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I'm trying to rebuild our friendship!

Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

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Old 28th November 2014, 10:16 AM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 22
I'm trying to rebuild our friendship!

This is quite difficult to go through, bare with me.

So this time a year ago me and my best friend were pretty much inseparable, there was never really any romantic feelings involved as neither of us really saw the other in that light, and to be honest I still don't.

Anyway, we started having fights over silly things now and again which went on for a good while about 5-6 months, I won't go into detail but now and again we were bouncing back and forth between trying to be good friends, having a fight, don't talk for a bit, repairing the damage, then back to trying to be good friends again, I guess she grew tired as whereas we haven't fought since the first few days of August we just aren't close, she doesn't seem to want to build things up to the point we are back to being close friends, we used to talk a lot over different things (Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, Whatsapp, etc) but now we tend to just stick to messenger. (She took me off of Instagram and Skype not too long back, I guess because she just didn't see a point to it)

To put it out there I feel at times she got tired of feeling that she put in more effort than I did or that I didn't want the friendship as much as she did, I still don't know where to actually go from here.

I just don't know how to get things back to the way they were, I miss our friendship.

Help please?

Last edited by ToastedHat; 28th November 2014 at 10:25 AM..
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Old 29th November 2014, 12:03 AM   #2
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Denmark
Posts: 556
Things will never go back to how they were, but don't let that fact disappoint you. Every single friendship, relationship and experience is constantly changing, we just don't pay much attention to it when things are going good, because that's when things are as we expect and like them to be.

There is no way to tell if you can rebuild your friendship to a state that resembles the past, however you won't know unless you try. If you realize and she feels, she was always the one putting the most effort into what you shared, then she may not be wanting to go down that road again. At least not until she sees a significant improvement and effort from your side.

Every relationship and friendship is draining, as you have to spend time and energy maintaining it. People have completely different levels of energy and likewise ideas of how much time they wish to put into something that perhaps doesn't yield the results they desire.

I would think about doing an honest evaluation of yourself and her, which may be quite hard for most people unless they possess the ability to look at things from multiple perspectives. It would be unfair for me to judge you or her without knowing much more. While people of all ages are more than capable of fighting over pitiful small things, in general it always boils down to having different views, bias and perhaps a lack of maturity to communicate in a proper manner. Some people will never learn this but your best chance is to acknowledge your own faults and having the desire to improve them. This goes for all of us, including her, as I'm sure it's not a one way street, it rarely is.

So put in a significant amount of effort to rebuild your friendship with her, but also prepare yourself of the possibility that she may not be wanting that anymore.
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