Xiang Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 Hi. Maybe it's just me but i always seemd to find myself in such situations or my brain is over-doing it. But friends always leave me for better(funner) friends. I always find myself on the losing end, in fact i am sure it isn't just my imagination. Lost my 14 year old friend back in high school when he got new buddies that "were funner than me" his own words. My curent friends and others i've lost only talk to me in 1 on 1 situations or when they are probably boored. In a group noone listens to me let alone know i am there. They might make a remark and notice. They talk when nothing better is about, but when the other funner friend shows up, i'm totally left out. Not invite, not talked to, i'm just there for THEM when lonely... Worst thing that ever happened was hanging with a group for half a year and they didn't know my name. "A: Wheres X? B/C/D: who's X? " ._. A being my older friend that the rest always called in town...but not me, they called him, he just took me with him. I literally ment nothing to those guys. Sorry for my rant...i just don't understand why i am so unimportant to everyone. If i died, noone would even care except my mom. What are friends, really?:\...In the end they are your friend if you are beneficial to them in some way... Link to post Share on other sites
WonderWoman911 Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 Hi Xiang, maybe you should try to find different activities or hobbies that you enjoy doing where you can meet people who have your same interest. Im sure you are a fun person in your own way,you just have to find people who are similar to you somehow. Once you meet your new friend(s), everything between the two of you may not be identical, but as long as a few traits are similar a true friendship can be build. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 If you want friendship, be friendly. If you want fun, be fun. If you want love, be loving. If you want peace, be peaceful. If you want help, be helpful. If you want forgiveness, be forgiving. If you want kindness, be kind. I could carry on listing, but I think you'll understand my point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
toscaroscura Posted December 29, 2014 Share Posted December 29, 2014 You seem quite young yet, and for the most part, kids' friendships tend to be on the shallow end. Meaning, it's about who is cool and more fun, or whether they like the same stuff as you, or about popularity. You'll find that deeper friendships, with true meeting of minds and personalities, happens later in life. Hang in there, and meanwhile do what Satu suggests. BE the kind of friend you WANT, but know that a deep friendship might be a few years out for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiang Posted December 29, 2014 Author Share Posted December 29, 2014 That was a example, i am no kid anymore, mid 20's. Sure, make new friends..i did, and now some other new ones appeared in the group, again. Wich seem to be better than me so my old friends are now spending more time with them, thrilled about the new toys and leaving me out. Kinda sad because i introduced them but i didn't expect them to steal eachother from me...i feel neglected now. I barely get to talk to them or hang-out. With either my old friends or the new guys i helped meet up with. Do you at least think i should mention and talk about it with them? Or just...let it be. Link to post Share on other sites
toscaroscura Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 That was a example, i am no kid anymore, mid 20's. Sure, make new friends..i did, and now some other new ones appeared in the group, again. Wich seem to be better than me so my old friends are now spending more time with them, thrilled about the new toys and leaving me out. Kinda sad because i introduced them but i didn't expect them to steal eachother from me...i feel neglected now. I barely get to talk to them or hang-out. With either my old friends or the new guys i helped meet up with. Do you at least think i should mention and talk about it with them? Or just...let it be. The 20s can be rough too. My 20s were filled with flaky friends and people that drifted in and out of my life. With that being said, I ask you: are you deliberately being excluded by these people, or are you still hanging out but are unhappy with the attention they pay you? Because if they are purposely shunning you, I'd say just ditch these jerks and their cliquish games. But if they aren't.. Well forgive me I mean no harm, you do sound like a bit of a sad sack. I use to be like this too! I'd be at a gathering and everyone would seem to be laughing and having fun. No one would be purposely cutting me out, but I still felt left-out and resentful. I would sulk and wish they could read my mind and "include" me (but in reality I was the one secluding myself by brooding). It tends to happen to introverts I've noticed, especially before we have learned the necessary social skills to smoothly fit into a group. The thing is, these people are probably just getting along and having fun and not really thinking they are doing anything TO you. You need to go with the flow and not take them hitting it off as them excluding you. You need to get more aggressive about getting included and not just always wait for their invite. Chances are, they'll be happy to have fun with you too! Who knows, they may think you WANT to be left alone if you tend to be quiet and seem like you're having no fun. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Do you at least think i should mention and talk about it with them? Or just...let it be. No, because I'm sure they'd view that as not fun. I have no idea what you are like, but if you're acting needy or whiny or unable for any reason to just relax and have fun, then that can run people off. With guys, if you want to talk too much, even that can run some of them off. It's good one told you it's because you're not as funny, I suppose. Now ask another one what it is about you that they think keeps you from forming close friendships. Someone ought to be able to tell you. Usually someone will tell you whether you ask or not! They'll jump on your case for being too serious or too quiet or too loud or too drunk or too sarcastic or too whiny, etc. Pay close attention to any complaining they do to you, even if it's only brief and they do not want to talk further about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Xiang Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 i guess it's cuz i'm to quiet, what i am ussually told ._. . PS: Well whatever...happy new year to ya folk. Was ment to go visit my friends for new eve, but the heavy snowing has blocked all roads/trains and i'm stuck xD. Woo !.. Link to post Share on other sites
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