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Good friend acting different how do I bring this up?

Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 4th December 2014, 1:49 AM   #1
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Good friend acting different how do I bring this up?

So my friend in all honesty has kind of changed since the summer. And I believe it's mainly because he had his heart broken when the girl he was dating broke up with him, went back to him,then broke up with him again the night before a vacation to Puerto Rico, then she started dating someone else a couple weeks after.

This had to be a traumatizing phase for him and much more than he ever let on. After the initial break up I was there for him. The second time though when it happened I really wasn't available to be around him because I had moved in with my girlfriend and so it was a summer where I was caught up with living with her. But my friend on the other hand got this job where all his co-workers smoked weed and drank a lot of alcohol.... even in broad daylight and on the job.

By the end of the summer when he got drunk and I hung out with this crowd once with my GF he began pleading with me that once our Fall semester of our senior year started (college), to prevent him from doing this stuff. Tell his mom if necessary if that means stopping him from doing stupid stuff.

Now I didn't think it was going to be worse. But he's become very different. He's become obsessed with "bro culture". Of working out, drinking, smoking, homo-phobic slurs, hooking up, and being influenced by people who cheat on their girlfriends and encourage him bad habits. Last week for example he got into a mild car accident because of drinking and driving and I bailed him out by paying the other driver a little bit so there wouldn't be a need to deal with insurances. Then the next night my friend gets peer pressured by one of his co-workers over the summer to drink from a bottle of vodka while my friend is driving.

Now this week after months of not really talking about it he just mentions about his former relationship "I'm no longer depressed. I'm 100% back". How do I talk to him about this? I think he's picked up some pretty bad habits from his break up. I know a few years ago after a previous break up he saw a therapist for a short while to get over it. But this time that wasn't the case

“you must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame;
how could you rise anew if you have not first become ashes?" ~ Friedrich Nietzsche "Thus Spoke Zarthustra"

Last edited by maturityassets; 4th December 2014 at 2:03 AM.. Reason: Shorter and more accessible
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Old 4th December 2014, 11:44 AM   #2
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I think you just need to sit him down and be blunt. Tell him you are worried as he is acting out of character and chat about it in a "soft" way. Don't get heavy with accusations etc.

Ask him why he thinks he is behaving in certain ways and let him talk.

Good luck. Its hard to watch someone you love fall but you can't always be there to catch them.
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Old 4th December 2014, 9:26 PM   #3
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Yeah, talk to him but not in a judgmental way. Just say, I'm glad you say you're over it, but got to tell you I've been a little worried about you. And I think it's okay to call him on the homophobic slur the next time he makes one. Don't do it in this conversation, but some people are so eager to be accepted, they go along with whoever they're around, so be sure you provide the balance and next time he pops off about homophobia or driving drunk, say, Hey, man that's not at all cool.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
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