Lernaean_Hydra Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 I've been friends with this guy (Ashton*) for going on five years now. At 30, he's several years older than me but from day one we really got along well and had a lot in common. There was occasionally an undercurrent of mild flirtation between us but we've never come close to having sex. Maybe exchanging the occasional dirty text here and there but that's about it. Aside from that, he now lives 2100 miles away so it ain't happening regardless. However, over the past say year or so I've been steadily losing interest in the friendship. He and I are both struggling with separate issues at the moment however each time one of us reaches out to the other, HE always eventually tries to steer the conversation in a sexual direction. I get annoyed and usually just ignore him until he gets the message (immature, I know) but lately, he's said he's missed my presence in his life (as I do him, in mine occasionally) and I'm torn. I don't want to end the friendship entirely but I don't know what else to do. The inappropriate sexual innuendo when I'm talking about my depression, or the lewd comments he makes out of nowhere in the middle of a discussion about his anxiety disorder are unsettling and counterproductive. I get that for him it's more or less a defense mechanism since each time he feels he's made himself vulnerable by opening up, he feels a need to reassert his "manhood" , by becoming sexually aggressive, but it's pushing me away. I'm at the point now where I want to cut ties with him altogether and I'm wondering how I even go about doing that without a whole lot of ugliness and strife. Is it even possible or should I just go dark on him for good? Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 The inappropriate sexual innuendo when I'm talking about my depression, That is obnoxious. I would want to know why someone no longer wanted to pursue a friendship with me. And from personal experience, dropping a 'friend' randomly has just prolonged that inevitable talk. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 LH, Tell him you don't like this The inappropriate sexual innuendo when I'm talking about my depression, or the lewd comments he makes out of nowhere in the middle of a discussion about his anxiety disorder are unsettling and counterproductive. and you've had enough of it - simple. He sounds creepy to me TBH. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lernaean_Hydra Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 LH, Tell him you don't like this and you've had enough of it - simple. He sounds creepy to me TBH. Ah, that sounds easy enough but I feel so ridiculous even having to say that. On another note, he's really not a creep, he's actually a decent guy (yes I see the irony there!) but he does this kind of thing from time to time to break the tension(?) I guess. It's hard to explain. Still, yeah, I think tomorrow we're going to have to have a talk. I was trying to avoid it because of the inevitable awkwardness but... Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 Just start ignoring him. Don't put him through that humiliating "your sexual attention makes me want to puke" talk. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 I'm a big fan of the fade out. Not everything has to be talked to death. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
love1336x Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 I'm a big fan of the fade out. Not everything has to be talked to death. Slient to me always speak louder than you explaining, what, why, how and other b.s why you dont want to be his friend anymore. The inappropriate sexual innuendo when I'm talking about my depression, or the lewd comments he makes out of nowhere in the middle of a discussion about his anxiety disorder are unsettling and counterproductive. If you don't like it. TELL HIM. It's that simple. If he doesn't want to change that, then simply drop him. Who wants a friend like that? I know I had couple male friends who know I have a boyfriend and will still flirt with me. I tell them once hey I don't like that, they continue then I drop. 90 percent of the time they know why I am not talking to them. This one dude, i liked him a lot (friendship wise) We could talk about anything and everything! However, one day he got really gross with me. I simply drop him. Three months later. We're talking again. I asked him you do know why I stop talking to you, right? He said, "yea. but i can't help it i am a sexual person" if you drop your friend right after he talks dirty to you or whatever. HE WILL KNOW WHY, and it won't need explaining. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 You've just outgrown him as you've matured and realized that some of his thinking is inappropriate. If you just want to get rid of him, you could lie and tell him you have a bf now and have agreed to cut off all male friend contact. Because he's used to being able to say this stuff without being called out on it to you, it would be an uphill battle to tell him what stuff bothers you and to stop or else. It might be an education for him, though. He's old enough to know better. If you don't want to just leave him confused, tell him the truth. Tell him there's things you like about him and value but that you've matured to the point where you no longer find him sexualizing everything educational or entertaining or appropriate and ask him to stop with the sexual innuendo with you. Then every time he slips, tell him "that was gross." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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