sent her a friend request or private message. And that's what I thought stalking meant lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author smg15 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 I would have said something like "ouch that was harsh" and left it at that. Anybody viewing it could then see that you meant no harm and she was being a jerk. It's odd that she is calling you a stalker when she is the one who pays such close attention to what you say and to who and how many times you say it. I bet you anything she was projecting. Yeah funny that she made mental note of how many times I said it Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 I agree that you over-reacted. The word "stalker" triggered something deep inside you that you feel insecure about. What is it? Do you feel like the friendship between you two is unbalanced in some day? I think her sarcastic remark to you wasn't said to hurt you but was said in jest. The fact that you use it as the reason to end your friendship, shows that this 5 year friendship wasn't exactly a healthy one between you both. Otherwise, her comment would have rolled off your back like water and not bothered you. There's a reason you chose this significant moment to end the friendship. "Stalker" was the straw that broke the camel's back for you. Obviously, there's more going on here than just name calling... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smg15 Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 I agree that you over-reacted. The word "stalker" triggered something deep inside you that you feel insecure about. What is it? Do you feel like the friendship between you two is unbalanced in some day? I think her sarcastic remark to you wasn't said to hurt you but was said in jest. The fact that you use it as the reason to end your friendship, shows that this 5 year friendship wasn't exactly a healthy one between you both. Otherwise, her comment would have rolled off your back like water and not bothered you. There's a reason you chose this significant moment to end the friendship. "Stalker" was the straw that broke the camel's back for you. Obviously, there's more going on here than just name calling... There was no LOL after her comment which means she was serious Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 You seem to have a few issues with people. Some work things, this and I believe family issues (I think I have the right poster)? There is one common denominator - you. You ended a 5 year 'friendship' over the word stalker? This sounds incredibly juvenile and immature. Maybe you should work on your interpersonal relationships and your anger when people don't behave how you decide they should behave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smg15 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 You seem to have a few issues with people. Some work things, this and I believe family issues (I think I have the right poster)? There is one common denominator - you. You ended a 5 year 'friendship' over the word stalker? This sounds incredibly juvenile and immature. Maybe you should work on your interpersonal relationships and your anger when people don't behave how you decide they should behave. Because she was serious and I don't appreciate her referring to me as a stalker. And she also could have sent me that in a PM instead of saying it publicly Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Because she was serious and I don't appreciate her referring to me as a stalker. If you hadn't cut her out of your life immediately, you probably could have asked her if she was serious about that comment and what she meant by it. You have to admit that saying, "Jenny looks like Natalie Morales" (or whoever) twice comes off as a bit weird, right? You don't know Jenny personally, and to her you're just some dude on Facebook who singled her out in a couple of group photos to comment on her appearance. I bet your friend picked up on that being borderline inappropriate and tried to let you know in a jokey, sarcastic kind of way. She clearly failed, just like you clearly failed to achieve whatever you were attempting to achieve by your comments. Surely your friend has noticed by now that you've deleted her or blocked her or whatever? Has she tried to contact you since then? If she hasn't, why do you think that is? Link to post Share on other sites
Author smg15 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 If you hadn't cut her out of your life immediately, you probably could have asked her if she was serious about that comment and what she meant by it. You have to admit that saying, "Jenny looks like Natalie Morales" (or whoever) twice comes off as a bit weird, right? You don't know Jenny personally, and to her you're just some dude on Facebook who singled her out in a couple of group photos to comment on her appearance. I bet your friend picked up on that being borderline inappropriate and tried to let you know in a jokey, sarcastic kind of way. She clearly failed, just like you clearly failed to achieve whatever you were attempting to achieve by your comments. Surely your friend has noticed by now that you've deleted her or blocked her or whatever? Has she tried to contact you since then? If she hasn't, why do you think that is? After thinking about it I guess it was weird. And Im sure she won't know she has been deleted because she has 600 friends. She will only know when it shows up in her feed that one of our mutual friends is commenting on one of my posts Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 If you hadn't cut her out of your life immediately, you probably could have asked her if she was serious about that comment and what she meant by it. You have to admit that saying, "Jenny looks like Natalie Morales" (or whoever) twice comes off as a bit weird, right? You don't know Jenny personally, and to her you're just some dude on Facebook who singled her out in a couple of group photos to comment on her appearance. I bet your friend picked up on that being borderline inappropriate and tried to let you know in a jokey, sarcastic kind of way. She clearly failed, just like you clearly failed to achieve whatever you were attempting to achieve by your comments. Surely your friend has noticed by now that you've deleted her or blocked her or whatever? Has she tried to contact you since then? If she hasn't, why do you think that is? I don't agree. Have you seriously never once in your life repeated yourself? Sometimes we forget what we say, sometimes when something seems uncanny or unusual to us, we call attention to it more than once. Have you never had anyone in your life you has told you the same stories over and over again, until you want to stab your own eardrums, lol. The fact that the OP made the same simple observation twice instead of once is not weird at all. People do that all of the time. It doesn't make her obsessed or unbalanced or weird. Nor do I blame her for feeling hurt or humiliated by the friends reply. Maybe the friend meant it as joke but the tone and the wording sounded caustic and insulting. Still I would not have immediately cut the friend out of my life. I would have privately contacted her and told her how her comment affected me and asked why she said it. Maybe she has offended other by her comments on facebook and just really wasn't aware of how she comes across. I would give her a chance to explain her intention and at the same time maybe she would learn to be more aware of her tone and wording on her facebook posts. I know that whenever I want to tease or joke with someone on facebook I will read my post back to myself several times to make sure it's clear that I'm joking and that it can't be taken as an insult. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smg15 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 I don't agree. Have you seriously never once in your life repeated yourself? Sometimes we forget what we say, sometimes when something seems uncanny or unusual to us, we call attention to it more than once. Have you never had anyone in your life you has told you the same stories over and over again, until you want to stab your own eardrums, lol. The fact that the OP made the same simple observation twice instead of once is not weird at all. People do that all of the time. It doesn't make her obsessed or unbalanced or weird. Nor do I blame her for feeling hurt or humiliated by the friends reply. Maybe the friend meant it as joke but the tone and the wording sounded caustic and insulting. Still I would not have immediately cut the friend out of my life. I would have privately contacted her and told her how her comment affected me and asked why she said it. Maybe she has offended other by her comments on facebook and just really wasn't aware of how she comes across. I would give her a chance to explain her intention and at the same time maybe she would learn to be more aware of her tone and wording on her facebook posts. I know that whenever I want to tease or joke with someone on facebook I will read my post back to myself several times to make sure it's clear that I'm joking and that it can't be taken as an insult. Also I am not interested in her friend anymore since she just had a new born in 2014. All I was doing is making a observation at how her and the anchorwoman looks like twins Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 I don't agree. Have you seriously never once in your life repeated yourself? I never said I hadn't. And it's less about the repetition and more about it being an odd thing to say to a stranger in the first place. It would be like stopping someone on the street to tell them they look like some famous person. It's kind of...pointless? There are better ways to get the attention of/start a conversation with an attractive woman. Link to post Share on other sites
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