How to deal with a friend like this

[MillyZon4]

I have a close friend I have known for several years who introduced me to my fiance. My friend is gay and has always been a good confidant to me throughout my relationships; it was only fitting he would introduce me to the man of my life. My fiance and I have a wonderful, loving relationship.

I have sensed my friend becoming extremely sensitive about the situation as he feels our friendship has shifted a little. If I am honest, it has made my friend and I spend more time together and closer than ever. It may have a slightly different dynamic than before, however, but for me this is only normal when shifting into a relationship that demands a lot of our time and energy. I have made a very kind and conscious effort to make sure he does not feel left out as I know how sensitive he is.

 

The problem is, this friend cuts people off when they don't behave in a manner he likes. He says this is because he would do "anything for his friends" and he holds them to a very high standard. He has always told me I am very special to him and he loves me very much, that I am the "love of his life" and he would be with me if he weren't gay. He even said he would marry me if I were up for it. This is where I shifted from feeling safe and loved to slightly uncomfortable and unsure of his true intentions. His oversensitivity lately with everything is becoming really intense. Recently, I invited him out to hang with my fiance and I (my friend and I had some alone time earlier that week) and he never replied. Then later, we randomly bumped into him at a bar where he was joining some other friends. He said to his friends "Oh, i just ran into them, I didn't invite them" before giving my fiance and I the cold shoulder the entire night despite repeated attempts tom get them to join us. We were ignored on purpose to make some kind of statement. It was intentional and extremely hurtful/rude. I was really upset and know he somehow feels justified in his mind as it was an opportunity for him to be passive aggressive about our friendship changing. I know for a fact that if I had done this to him, he would not longer be speaking to me. I value his friendship, but am extremely disappointed at how I was treated and definitely see him in a different light. He is constantly overreacting to little things I say which always have good intentions behind them as well.

 

I love my friend but I also don't want to be pushed around in this way. I am not sure of what to do or if anyone has some insight and advice.

 

Please help!!

[La Trese]

To be honest, it sounds like you need to keep your distance. I have friends that I used to be close to that passive aggressively overreact to everything, but if I did the same thing to them they did to me they would probably never speak to me again. In my experience there are two ways to deal with them.

 

1) don't take him as seriously anymore. Don't let them bother you. talk as if nothing happened when they act up, but also have thick skin. This might be hard, especially if you care, but have the attitude that if this guy is going to act like a child, treat him like a child and indulge him.

 

2) get angry when he treats you like that, make it clear why you are angry with him, and if he won't talk then so be it act like you could care less. option number one is really hard so to be honest this might be your only choice. he has no right to treat you like that...he wouldn't tolerate you doing that.