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My friend has been with her boyfriend for 4 years now. Almost 5. They are living together and engaged as well.

 

Her fiance is a good guy but he doesn't treat her very well at all. This has happened more then enough times.

 

He will have a go at her for god knows what. He punches holes in the wall every now and then. The bathroom door was practically broken. One time they were fighting and he spit at her. Another kicked her out of the house at like 4:00am in the morning. Kicked me out of the house twice. One time when I was just waking up. Could hear them fighting before hand. One time was with her as well. He threw all her clothes out of the house. She cried on my shoulder.

 

Still they got back together every time. All her doing. Last week he went all funny again. Had a fight, More holes in the wall. He practically wacked a wooden coffee table over her back. Also chucked a dead spider Huntman down her back.

 

After the fights he gives her the silent treatment then goes out with his mates. This time was different because they actually slept in seperate beds.

 

I took her out on Saturday night so she could flirt with guys and see how single life might feel like. Only flirt. The only guy she flirted with was my boyfriends gay friend that came out with our group. Lol. Poor thing.

 

The other day she was all happy because her boyfriend came home one night and they slept in the same bed. In the morning he kissed her goodbye before he went to work.

 

They were supposed to have a chat the day before about their relationship. Now she sees a glimer of hope that things will actually work out.

 

I don't know how she can stay in a relationship like that. She could get way better. Why do you guys think she is staying? She's only hurting herself by doing that. Why do you think her boyfriend is acting this way?

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Your friends has selfesteem issues. It all goes back to the way she was raised at home when she was a baby. She needs help. You may be a good supporter to her in this mess.

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Well, her bf isn't a very good guy if he's hitting her and spitting at her and stuff, but...

 

 

I think she stays because she loves him. I know that sounds so lame but it's true. Also, because they're engaged. I think when your engaged to someone there's more at stake when the relationship fails, so you just hang on to it even if it may not be that good for you. Five years is a lot to throw away, she may not see that the relationship is not very healthy.

 

The bf is acting this way because that's who he is. Some guys are just violent and don't have a problem directing that violence towards women. It may be a control issue, it may be something else. Who knows?

 

The sad fact is that there's nothing you can do to help her realize that she doesn't need this relationship. That's something that she has to come to on her own. There's nothing that you can say that's going to change her mind about wanting to be with him.

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Originally posted by sami

Your friends has selfesteem issues. It all goes back to the way she was raised at home when she was a baby. She needs help. You may be a good supporter to her in this mess.

 

Sami - My friend was raised by a good family. Known them most my life. She is very close to her mum and her sister. Her dad and brother are in her life as well.

 

Her boyfriends family on the other hand. His two sisters and mum seem nice but I think he had it rough growing up a bit though.

 

His mum and step father don't have much money. They smoke stuff. Borrow money every now and then. The whole family even had to live in there 3 bedroom flat for a while.

 

Jilly - Don't think her boyfriend has never actually hit her. He just has problems with his anger. Still that's no excuse to take it out on her.

 

I agree with you she probably loves him and doesn't want to waste five years of the relationship. She probably feels the relationship is hanging on a piece of string but doesn't wanna see it.

 

Also shes worried about her boyfriends mates. Since his been going out with them on his own it seems his been missing the single life. That could be a reason why his behaving this way.

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What does he think of you? You can't make her leave this guy, but what you can do and she will thank you for later is never leave her no matter what trouble he causes between you both.

 

My [ex] partner did his best to get rid of all my friends so I only had him to turn too. Be there for her.

 

He has serious issues and he is constantly allowed to get away with it so he sees no reason to stop.

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Family issues aren't always the blame, you can over come anything. I grew up watching my dad beat my mom & step-mom, have many affairs on her, we never had any money, but I over came all that. I have a wonderful husband, good career & a beautiful daughter. But nits also very hard to leave someone that is that controling, I watched my mom & step-mom go through it for years. I almost got caught up in the trap of my controling ex. BUT I got out of it after 2 years and hopefully so will your friend. Like someone said before, just be there for her, don't go anywhere, she needs you more than anything. Its going to be up to her to change things

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Why do you guys think she is staying?

 

Because she's an idiot. As long as she keeps putting up with his crap he will dish it out.

 

Why do you think her boyfriend is acting this way?

 

Because he is an immature baby. Men that pick on women and physically abuse them are wimps.

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Thanks for your replies. :).

 

Kat - Her boyfriend seems to like me. I'm one of the very few friends he does like. Lol.

 

Kiwi - Guess being there for her is all I can do since I don't want to butt into their relationship and cause more trouble between them. I'm staying right out of it. Always do with my friend's relationships. Don't want to make their mess my mess. I only give advice when they ask for it. Of if I see they need it. Glad you got away from your controlling Ex.

 

Fredrolin - It sux how she is putting up with it. Hopefully she see through him. She's crazy if she stays. I would've left ages ago.

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The fact that your friend was raised by a good family does not mean she has no unresolved childhood problems. Most of we call and perceive as "good" families end up being very abusive and manipulative in their attemts to stay "good" in the eyes of the society. This, however, does not mean they are"bad". It simply means they failed to stay balanced while trying hard to raise their "good"kids in a dynamic, demandindg, growing and challenging society.

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